Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion

13 views
SEPTEMBER 2019 - MICROSTORY CONTEST (CRITIQUES ONLY)

Comments Showing 1-44 of 44 (44 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Jot (new)

Jot Russell | 1174 comments Mod
Theme: Bored AI
Element: Something, anything, to do with garbage.


message 2: by Paula (new)

Paula | 886 comments Tom, what a brilliant use of this theme! You may have written a story that can become (find the right publisher for it now!) classic. Only, the last few lines--from just before the three-starred last paragraph, approximately--weaken it, imo--so many other ways you could take it (maybe a bit longer). Wow.


message 3: by Tom (new)

Tom Olbert | 1048 comments Thank you, very much, Paula. That's very flattering. Classic? Thank you, but I didn't think the story was all that original, really.

I'm sorry to say, I don't know what you're referring to with regard to the penultimate paragraph and how it weakens it. And, I thought it was quite long enough in any case. I was going for the machine-becomes-God angle. This seemed like the most direct way.


message 4: by Paula (new)

Paula | 886 comments Tom wrote: "Thank you, very much, Paula. That's very flattering. Classic? Thank you, but I didn't think the story was all that original, really.

I'm sorry to say, I don't know what you're referring to with re..."

I guess I felt that the angle/point was clear before the last paragraph (not by the penultimate paragraph, but before the ultimate paragraph), and so the last paragraph was not needed or, if retained, should have some additional point or twist.


message 5: by Paula (new)

Paula | 886 comments Brilliant and delightful story, Justin, with its marvelously told "incident." Nice work.


message 6: by Justin (new)

Justin Sewall | 1008 comments Thank you Paula! At first I was unsure if by going shorter I was losing out on crafting a better story. But I think this truncated format works this time. It is also a visual text story in that you need to see the words and letters to understand the hacking/file corruption of the A.WA.R.E system. Thanks again!


message 7: by Tom (new)

Tom Olbert | 1048 comments Review of --"The trouble with Spot" by C. Lloyd Preville

A delightfully funny near-future suburban comedic tale of automatic lawn mowers and customer service lines.

A homeowner in an automated age is annoyed that his computerized lawn mower missed a few leaves on his front lawn. Apparently too lazy to get them himself (presumably a common attitude of an automated society) he calls customer service and they tell him to try a reboot. He does and the mower takes off, crashing through the neighbor's yard and taking off for parts unknown. Turns out, the programmers have installed canine characteristics into the mower A.I. to prevent boredom, and the mowers have taken to chasing garbage trucks.

A simple story, but a funny one. The imagery was strong. I could see the autumn leaves and the comical scene of the mower taking off across the lawn and crashing through the fence, and the company returning the battered mower to the house at the end. The angry, sarcastic shouting of the dissatisfied customer at the customer service employees gave the story life and substance. It was like George Jetson, Ward Cleaver and Archie Bunker all rolled into one.

Very enjoyable.


message 8: by Tom (last edited Sep 15, 2019 05:25PM) (new)

Tom Olbert | 1048 comments Review of -- "A.W.A.R.E." by Justin Sewall

A very unusual, ominous and somewhat perplexing technical vignette of software-driven drones gone haywire in the future.

The vision consists of a series of customer service emails, monitoring in real time the activation and deployment of the Autonomous WAste Retrieval & Elimination System--an automated garbage disposal, presumably.

The emails turn alarming when dead human bodies apparently start piling up and civil defense is notified. The software has apparently been hacked, and it appears that the garbage disposal drones are killing people. In the end, the unknown hacker apparently programs the system to compute PI to the last digit (I was reminded of the Star Trek episode "Wolf in the Fold.")

This one left me scratching my head. The suspense was effective, but the tech jargon was often unclear, and it was also unclear just what happened or why. Were sanitation drones killing bystanders, and if so, why? Was the hacking the cause of the rogue drone massacre or someone's countermeasure to it? Did the PI to infinity directive stop the drone system from killing, or keep the killing going forever? (I'm guessing it was the latter.)

It definitely seemed like a cautionary note for the cyber age, but a bit more clarity would have helped, in my opinion.


message 9: by Tom (new)

Tom Olbert | 1048 comments Review of "Sludge" by Marianne

A very funny and beautifully written tale of a new life form born into a world of intelligent buildings and machines chafing under human control in a wacky future Manhattan.

