Rom-Com Query Critique

[Mazey]

I've had mixed reviews, some said it seemed stiff while others liked it. Let me know your thoughts!

Dear AGENT,

[Personalized intro sentence]. LESSONS IN LOVE AND PULLING TEETH is a standalone romantic comedy with potential series complete at 86k words and is an #OwnVoices novel for anxiety disorders.

To Harper Horowitz, pulling teeth is a pleasure, while the idea of falling in love is pure torture. Harper is anxiously awaiting placement into a top oral surgery residency program and would rather endure a Novocain-free root canal than face any distractions—especially ones as delicious as Dan Patrick. With the greatest of intentions and the poorest of follow-throughs, Harper attempts to be ‘just friends’ with Dan, despite their growing attraction and Dan’s obscene dimples.

Dan is confident he doesn’t belong in dental school. The son of one of the field’s most prestigious dentists, Dan gave up his growing finance career in a vain attempt to prove himself to his late father. As he fumbles through his first year with an acute case of Daddy Issues, he finds himself in the intimidating position of falling for the girl with a passion for pulling teeth. Dan is willing to play by Harper’s rules and determined to be the best friend she’s ever had.

LESSONS IN LOVE AND PULLING TEETH celebrates diversity, positive female friendships, and the hilarity of modern dating while touching on the reality of sexism, prejudice, and mental health in medicine. As a current dental student, I have a unique perspective on millennial dating in a highly stressful, but rarely written about, profession. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

[Keith]

I'd say it's a good start, but doesn't feel grabby to me. Since, at least to my old eyes, Harper is a gender neutral name, I think you need a gender identifier somewhere in the first paragraph. Also, I suggest breaking up the two large paragraphs. And trim the word count a little, you're at 162 and the supposed sweet spot is 100-150. I attempted to buff it up a little (128 words):



Harper Horowitz, dental resident, loves pulling teeth. But the idea of falling in love is pure torture. She’d rather endure a Novocain-free root canal than face any distractions. Distractions like Dan.

With the greatest of intentions and the poorest of follow-throughs, Harper attempts to be ‘just friends’ with Dan, despite their growing attraction and Dan’s obscene dimples.

Dan Patrick turned his back on his promising finance career in a vain attempt to prove himself to his late father, one of the field’s most prestigious dentists. Daddy issues drive his fumbling efforts in school. The last thing he needs is any more reason to lose focus.

Then Dan meets Harper, the girl with a passion for pulling teeth. Their chemistry fights their attempts to be each other’s best friend.



Oh, you're missing comps, the 2-3 books you would expect yours to be shelved next to in the book store. Well-selling, but not best sellers.

I think you need to reveal your age if you're going to claim perspective on millennial dating. I suggest altering your penultimate sentence thus:

"As a 25 yo current dental student, I have a unique perspective on millennial dating in a highly stressful, but rarely written about, profession."

[J.R.]

Romance in the Wild wrote: "I've had mixed reviews, some said it seemed stiff while others liked it. Let me know your thoughts!

Dear AGENT,

[Personalized intro sentence]. LESSONS IN LOVE AND PULLING TEETH is a standalone r..."

I liked your query as-is and would have asked to see the first couple chapters if I was an agent. (Which is to say, as a reader, I would have been intrigued enough to look at your "Look Inside.")

If you're not on Twitter (and you probably should be, because even traditional presses expect you to do marketing and be on social media), there are many agents, especially interested in romance/young adult/new adult, who post at #writingcommunity. Many also participate in #pitmad. (That's where you pitch your book in a tweet.) But even if you're not interested in doing something like #pitmad, there's a lot of current advice there from agents and authors on querying.

[Mazey]

J.R. wrote: "Romance in the Wild wrote: "I've had mixed reviews, some said it seemed stiff while others liked it. Let me know your thoughts!

Dear AGENT,

[Personalized intro sentence]. LESSONS IN LOVE AND PUL..."

Thank you for this! I am on Twitter and plan on doing #PitMad in September, I haven't totally finished polishing my MS in time for tomorrows.

Let me know if you would ever be interested in beta reading :)

[Mazey]

Keith wrote: "I'd say it's a good start, but doesn't feel grabby to me. Since, at least to my old eyes, Harper is a gender neutral name, I think you need a gender identifier somewhere in the first paragraph. Als..."

Thanks for the advice! I'll consider your edits :)