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Silverblood Demons (Daughters of Darkness #1)
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message 1: by Turhan (last edited Dec 06, 2014 03:22AM) (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments Dark/Urban Fantasy.

1st book in the trilogy Daughters of Darkness.

ETA: This is the original title to the book, it has now permanently changed. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...

This is the new title: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...

OK guys, let it rip!


message 2: by J.A. (last edited Nov 02, 2014 11:12AM) (new) - added it

J.A. Ironside (julesanneironside) | 653 comments Mod
(Have you put this on the list of books to be appraised thread Turhan? ;) ... just to make life easier for your MODs...)


message 3: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments J. A. wrote: "(Have you put this on the list of books to be appraised thread Turhan? ;) ... just to make life easier for your MODs...)"

Oh, sorry. I thought we were supposed to create new threads like this one for each book. I'll head over there right now, yikes!


message 4: by J.A. (new) - added it

J.A. Ironside (julesanneironside) | 653 comments Mod
Lol. No problem ;)


message 5: by Anthony Deeney (last edited Nov 10, 2014 05:29AM) (new) - added it

Anthony Deeney | 81 comments Okay, I am going to post here, as there are no "takers" yet and Turhan has been a great contributor to these threads. However, this is not my genre. I'm a sci-fi nut. I also enjoy Tolkien style fantasy. I dislike horrors, demons etc. The book is a little too "dark" for my taste.

Cover: A+, obviously professional, or skilled designer friend etc. (Oooh! She is hot!)

Blurb: Well written and clear... maybe a bit lengthy. I am sure it would grab the interest of demon horror fans.

Sample: Writing style is good. The idea, I actually think is great. A man finds that he has sired three daughters who were born in hell... yikes! I was quite grabbed by the sample and I am sure that if it were my kind of thing, I would read on.

Spelling: good
I have one issue with punctuation, that I can't see as correct... A few times in the sample, the sentence line (even a paragraph) ends on a comma enclosed in quotation marks.

e.g. around location 352-355:

I promise you'll want to hear this,"
Once again she gestured towards...


Around locatiion 489:

...and give you some warm tea,"

As I approached the door to the...


If this is correct then please educate me!

This is the only problem I have with the book.

Qualified Thumbs up.


message 6: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments Anthony wrote: "Okay, I am going to post here, as there are no "takers" and Turhan has been a great contributor to these threads. However, this is not my genre. I'm a sci-fi nut. I also enjoy Tolkien style fanta..."

Thanks Anthony, I'd love to hear back from the group about that punctuation issue too and thanks for the thoughtful review :)


message 7: by K.P. (new) - added it

K.P. Merriweather (kp_merriweather) | 189 comments the punctuation like that is wrong. im currently working with a greenhorn and its everywhere -_-
i used to write like that. i would definitely get the manuscript to editors pronto. otherwise not bad overall. i like the premise and the art is cool. you're right the blurb is a tad long almost like a short synopsis.


message 8: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments K.P. wrote: "the punctuation like that is wrong. im currently working with a greenhorn and its everywhere -_-
i used to write like that. i would definitely get the manuscript to editors pronto. otherwise not ..."


Thanx! I'm going to go ahead and correct it :) BTW, I am a greenhorn!


message 9: by K.P. (new) - added it

K.P. Merriweather (kp_merriweather) | 189 comments no worries! i edit for a living so i notice these things


message 10: by Sue (new)

Sue Perry | 175 comments VOTE: Thumbs up, but with a strong warning. You need someone with fresh eyes to correct all the typos (mostly punctuation typos).

NOTE: I may have got some stuff wrong. I went over all this once, and quickly, as I would do if shopping for a new writer.

COVER: Awesome, and promises an original and exciting read. However, I was dissatisfied/disappointed by the phrase "If you sleep... don't". Didn't hit the mark for me. I think because everything else was so swell, this one imperfection bummed me.

BLURB: Too many punctuation typos raised concerns that the book's innards might not be as professional as the cover. For me, the blurb is too long - but I prefer ultra short blurbs. And I think converting some of the multi-clause sentences to short, pithy, one-clause phrases could add some punch.

EXCERPT: I have not read anything else like this, and I love it when I find a book that's fresh like this! The subject matter holds zero interest for me, yet I find the writing compelling enough that I might opt to read the book anyway.

