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Stalkers! Help!

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message 1: by Maria (new)

Maria | 77 comments Hi, does anyone have any tips on how to deal with stalkers? Inevitably in this job, we have to market ourselves and this can lead to some unwanted attention. Surprisingly enough it is a fellow 'artist' who seems to be obsessed with me, and a Grammy nominated one at that! (I don't do things by halves!)He has declared his undying love by email on another networking site. He says he thinks about me all the time (a bit freaky). I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't know how to reply so that he will get the message that he sounds like a stalker. I've never met him and have only ever exchanged about 2 or 3 brief emails with him in the past, so his latest email is a bit weird!! Has anyone else been in this sort of situation? Do you have any tips?

message 2: by G.R. (new)

G.R. (grcollia) I haven't had a fellow artist get all romantic on me, but a Japanese art enthusiast did... a professor who read my Utamaro book. He wanted photos of me and said he was going to come over from Canada to see me, which freaked me out a bit. I wrote a couple of emails that included copious references to my husband, which didn't seem to put him off. Finally, as I really didn't want him getting any more enthusiastic about me than he already was, I told him that I wasn't interested in any sort of relationship aside from a professional one. I received a rather nasty response, telling me that I had been leading him up the garden path, and haven't heard from him since.

Being honest and direct, even though it may upset him, is the best way to go, in my humble opinion... rather than letting him continue getting all fired up.

It's definitely freaky, having complete strangers go all fluffy about you. I thought it only happened if you were a famous actress or singer. How wrong I was!

message 4: by Maria (new)

Maria | 77 comments thanks Gina for relating your story. Yes, it did freak me out a bit. I'll try the direct approach, telling him I'm not interested and hope it works!
Thanks for the website links D.B., I'll check them out :)

message 5: by D.B. (new)

D.B. Pacini (DBPacini) Maria,

I wish you the best. This sort of problem can be terrifying and it can worsen fast. Be careful friend.


message 6: by Margaret (new)

Margaret Dilloway (margaret_dilloway) | 2 comments Tell him to leave you alone and don't answer any more emails. If he continues to harass you, take your paper trail to the police.

Unfortunately, having Grammies doesn't automatically make you a good citizen-- didn't Phil Spector win a couple? Sheesh. People are nutty.

Take care!

message 7: by Maria (new)

Maria | 77 comments Thanks for the advice Margaret :)

message 8: by Dr (new)

Dr | 134 comments Maria wrote: "Hi, does anyone have any tips on how to deal with stalkers? Inevitably in this job, we have to market ourselves and this can lead to some unwanted attention. Surprisingly enough it is a fellow 'a..."

It is not just you ladies, but us guys too that get stalked, but in many cases, it is not an actual stalker but an offshore operation that is looking to get personal information. I have a friend who does Internet investigations and when I got the first one, by a lady expressing her undying love, I asked him to look into it. He couldn't tell me much, but that the email came from an African country and most likely the picture of the beautiful girl was not the author of the email. Yes, be careful, there is always someone wanting to prey on the humble and unassuming. I wish I had kept a copy of the email, it would have made you all laugh.

message 9: by Elizabeth (new)

Elizabeth Blake | 40 comments I agree. The direct approach is best. The longer it goes on, the worse it will get.
Best of luck to you!

message 10: by Colleen (new)

Colleen Dougherty (goodreadscomcolleendougherty) | 8 comments That is horrible that you have to contend with that. It's amazing to me what people can read in just innocent emails. I think Margaret suggested a great immediate response and that is to just not respond anymore. That has to be scary. Good luck.

message 11: by Maria (new)

Maria | 77 comments Thanks for all the support everyone. I sent a 'direct approach' email saying that I am not interested in any type of relationship with him, and I also said that he sounded like a stalker! I haven't heard anything back and it's been about three days or more, so fingers crossed, he has disappeared.

message 12: by Yasheve (new)

Yasheve Now that you have done that, if he does continue to contact you, then you have no doubt that he's a stalker.

I'm thinking it might just be harmless. Often times, communication online is subject to misperception.

I've lost my cool with my copywriting clients once or twice because I read their emails the wrong way. Hope this is the case. If not and he contacts you again, contact the attorney general in your area and they will direct you. That's what I had to do when one of my clients threatened to have his mafia friends hurt me bad (true story).

message 13: by Maria (new)

Maria | 77 comments Thanks for the advice Yasheve. I've blocked him now from my page on that website, so that should do the trick (fingers crossed)

message 14: by Colleen (new)

Colleen Dougherty (goodreadscomcolleendougherty) | 8 comments Sounds like you should be in good shape Maria:) Best of luck with this!

message 15: by D.B. (new)

D.B. Pacini (DBPacini) Hoping the best for you Maria.

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