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Critique Partners and Swaps > YA Dark Fantasy (~95k)

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message 1: by Lindie (last edited Jan 22, 2020 02:06AM) (new)

Lindie (lindiedb) | 1 comments I am nearing the completion of the 4th draft of my novel, and find myself in need of fresh eyes to find the wobbly bits.

My novel is urban fantasy with a lot of horror elements. There is violence, gore, blood magic, some off screen cannibalism, colorful language, etc. It's a slow burn with a broody antihero protagonist. Some LGBT subtext, but that is not the point of this particular story. No romance focus either.

Ideally I am looking for a CP that can help me pinpoint big picture problems, and perhaps reign me in when I drop too many F-bombs and blood splatter. I have been reading horror since I was 10 so the story reads mild to me, but I really need a 2nd (3rd or 4th welcome too) opinion on if this is any way suitable for YA. *cough*

And of course I am happy to swap. I can do either email or GDocs. Chats via Discord would be fine as well.

Reading wise I enjoy fantasy, thrillers, horror, the occassional romance, YA up to adult. Can do Scifi, preferably not set in space (although even this is negotiable, give me something like Firefly and I am your friend for life).

Story blurb:
For 16-year-old Baen Balcrome, secrets and lies are key to survival. His mission has always been clear: Protect his mother. Protect his family. Protect himself. Don't let anyone close enough to discover the ghost in his room, or the hidden ritual room in the toolshed. Besides, there is no good way of preparing someone that Baen might spontaneously re-live his own death in the middle of the night, or have a surprise visit from the mind healer to ensure he hasn't turned some kind of foaming-at-the-mouth crazy.

When the healer dies, it should be the end of the old bag's psychic assaults, but Mrs. Nicolae's spirit is not so easily calmed. She shows up at Baen's door with a gift and an offer to help him tap into his family's dormant blood magic. Magic he was raised to believe he could never wield.

Baen should know better than to trust her. Twelve years of her ripping into his mind have taught him that. And yet, that promise of power is so alluring...

message 2: by Sarah (new)

Sarah Reeves | 10 comments Hello Lindie! Your project sounds super interesting, and I would love to do a writing swap with you! I LOVE urban fantasies and totally understand the difficulties of tweaking through a draft after you yourself have read it so many times.

The project I have is on its 5th draft. What started as a contemporary romance turned into a dark fantasy with some tints of sci-fi elements and romance. I will attach to this a VERY messy synopsis of my project to see if you'd be interested in doing this with me. At any rate, I look forward to hearing from you!

This is a first novel to a series I am undergoing, and there will be multiple perspectives woven in the story, but there will be 2 main characters:

Shay Badcocke lives a simple life. She has accomplished her goal of becoming a renowned author, well enough to purchase her own home in the small town of Ironforge. She has no unrealistic expectations from life other than to prove people wrong.

That was, until she met Caspian.

He claims to be a seraph, which is a being higher than human. He shows up on her doorstep on a dark and story night - literally - to tell her of a dark mage who wishes to unite all the realms with bloodshed and violence. And that somehow, someway, she is meant to be his ally in defeating this so-called dark mage.

As Shay struggles with this unexpected turn in her life, the realms are tipping into chaos. In another realm, there is a wandering traveler who speaks of bloodthirsty revenge for a certain someone. In realms where magick is considered treason, this traveler finds himself gaining 2 young apprentices after being accused. But as they spend more time with this stranger, they find that he is terrifyingly powerful - so much so that they wonder if he is even human to begin with.

But one thing is for absolutely certain: he will stop at nothing to exact his revenge.

As trust is put on trial, tensions build, these characters fight to maintain balance in all the realms.


As I said, this is a truly messy synopsis. But if this somehow seems up your alley, please let me know! I am looking general feedback, from a reader's standpoint.

message 3: by E.J (new)

E.J | 11 comments Hey Lindie, sent you a message, your synopsis really sounds interesting.

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