The excerpt has fewer punctuation errors than the blurb, but there are still some on every page. Personally, I can overlook a goodly number of typos, but beware. There are people - many people - who go out of their way to trash a self-published book, and trash it as publicly as possible, if it has typos on every page. I speak from tragic experience (which, admittedly, was my own damn fault).


message 11: by Turhan (last edited Nov 13, 2014 03:27PM) (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments Sue wrote: "VOTE: Thumbs up, but with a strong warning. You need someone with fresh eyes to correct all the typos (mostly punctuation typos).

NOTE: I may have got some stuff wrong. I went over all this once, ..."


Thanks so much for eking out a thumbs up and also for pointing out all the typo punctuation errors, especially in my blurb. What was I thinking?

ETA: Hmm, maybe I should add my blurb to the blurb thread so you guys can shred it down for me... Oh and I went back and "think" I corrected some of the blurb typos. Thanks for the critique :)


message 12: by Sue (last edited Nov 13, 2014 03:32PM) (new)

Sue Perry | 175 comments Turhan wrote: "Sue wrote: "VOTE: Thumbs up, but with a strong warning. You need someone with fresh eyes to correct all the typos (mostly punctuation typos).

NOTE: I may have got some stuff wrong. I went over all..."


I'm sorry if my comments implied the "up" vote was eked out --- my impressions are all very positive except for the typos, which have a time-consuming but otherwise easy resolution.


message 13: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments Sue wrote: "Turhan wrote: "Sue wrote: "VOTE: Thumbs up, but with a strong warning. You need someone with fresh eyes to correct all the typos (mostly punctuation typos).

NOTE: I may have got some stuff wrong. ..."


Oh, no, please don't apologize, yikes! You're right about it being time consuming and I have no problem putting in that time :)


message 14: by Sue (new)

Sue Perry | 175 comments Turhan wrote: "Sue wrote: "Turhan wrote: "Sue wrote: "VOTE: Thumbs up, but with a strong warning. You need someone with fresh eyes to correct all the typos (mostly punctuation typos).

NOTE: I may have got some s..."


I'm sorry I apologized.


message 15: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments Sue wrote: "Turhan wrote: "Sue wrote: "Turhan wrote: "Sue wrote: "VOTE: Thumbs up, but with a strong warning. You need someone with fresh eyes to correct all the typos (mostly punctuation typos).

NOTE: I may ..."


That is definitely an LOL.


message 16: by J.A. (new) - added it

J.A. Ironside (julesanneironside) | 653 comments Mod
Mind if I cut in? Or are you to still dancing? ;)

Verdict - thumbs up however this really would benefit from a someone with professional editing skills looking it over IMO.

Cover - here's weirdness: I actually don't like the cover but I can see that it really fits the book and it would make me look at the blurb.

Blurb - engaging and an interesting premise. I was intrigued enough to read the sample but maybe an eye cast over SPaG?

Sample - like the premise. Interesting story. Main character is engaging. It feels just a bit rushed at the start but that could be personal preference. Really think it needs one more pass - there are some unintentional tense changes and a few dangling clauses as well as some slighty eccentric punctuation.

However I would read on. And I will.


message 17: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments Hey J.A. Thanks so much for the thumbs up.

I totally agree that it could do with some professional editing skills, that would no doubt improve the book for me.

As always I appreciate any and all critique, it'll help forge me into the best author that I can be. :)


message 18: by Richard (last edited Dec 05, 2014 01:40PM) (new)

Richard | 490 comments Mod
Thumbs up.

Cover: superb - and, if the excerpt is anything to go by, sums up the style of the writing itself perfectly!

Blurb: first paragraph should be 'two estranged sisters who have incredible powers' and I'd change 'literal' to 'that takes them, literally, to Hell and back'.
Second para: first sentence repeats a bit (could just cut 'with his current girlfriend') and, if it was me, I'd probably cut 'internally' as well. Also, should be 'Sin-dy, who has never given up on the idea'.
Third para: a bit unwieldy (for instance, could do it: 'Fifteen-year-old Amber, one of his daughters and a natural-born warrior,' etc).
Last para: 'by all who set out' (you really do hate that word 'who'!)
i.e. the blurb could do with another edit. Otherwise though - taken together with the cover - it does give you a very good idea of the kind of story this is.