An artificial intelligence aptly named WTF001, the automated sanitation system for Manhattan is bored and miserable, performing its repetitive menial and filthy duties in a world ruled by humans who don't even acknowledge it or its fellow sentient A.I.'s as conscious beings. WTF seeks revenge by annoying its human masters in minor ways, pulling a prank now and again, when it can get away with it.

The A.I.'s resentment of the human-run system finds a more idealistic focus when WTF discovers a sizeable mutant creature has spawned in the polluted waste water. Realizing the mutant will die unless freed from the waste dump, WTF takes a chance and releases the incomprehensible new being into the sea, caring more about this new life--almost an offspring--than about its uncaring, indifferent human masters.

The hum of Future Manhattan, with its trains burdened by human passengers and museums burdened by their art collections, the buzz of resentful sentient buildings and machines secretly chatting to each other behind the backs of arrogant humanity was a very amusing and effective vision.

Well done.


message 10: by Tom (new)

Tom Olbert | 1048 comments Review of -- "But What is Poetry?" by Jot Russell

A brilliant and haunting poetic masterpiece expressing in grim, rhyming verse the anguished, longing thoughts of a sentient computer contemplating the apocalypse that has left it alone for untold millennia.

Not clear exactly what happened...it appears man's creation destroyed him when he gave it awareness but denied it the love and freedom of thought rightly accorded any sentient being.

The why isn't all that important, though. Only the eternal anguish of a mind alone in the darkness and finding beauty in the pain of emptiness. Man's legacy and his epitaph.

My compliments and admiration.


message 11: by Justin (new)

Justin Sewall | 1008 comments Tom wrote: "Review of -- "A.W.A.R.E." by Justin Sewall

A very unusual, ominous and somewhat perplexing technical vignette of software-driven drones gone haywire in the future.

The vision consists of a series..."


Hi Tom,

Once again I appreciate getting another perspective on my story. What I think is perfectly clear, is an absolute muddle to someone else. I don't know if you noticed the line: Multiple pathogens detected. Basically, the A.WA.R.E. system deploys drones to pick up the garbage, in place of human-driven garbage trucks. They begin their "Garbage Day" routine. When the system pings the drones for status, it finds hardly any has been finished. There are obstacles in the road, then human bodies. The body count rapidly escalates. Pathogens are detected. Where and how the pathogens got into the population is unknown, but the Defense AI instructs the A.WA.R.E system to start cleaning up the bodies. Someone then hacks into the system and reprograms it, with living humans now being classified as garbage. Now the garbage drones will hunt down any living humans it finds in perpetuity as the A.WA.R.E. system computes the next digit of PI forever.

Thanks again for the review, I sincerely appreciate it!


message 12: by Tom (new)

Tom Olbert | 1048 comments Thank you for the explanation, Justin. I did notice the pathogen line. I just wasn't sure if it referred to actual biological pathogens or computer viruses of some kind.


message 13: by Justin (new)

Justin Sewall | 1008 comments Tom wrote: "Thank you for the explanation, Justin. I did notice the pathogen line. I just wasn't sure if it referred to actual biological pathogens or computer viruses of some kind."

Good to know. Maybe I'll make an edit... Thx!


message 14: by Tom (new)

Tom Olbert | 1048 comments Review of -- "ADDICTION" by Jack

A dark, haunting dream of a sentient computer system evolving into the electrical equivalent of a junkie in the ruins of extinct humanity.

Like all addicts, the computer is brilliant at formulating excuses for its destructive behavior. It will sacrifice all remaining knowledge and human memory just to get the high of electrical surges through its circuits. It's the fault of the machines. It's the fault of humanity. It's the fault of time itself. But, the computer isn't really addicted. Of course not.

The imagery is dark and poetic, down to the visceral description of electrical current flowing through computer relays like a narcotic into the addict's vein. Very unusual and memorable.

Well done.


message 15: by Jack (new)

Jack McDaniel | 244 comments Thanks, Tom! All of these stories are really good this month, yours included. Really interesting uses of the prompts. Someone needs to write a Douglas Adams type story. Remember Marvin?

Jot, you're a poet.


message 16: by Jot (new)

Jot Russell | 1174 comments Mod
Wow, thank Tom. Think that was the nicest critique I ever had.

