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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb Help: NA Urban Fantasy

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message 1: by [deleted user] (last edited Apr 10, 2019 06:03PM) (new)

I was just wondering if this blurb draws you in. That if you read this blurb it would make you want to read this story or at least check it out.

"It has been centuries since the Magi have last been seen. In those years the world has changed greatly, and with it, the memory of the Magi faded.

But the Magi live on.

They have learned to conceal themselves from the prying eyes of humans. They have learned to walk among them without ever being discovered. In some cases, some Magi don’t even know that they are Magi.

Tyler Metal is one of these cases.

Tyler is like many other people. Directionless. Lost. Looking for some kind of purpose at the great crossroads of life. But like so many others, he is left clueless.

That is, until, he encounters a person that gives him exactly what he wants. A purpose within the vast, chaotic sea of life. But when disaster strikes, he must flee if he wants a chance at survival.

Yet unbeknownst to him and everyone else, there is a great threat looming over the world."

Thank you for taking the time to check this out and I hope you all have a great day!

(Edit: I realize that I put the title as 'query' instead of 'blurb.' I have since changed it. I apologize for that.)


message 2: by Keith (new)

Keith Oxenrider (mitakeet) | 1166 comments You start with backstory, which is generally problematic. You want to hook the reader with your MC's emotional journey and he only shows up half way through.

Much like in the novel proper, you should only be bringing in world building and back story as needed, when needed, and not a moment sooner.

In addition, you need to be cognizant that most reader's first impression (after the cover) is going to be on some webpage that only displays the first sentence or two of your blurb. And that the reader has mostly likely arrived at your page because of the search terms they've used, meaning they're already looking for something Magi related. Thus, do you consider your first sentence as 'grabby' enough to entice the reader to click in order to view the rest of the blurb?

For more concrete things, we don't know much more about your MC than he's lazy, shiftless and apparently great things are expected of him from some unidentified person or group. We don't know what that purpose is and we have no idea of what's keeping him from accomplishing this purpose. The general rule of thumb is anything that happens in the first 2/3 of the novel is fair game in the blurb. Spoilers only apply to the ending.

PM me if you'd like a link to my blog post where I attempt to distill my efforts to help people with their blurbs.


message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

Keith wrote: "You start with backstory, which is generally problematic. You want to hook the reader with your MC's emotional journey and he only shows up half way through.

Much like in the novel proper, you sho..."


Thanks for the feedback. I've written a new blurb if you would want to see it. I tried to make it focus more on Tyler while still giving some backstory to the world.


message 4: by Keith (new)

Keith Oxenrider (mitakeet) | 1166 comments Post it here. A new post, don't edit the old one. I'll look at it in the morning.


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

Keith wrote: "Post it here. A new post, don't edit the old one. I'll look at it in the morning."

Alright.


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