Realistic contemporary YA query help

[Megan Rose]

Hey guys! I’m looking for help with my YA realistic contemporary query!

Thanks!

*note, deals with eating disorders

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Dear Agent,

Thank you for the opportunity to submit my query for ANA, a character driven young adult realistic contemporary about finding self-worth and family, of first love, and of friendships, broken and then rebuilt. ANA is complete at 75,000 words.

Three years after her parents’ divorce, Kristen Hall is floundering—moving to Sedona, Arizona from Phoenix to live with her sister, her dad remarrying, and her mother’s abandonment—and the only one who understands is Ana, the embodiment of her eating disorder. Rationally, Kristen knows that Ana is not good for her, but the thought of letting her go is unimaginable. But her budding relationship with Alex Taylor—thoughtful, selfless, and charming—threatens her relationship with Ana. In Alex, Kristen sees everything that she could be—selfless, independent, and more in control of the chaos surrounding her—and she knows that to keep one, she has to lose the other.

[Kevin]

Seems solid to me.

I believe "character-driven" should be hyphenated, and you also need a second comma after Arizona in the sentence, "moving to Sedona, Arizona, from Phoenix"

Also, the sentence that begins "But her budding relationship" feels a little weird because it directly follows a "but" clause. I'm not certain of the best fix, but I'd maybe play around with that sentence a bit.

Good luck!

[ANnA]

First off you're missing a hook. Your query should always start with a hook, something to pull the reader into Kristen's life and her struggle. Also, I don't really understand the phrase 'embodiment of her eating disorder? ' Is Ana an imaginary friend or an actual person? I would put the struggle between her eating disorder/Ana and Alex first and forefront, as that seems to be the main obstacle of the plot..? Anyways, sounds interesting!

[Megan Rose]

Theresa wrote: "First off you're missing a hook. Your query should always start with a hook, something to pull the reader into Kristen's life and her struggle. Also, I don't really understand the phrase 'embodimen..."

Thanks for the feedback!
Ana is like an imaginary friend, I guess you could say--she's like that negative voice inside her head that she's personified into a person.
I know my hook is nonexistent, I've just had trouble coming up with something that sounds catchy--I would say that the main plot points are her struggles with accepting the fact that her mom abandoned the family (that's how Ana came to be, to cope, basically) and her relationship with Alex threatening her relationship with Ana. Thanks for the suggestion!