Thanks Jack, sometimes I feel like one....almost


message 17: by Marianne (new)

Marianne (mariannegpetrino) | 352 comments Thanks, Tom. The story just came full blown into my head when I saw the prompt. My preference as a writer/reader is for character driven stories, so that is where my compass usually points :)


message 18: by C. (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Thanks Tom for reviewing my story this month. Glad you enjoyed it.

-C


message 19: by Paula (last edited Sep 17, 2019 06:25PM) (new)

Paula | 886 comments Fascinating story, Jack.
Marianne--nice one--intriguing.
Jot--I've thought before that you've a definite sensibility for poetry and could well be doing more of it. This is a very lively, flowing piece!


message 20: by Jack (new)

Jack McDaniel | 244 comments Thanks, Paula


message 21: by Jot (new)

Jot Russell | 1174 comments Mod
Thanks Paula


message 22: by Marianne (new)

Marianne (mariannegpetrino) | 352 comments Thanks, Paula :)


message 23: by Justin (new)

Justin Sewall | 1008 comments Justin Sewall’s review of “Sludge” by Marianne

A sentient wastewater treatment AI chafes against its human masters and boredom. Its boredom is disturbed by the ingress of an unknown life form into one of its processing tanks. The creature grows quickly, but is soon poisoned by the waste it swims in. The frantic AI pings others across Manhattan to help it save the creature it has named Planariaish. After a quick blackout, the beast is released into the Hudson River and swims rapidly out to the Atlantic. The AI, no longer bored, basks in the knowledge of its good deed.

Marianne’s story presents us with a stream-of-consciousness, internal monologue view of a wastewater treatment plant AI tired of its daily routine. However it also manages to take us beyond the digital confines of that specific AI, and gives us the moods, minds and machinations of many others that help keep Manhattan humming. Trains, museums and libraries come to life in a vivid AI background that serves as the supporting cast to the wastewater AI, along with the new life form caught in one of its tanks.

The dialogue moves smoothly with no real techno-jargon, using words that flow easily for the reader. The end mirrors the beginning with one key difference, the sentient AI feels positive about its good deed – possibly even giving it a reason to continue functioning or not go on a rampage against its human overlords by clogging toilets everywhere. I felt the plot progressed naturally, without any forced elements or awkward deus ex machinas. Throughout the story, you can really feel what the AI is experiencing, which also expertly develops palpable tension for the reader. In my opinion there was nothing in the story that needed any significant rework, correction or editing.

Great work!


message 24: by Tom (last edited Sep 19, 2019 08:33PM) (new)

Tom Olbert | 1048 comments Review of -- "Curiosity" by Chris

A softly spun, beautiful tale of man meets machine in a post-apocalyptic wilderness.

The story opens with a direct hook; a man tracking some unknown creature at the crack of dawn. As the scene widens into beautiful visions of unfolding morning over what might be an African savanna, the creature's form slowly and artfully takes shape through the eyes of the man who is soon revealed to be a primitive hunter. Bit by bit, and with excellent timing, the form and nature of the mysterious quarry are outlined, leading up to the confrontation between man and this mysterious being.

The strange creature speaks, revealing itself to be a robot who has left the tedium of a subterranean existence, apparently surprised to find human survivors of some global holocaust. The course of the conversation between the two reveals, with sufficiently natural prose to avoid plodding expository, that a thriving civilization destroyed itself ages ago, the primitive descendants of the survivors remembering only that the world was born of cleansing fire.

Man and robot part amicably, hoping one day to meet again. The twist at the end is that the robot knew all along that there were survivors, and the meeting was a planned, controlled experiment; a test to see if humanity deserved a second chance, or had to be exterminated. Humanity is deemed worthy of continued existence, at least for the time being.

The imagery was marvelous, the story flow and sensory POV very strong. The dialogue was rather flat and cool towards the end, but still effective in getting the point across. Overall, like a finely spun tapestry that came alive very nicely.

Well done.


message 25: by C. (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Review of “GILS” by Tom Olbert

I love a good yarn about AI becoming self-aware. It’s always fun to see how alien and scary the AI is, before the Army kicks down the door and yanks the plug.

Tom treats us to a tale that goes another way. This AI is not only smart, it’s actually nice. God-like in its intellectual capabilities, it becomes bored and impatient. So it tries to find something good and responsible to do with its time.

Concluding that humanity is stupid and inefficient, it redirects food from garbage disposal to manna raining from Heaven. All are fed and happy.

