Sci Fy Fantasy Query Help

[C.K.]

I'm looking for some opinions on my Query letter.

I am seeking representation for my book The Orbs of Laundron, a 112,296-word journey from Earth to the war-torn planet Laundron is a world where magic has had a devastating impact on its people. My book falls in line with series of like of; The Sword of Truth by Terry Goodkind, The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan and The Sword of Shannara By Terry Brooks. I think that this book fits with your mandate for complex social, political sci-fi/fantasy, world-building, and strong female protagonists.

Rayla raised her arm, placing her hand upon his chest, an action that seemed to take forever while Taylor stood frozen in place, staring at her. The Orb that hung from her neck turned from its usual grey to shine a blinding purple. She closed her eyes, and through her hand, Taylor’s entire body felt the jolt of the Orb’s magical power surge through him, prickling like a thousand needles. Ever thing went white, and his body went numb...

Taylor is a graduate from with a doctoral degree in Archeology. Who needs a break after the accidental death of his wife. While he is in the Rockies hiking for the summer to grieve his loss, he encounters Rayla. A woman of power on her planet both as a warrior and leader, she has come in search for him. When Taylor is unwilling to return back to her world with Rayla. She takes him back to her planet, using magic against his wishes.

Once they are on Rayla’s world, Taylor is gifted one of three orbs of tremendous magic, after which he begins fulfilling prophecy. A prophecy he plays a vital part in defeating the tyrannical man that has enslaved Rayla’s world. He reluctantly joins Rayla in the rush to save her and her people’s from their plight. With Rayla wielding a second Orb, they begin a journey that leads them to a hidden city full of secrets. All while falling in love.


The Orbs of Laundron is the first book in a series but can be presented as a stand-alone book as well. A manuscript in part or in full can be delivered upon your request.

The Orbs of Laundron is ideally suited for sci-fi aficionados of any gender who enjoy adventure, twists, and turns, romance all wrapped in magic and technology.

[Keith]

It's good you have comps, but I worry they're too famous. Comps are expected to be well-selling, but best-selling doesn't tell agents/publishers much because best selling actually has little to do with the author or writing and more about timing and luck.

Your second paragraph feels like an excerpt. You put your blurb (that you've polished to within an inch of your life) in the query. _If_ the agent asks for more, it would go below the end of the email (almost never will they accept an attachment). Only supply the agent with what they want - no more, no less. A good agent might get 500 queries each week and are looking for reasons to delete them (expect no answer means 'no'). I was confused reading the second paragraph, and confusion is a 'bad thing.'

I assume the next two paragraphs are your blurb. In my opinion, it's not ready for prime time and needs a lot of polishing. The opening sentence is already making me yawn. The second sentence feels incomplete, like there should have been a comma between the first two sentences.

For me, it's a huge leap to think that Rayla would randomly pick Taylor and hand him an 'orb of tremendous magic.' I think you need some explanation for why she'd pick and trust him. You mention three orbs, but there are only two people with an orb each.

A few words on your blurb's last sentence. While there are readers of scifi/romance, it's a crossover genre and there isn't typically a lot of overlap. I've read a number of scifi that had romance in it, but it wasn't the core of the story. Putting that last sentence makes me think the romance is, indeed, a core part of your story. If you don't intend to attract romance readers (thus diluting your appeal to fantasy/scifi readers) then I suggest you minimize that aspect in the blurb. If the romance is a major part, then you may have challenges finding agents, and later publishers, willing to take it on.

"I am seeking representation" and "A manuscript in part or in full can be delivered upon your request" are entirely wasted words, that is exactly what a query is for.

[C.K.]

Keith wrote: "It's good you have comps, but I worry they're too famous. Comps are expected to be well-selling, but best-selling doesn't tell agents/publishers much because best selling actually has little to do ..."

Thanks Keith!

Does this read better?

I will look for new comps.

I am seeking representation for my book The Orbs of Laundron, a 112,296-word journey from Earth to the war-torn planet Laundron is a world where magic has had a devastating impact on its people. My book falls in line with series of like of; .

Taylor is hiking in the Rockies hiking for the summer when he encounters Rayla. A woman of power on her planet both as a warrior and leader, has come in search for him. When Taylor, the man from her prophetic visions, is unwilling to return back to her world. She takes him back to her planet, using magic against his wishes.

Once they are on Rayla’s world, Taylor is gifted one of three orbs of tremendous magic, after which he begins fulfilling prophecy. A prophecy he plays a vital part in defeating the tyrannical man that has enslaved Rayla’s world and the third holder of an orb. He reluctantly joins Rayla in the rush to save her and her people’s from their plight. With Rayla wielding a second Orb, they begin a journey that leads them to a hidden city full of secrets. All while falling in love.


The Orbs of Laundron is ideally suited for sci-fi aficionados of any gender who enjoy adventure, twists, and turns, all wrapped in magic and technology

[Keith]

I think it's an improvement, but still needs work. I'll PM you with a link to a blog post distilling my efforts to help with blurbs over the years.