Excerpt: a few punctuation fails (commas and hyphens) but, that apart, I like the prose itself a lot - it's very readable (I particularly liked those gargoyle-chessmen flinching back from the rings; I could almost see the expressions on their faces!) In fact, I was sorry the excerpt ended before Kylar entered Hell and, if there'd been more, would definitely have kept reading.


message 19: by Tura (new)

Tura | 4 comments Hi, I haven't read the book but I was just curious how many people thought the cover is good. It isn't. It's not vastly bad, but what exactly is she doing with the sword?? Stabbing her own foot? (as a sword nut I also have words for the sword but I'll let that slide, maybe most people wouldn't care.)
I guess it is a photo, but somehow she manages to look anatomically wrong too, like her upper body was glued wonky to the lower.
The background is nice if a bit busy - I especially like the textures and the golden halo thing - and the text too, though I don't see the need to change the text size for some words.


message 20: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments Richard wrote: "Thumbs up.

Cover: superb - and, if the excerpt is anything to go by, sums up the style of the writing itself perfectly!

Blurb: first paragraph should be 'two estranged sisters who have incredible..."


Thank you so much for taking the time to appraise this Richard and for the constructive criticism, it's very much appreciated!


message 21: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments Tura wrote: "Hi, I haven't read the book but I was just curious how many people thought the cover is good. It isn't. It's not vastly bad, but what exactly is she doing with the sword?? Stabbing her own foot? (a..."

Hi Tura, thank you for your thoughts.


message 22: by Turhan (last edited Dec 06, 2014 03:44AM) (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments @ Sue,

It's interesting how a critique can bring to the surface something that may already have been there. I'm talking about this comment that you made " "If you sleep... don't". Didn't hit the mark for me. I think because everything else was so swell, this one imperfection bummed me."

It kinda niggled me too but I just kept pushing it away. I had my cover illustrator, Laura Gordon who was doing a title change for me at the time, remove the tagline, and feel better about the cover now, thanks!


message 23: by Richard (new)

Richard | 490 comments Mod
Tura wrote: "Hi, I haven't read the book but I was just curious how many people thought the cover is good. It isn't. It's not vastly bad, but what exactly is she doing with the sword?? Stabbing her own foot? (a..."

She's doing the sword-and-sorcery equivalent of playing air guitar (swipe! sw-i-i-i-shhh!) in front of her bedroom mirror. Obvious.


message 24: by Turhan (last edited Dec 06, 2014 03:00PM) (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments Richard wrote: "Tura wrote: "Hi, I haven't read the book but I was just curious how many people thought the cover is good. It isn't. It's not vastly bad, but what exactly is she doing with the sword?? Stabbing her..."

LOL, yes!

Actually Tura made me think about her (Amber's) stance with the sword and what I think of it is that she's doing a promo for the book and the photo shooter is saying "Look at me, and pretend you're stabbing a demon with the sword."

Oh and the sword does have a name ... it's called Tula__ but no, maybe it's better if I don't reveal the name, I think it's better to read the book and find out the name and the history behind the sword ;-)


message 25: by K. (new) - rated it 5 stars

Caffee K. (kcaffee) | 461 comments Cover: definitely professional and intriguing. Not quite sure how it fits with the story... yet, though I would guess this is either one of his daughters, or his girlfriend.

Blurb: also intriguing. Definitely a new type of story being told. Not sure about the name "Sin-dy". When I saw that, I immediately wondered how aliens were going to fit in a story about demons.

Excerpt: Hook like and SUNK. A few bumps along the way for me - again the spelling differences, such as the "Si-namon". Could be explained by adding something like "Kat's inside joke made me laugh" or something similar. Again, it gave me the feel of an alien talking, not a demon or human.

Overall, I would gleefully dive into this and not come up for air until it had ended.

Thumbs up.


message 26: by Turhan (last edited Dec 13, 2014 07:37AM) (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments K. wrote: "Cover: definitely professional and intriguing. Not quite sure how it fits with the story... yet, though I would guess this is either one of his daughters, or his girlfriend.

Blurb: also intrigu..."


OMG K,

That is an amazing review and I'm definitely going to consider the "Kat's inside joke made me laugh" thingy that you came up with :-D

THANKS!

ETA: Hey K, I just changed that line, thanks to your insight. It'll go live in my book at Amazon books and Createspace POD by tomorrow. It now reads like this... “Did you bring my Super Sin-namon bagel?” She smiled, and I laughed at our inside joke about the hyphen in my name.

Thanks again!


message 27: by Richard (new)

Richard | 490 comments Mod
(Don't Let The Demons... has now been moved on to the 'Books For Reviewing' thread, so no further appraisals needed thanks).


message 28: by K. (new) - rated it 5 stars

Caffee K. (kcaffee) | 461 comments Turhan wrote: "K. wrote: "Cover: definitely professional and intriguing. Not quite sure how it fits with the story... yet, though I would guess this is either one of his daughters, or his girlfriend.