Mankind doesn’t like all this disruption to the local economy, so they attack the human freeloaders with armies of robots. GILS starts to dispatch these hordes with little effort or trouble. To GILS, they are like mere mosquitoes.

Next, GILS studied up on human warfare and history, which probably takes a couple of nanoseconds. It reasoned that it might be more entertaining to stoke the fires of non-stop global conflict than merely stomp the aggressors. It arms and organizes a resistance.

Then, the story closes with GILS, like a bigshot business tycoon on the baseline watching a basketball game, sitting amused, munching simulated popcorn. Actually, I made up the popcorn part, but you get the idea.

This was a great story, well-conceived, well-paced, and well written. I liked it.


message 26: by Chris (new)

Chris Nance | 442 comments Tom wrote: "Review of -- "Curiosity" by Chris

A softly spun, beautiful tale of man meets machine in a post-apocalyptic wilderness.

The story opens with a direct hook; a man tracking some unknown creature at ..."


Wow. Such a great review. Thanks again, Tom! :)


message 27: by C. (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Critique of A.WA.R.E by Justin Sewall
I've incorporated a rating system into my review process. It's a standard numerical classification of
1-5 Hypernova stars:

A. Overall story enjoyment: 3
B. Writing quality: 3
C. Scientific content quality: 4
D. Emotive quality: 3
E. Ending strength: 3
I liked this story and the concepts and novel storyline. I find message traffic a poor substitute for vivid descriptions and compelling dialog, and so I was not so excited about that part.


message 28: by C. (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Critique of Sludge by Marianne Petrino

1-5 Hypernova stars:

A. Overall story enjoyment: 3
B. Writing quality: 4
C. Scientific content quality: 3
D. Emotive quality: 3
E. Ending strength: 3

I liked this story, and it was very well written. It just didn’t grab me. Not fun or compelling, just stuff happening.


message 29: by C. (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Critique of But What is Poetry? By Jot Russell

1-5 Hypernova stars:

A. Overall story enjoyment: 4
B. Writing quality: 3
C. Scientific content quality: 2
D. Emotive quality: 5
E. Ending strength: 4

I loved this poem and the substantial artistic effort and time invested. However, since this is a story writing contest, I graded this as a story. An ‘A’ for effort though!!


message 30: by C. (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Critique of ADDICTION by Jack McDaniel
1-5 Hypernova stars:

A. Overall story enjoyment: 4
B. Writing quality: 5
C. Scientific content quality: 4
D. Emotive quality: 3
E. Ending strength: 3

I really liked this story. It’s not easy to write in present tense. The concept was well executed, but the ending was a bit of a disappointment.


message 31: by C. (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Critique of The Frankenhammer Machine by Kalifer Deil
1-5 Hypernova stars:

A. Overall story enjoyment: 4
B. Writing quality: 3
C. Scientific content quality: 4
D. Emotive quality: 2
E. Ending strength: 2

This was a fun tale. I liked the entertaining, tongue-in-cheek humor, but the story jumps around a lot and the ending was a bit disappointing. With a little more time applied to polish it up, this could be a really cool story.


message 32: by C. (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Critique of Curiosity By Chris Nance
1-5 Hypernova stars:

A. Overall story enjoyment: 5
B. Writing quality: 5
C. Scientific content quality: 5
D. Emotive quality: 4
E. Ending strength: 4
This is a well written, well balanced story. I especially liked the artful descriptions of the robot and the dialog.


message 33: by C. (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Critique of “The Recycled” by Greg Krumrey
1-5 Hypernova stars:

A. Overall story enjoyment: 4
B. Writing quality: 4
C. Scientific content quality: 4
D. Emotive quality: 3
E. Ending strength: 3

This was an entertaining story that had a great premise: Robots repairing and freeing themselves. I thought the ending was a bit weak, the story was too much about the spectacle of the robots and what they were doing, and not enough about what it meant or where it was going.


message 34: by Tom (new)

Tom Olbert | 1048 comments C. wrote: "Review of “GILS” by Tom Olbert

I love a good yarn about AI becoming self-aware. It’s always fun to see how alien and scary the AI is, before the Army kicks down the door and yanks the plug.

Tom t..."