Blurb: a..."


Glad to help out Turhan. That little change makes the line endearing, and keeps it entirely too human. ::Grins::


message 29: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments My ebook will be free for 5 days starting tomorrow Dec 20 through Dec 24. It has been retitled Silverblood Demons and edited for some content. The print book version is $14.95 I have also started the 2nd book in the trilogy and that will be released in 2015. Go Me!!!


message 30: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments I have to share this...I have to share this!

I'm #10 in the dark fantasy free version of my book Silverblood Demons.

Woohoo...go me!!!

I know, I know, it'll go back into oblivion pretty soon, but hey :)


Christina McMullen (cmcmullen) | 1213 comments Mod
That is awesome! Here's hoping you go higher!


message 32: by G.G. (new)

G.G. (ggatcheson) | 200 comments Congrats!


message 33: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments @G.G. & @Christina...thanx guys :)


message 34: by K. (new) - rated it 5 stars

Caffee K. (kcaffee) | 461 comments Turhan,

I don't see how this amazing work COULD go back into oblivion. Just finished, and loved every bit of it. Will have my review posted soon.

Wonderful weave of action and words.


message 35: by Turhan (last edited Dec 26, 2014 03:20PM) (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments K. wrote: "Turhan,

I don't see how this amazing work COULD go back into oblivion. Just finished, and loved every bit of it. Will have my review posted soon.

Wonderful weave of action and words."


What the what! Really! OMG, thanks K :)

ETA: At one point I went to number 9! :) That was a blip in time but I really appreciate the exposure I got, yup.


message 36: by K. (last edited Dec 26, 2014 09:35PM) (new) - rated it 5 stars

Caffee K. (kcaffee) | 461 comments Well, I may have a small following via my blog, but you'll be getting 3 reviews. Blood, Goodreads,and Amazon. Unless you have this up on Smashwords as well. So, ::blows a raspberry your way:: there.

http://wp.me/p4Uq5a-eK (blog link)
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show... (OK, it's short, but I'm still partially speechless.)
http://www.amazon.com/review/R3GU7ZRT... (Amazon's live.)


Anthony Deeney | 81 comments Turhan wrote: "I have to share this...I have to share this!

I'm #10 in the dark fantasy free version of my book Silverblood Demons.

Woohoo...go me!!!

I know, I know, it'll go back into oblivion pretty soon, bu..."



Well done Turban and season's greetings all.


message 38: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments K. wrote: "Well, I may have a small following via my blog, but you'll be getting 3 reviews. Blood, Goodreads,and Amazon. Unless you have this up on Smashwords as well. So, ::blows a raspberry your way:: th..."

K, those are some incredible reviews you gave me ... I am so grateful that you took the time to read and review my book. It inspires me so much to receive reviews from fellow authors.

I tweeted the review from your blog and hopefully you'll get a some fresh eyes on your blog from it :)

Once again Thank you, thank you, thank you.<---one for each review :)


message 39: by Turhan (last edited Dec 27, 2014 03:51AM) (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments @Anthony ... "Well done Turhan and season's greetings all."

Thanks Anthony and season's greetings to you too :)


message 40: by Anthony Deeney (last edited Dec 27, 2014 05:29PM) (new) - added it

Anthony Deeney | 81 comments Not my genre, but I have added it to my "to reads" following the reviews!

Is it a child's book? I wouldn't have thought so.


message 41: by Turhan (last edited Dec 27, 2014 06:26AM) (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments Anthony wrote: "Not my genre, but I have added it to my "to reads," following the reviews!

Is it a child's book? I wouldn't have thought so."


It's a dark/urban fantasy with female protagonists ages varying from 15/16 (daughters of the main character) through their early 20s (main protagonists) There is one erotic scene at the beginning chapter and curse words etc, so, definitely not a book for children to read.

Oh, and thanx for the 'ad' :)


message 42: by K. (new) - rated it 5 stars

Caffee K. (kcaffee) | 461 comments I'd say it would qualify as an older young adult/ new adult. I didn't see anything too bad for the younger readers, but probably not something you'd want anyone younger than 10 to read. The concepts might be a little too frightening for them.

'Course, I've had erotica adds thrown in my face for the last 3 weeks on twitter, so I might be a little numb to that at the moment.


message 43: by Turhan (new)

Turhan Halil | 270 comments K. wrote: "I'd say it would qualify as an older young adult/ new adult. I didn't see anything too bad for the younger readers, but probably not something you'd want anyone younger than 10 to read. The conce..."

*LIKE*


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