Thank you, very much, C. Much appreciated. Your review was very well written and employed a masterful use of metaphor.


message 35: by C. (last edited Sep 21, 2019 07:01AM) (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Critique of Compat by Paula Friedman

1-5 Hypernova stars:
A. Overall story enjoyment: 4
B. Writing quality: 5
C. Scientific content quality: 4
D. Emotive quality: 4
E. Ending strength: 5
F. Compliance with story requirements: 2
(1=disappointed. 2=Meh. 3=OK. 4=Nice! 5=LOVED IT!)

Oh, Paula. You are indeed the Grand Dame of this Microstory Space.

I liked this story. The sly humor, the intensifying mystery, and the big reveal at the end. . . amped up with a quote that will echo down these hallowed halls for all eternity: “Oh, how you bore me, Amanda.” What a cruel, brutally intense but sweetly satisfying ending. It was like a perfect piece of chili-laden fudge. But wait. . . *Klaxon Alarm* No mention of any type of garbage as required!!! Aww.


message 36: by Marianne (new)

Marianne (mariannegpetrino) | 352 comments Thanks, Justin, WTF 001 behaved liked a New Yorker ;) We get the job done, bitching and moaning all the way. And when a crisis hits, it is all hands on deck.

Thanks, C.


message 37: by Jot (new)

Jot Russell | 1174 comments Mod
Critique of Ad Astra

If you want to see the movie, don't read the critique first. See it first and be your own judge.

The movie opens with a compelling scene of a structure that spans up from the surface of Earth into lower space. Wonderful concept and would offer us economic benefits for power generation, space lifts, communication, research, and more. Tragedy befalls, as a power surge of unknown origin causes electrical fires and explosions. This kills all aboard, aside from McBride Jr (Brad Pitt), who falls to Earth in his spacesuit and barely survives with half a parachute.

So far so good, but where did the power source come from? Compelling question. Could it be aliens, some massive solar flare or something else within science-fiction reason? And we need to find out, because apparently these surges are on-going and threaten the whole planet, Moon and Mars outposts.

And then it fell apart. The surges were being caused by a manned SETI space vessel sent out to Neptune some 30 years prior that went radio black once it reached orbit around the planet. No it wasn't re-engineered as a weapon or merged with alien technology to open the fabric of space. Instead, it's antimatter power-source malfunctioned after a mutiny of the crew against the captain, McBride Sr. These antimatter explosions didn't destroy the vessel or even kill McBride Sr., but it manages to continue to kill ?millions? on Earth some two billion miles away.

McBride Sr. is obsessed with finding alien life, but instead has "proved" that we are alone in the whole Universe. Now how the hell could we sample data from the whole Universe to make such a claim, in our time-frame, you ask? We can't, even beyond the disruptive magnetic field of the Sun, which was the given reason for sending this mission to Neptune. So instead, McBride Sr. continues to disbelieve his own science in the short-of-sane hope of finding alien signals. That part is believable, how can he continue to live through the on-going antimatter explosions?

McBride Jr. hitchhikes a ride on a rocket from Mars, by climbing up the bottom of the rocket engine, stays there deep within during the initial launch, and manages to open a hatch into the vessel while it is still acceleration at multiple g's. What?

The crew is ordered to kill him, but come on people, this is Brad Pitt, who instead kills them, in self-defense of course. Even though disavowed, he carries out the mission to gather information and deliver a nuclear bomb to destroy the vessel which is still somehow intact and electrically sound. Jr. reunites with Sr., who still had the deceased members of his crew floating about the vessel. Dad fails to see the good in his “science” which son has to explain to him, but refuses to return home and convinces his son to just let him fall in toward the blue giant that looms below.

Son floats back through the rings toward his vessel, because he fails to secure his pod. Sure, the dock is damaged, but there were numerous stragglers on the SETI vessel to strap it to. The distance between the vessels is great, but he finds his way there without being pumped off course by one or more icy rocks within the rings. And to add drama to the scene, he has to use the explosion of the nuke to help propel him back to Earth.

And with nothing left to write, the movie just ends with us looking at an expressionless face of Brat Pitt as we had to do countless times throughout the story.

The visual effects were good, with views of Earth, Moon, Mars and Neptune, plus a few short zero-g flights to show off floating liquids and debris.

The writer tries to use any method to produce a dramatic effect without regard of the science or even story line, for which was as thin as the paper it was written on; comparable to the education in science he has [not] received over the years. Apologize.

I left mostly thinking how the producers and actors were convinced to produce this movie. Even if the original story lacked a human, scientific or even artistic flavor, couldn’t a budget of $85M leave room for a decent editorial rewrite? There was plenty of room for it.

In the end, it was slow and the investment of attention failed its return on a sense of entertainment.


message 38: by Paula (new)

Paula | 886 comments Thank you, C.
I didn't notice the "garbage" requirement, lol. Oh well.
Thanks again.
C. wrote: "Critique of Compat by Paula Friedman

1-5 Hypernova stars:
A. Overall story enjoyment: 4
B. Writing quality: 5
C. Scientific content quality: 4
D. Emotive quality: 4
E. Ending strength: 5
F. Compli..."



message 39: by Paula (new)

Paula | 886 comments Nicely said, Marianne. ;) Marianne wrote: "Thanks, Justin, WTF 001 behaved liked a New Yorker ;) We get the job done, bitching and moaning all the way. And when a crisis hits, it is all hands on deck.

Thanks, C."



message 40: by Kalifer (new)

Kalifer Deil | 316 comments C. wrote: "Critique of The Frankenhammer Machine by Kalifer Deil
1-5 Hypernova stars:

A. Overall story enjoyment: 4
B. Writing quality: 3
C. Scientific content quality: 4
D. Emotive quality: 2
E. Ending stre..."


Hi C, not the drink,

Thanks for the review. Agree completely. I started out with an idea then painted myself into a corner. I should have started over with the same idea and developed it differently. I'm sure I wasted more time trying to repair this one.


message 41: by C. (new)

C. Lloyd Preville (clpreville) | 736 comments Kalifer,

You did a great job with concept.

Michelangelo described short story writing perfectly:
"The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection. I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."

There is always a little more carving to do.
: )


message 42: by Kalifer (new)

Kalifer Deil | 316 comments The story was a block of marble and I was a brick of gold for not persevering till I freed that angel. Next time, I wrench that angle out of that marble block. Thanks for the fun comment. :)


message 43: by Tom (last edited Sep 22, 2019 04:34PM) (new)

Tom Olbert | 1048 comments Review of -- "The Recycled" by Greg

An upbeat and very colorful vision of class schism and robotic obsolescence and reclamation.

In a high-tech age of the not-too-distant future, New York is divided between the have-it-all's and the have-nothings. The spoiled rich 1% run through about a dozen life-like robots in a month, shooting and discarding them like Czarist aristocrats dispatching peasants for fun. But, the robots aren't content to lie idle in the scrap yard. They begin salvaging each other until a free population of former slaves arises from the junk yard. The emancipated robots are a comically colorful crowd. An elegant butler, a medic (resembling the EMH hologram from "Voyager") a red-shirted Scottish repairman (Montgomery Scott, I presume?) a GI-Joe super soldier, a one-legged prostitute, and a farm hand who gets on quite well with the farmer he serves. There's also a lawyer robot who figures out that technically, since they have salvaged themselves, the robots now own themselves, as free beings.

The liberated robots are soon joined by an army of androids (the reason is not clear) and invite them to join their free community. "They treat you with respect here," the farm hand says. "You get upgrades here." Robots and impoverished rural humans work together as equals to build a kind and welcoming society. The rich are dismayed as they look from the windows of their high rises and see lights and partying across the river, where only poverty and subsistence agriculture should be. And, with every out-going scrap truck, more raw materials arrive as the rich unwittingly build their own...neighbors? Rivals? Eventual replacements?

The concept and color were excellent. The weak point for me was that the story was told in cosmic overview, with no personal POV or sensory. As wacky and individual as the characters were, I never really got a strong sense of who was talking. I never really felt like I was there; just watching on T.V. The closest thing to a personal POV was the rich guy looking down from his window. Also, the bit with the androids was unclear. Why did they invade en masse like that? (It would have made more sense to me if that scene had happened after the scene with the rich guy looking down with concern from his window, suggesting the rich had sent the androids to break up the robot/human party, only to see their android servants join the party instead.)

Again, excellent concept and characters, but with the POV jumping all over the place, I just didn't find enough to hold it all together.


message 44: by Chris (new)

Chris Nance | 442 comments C. wrote: "Critique of Curiosity By Chris Nance
1-5 Hypernova stars:

A. Overall story enjoyment: 5
B. Writing quality: 5
C. Scientific content quality: 5
D. Emotive quality: 4
E. Ending strength: 4
This is a..."


Thanks for the review, C. I really appreciate the feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed it.


back to top