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TENTORIA
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Book Chat > Which book description may be most appealing to you?

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message 1: by Sorin (last edited Apr 07, 2019 02:46PM) (new) - added it

Sorin Banu | 4 comments Dear Goodreaders,

For the new English edition of my book I would like to ask your advice: which is to you the most appealing title and description to be put on an e-store (like Amazon) - A or B or C? and D or E?



Title A:
Tentoria
or Title B:
Tentoria: Be ready to forget the future!
or Title C:
Tentoria: When the Island will be the only place to live.

Description D:
Halfway through the 22nd century, mankind enters into a new world war to produce the first generation of Tentorians: an army of bionic humans made up as a last ditch solution to establish peace. With functioning bodies and human intelligence, they are the first genuine success in the artificial improvement. In time, the Tentorians come officially to be a nation, showing more and more their true nature: blood and power-thirsty, human-bodied machines. Thus, in the 25th century, the great powers made up their minds to hunt them down all over the world and have them isolated inside a region called TENTORIA.

Will the springing of this nation bear consequences on the past?
The action moves back in time 500 years, to the year 2024. Cole is a 27 year old young man leading a happy life in a peculiar world: a planet Earth consisting but of a piece of land surrounded by one single large ocean, and a population of 12 million people ruled by a secret organization. As the story unfolds, he realizes the reality of his existence at break-neck speed on the edge of survival.

"TENTORIA" raises questions on human values, the conflict between virtual and reality, between present and future; on mankind’s hope of living into a concrete, non-virtual world away from the technological drug we grow increasingly addicted to while seeping deeper and deeper inside our body.

or Description E:
An army of bionic humans supposed to establish peace will turn against humanity.
In the 22nd century, mankind enters into a new world war to produce the first generation of Tentorians: an army of bionic humans made up as a last ditch solution to establish peace. With functioning bodies and human intelligence, they are the first genuine success in the artificial improvement. In time, the Tentorians come officially to be a nation, showing more and more their true nature: blood and power-thirsty, human-bodied machines. Thus, in the 25th century, the great powers made up their minds to hunt them down all over the world and have them isolated inside a region called TENTORIA.

Will the springing of this nation bear consequences on the past?
The action moves back in time 500 years, to the year 2024, and to Cole, a 27 year old young man leading a happy life in a peculiar world:
A planet Earth consisting but of a piece of land surrounded by one single large ocean, and a population of 12 million people ruled by a secret organization.
As the story unfolds, Cole realizes the reality of his existence at break-neck speed on the edge of survival.

Where is the human evolution heading?
The dystopian novel "TENTORIA" raises questions on human values, the conflict between virtual and reality; on mankind’s hope of living into a concrete, non-virtual world away from the technological drug we grow increasingly addicted to while seeping deeper and deeper inside our body.

From the readers:
“The kind of book hooking you and not letting you go until finding the truth, who lies, who dies, who loves, and in particular what was really going there!”

“The story covers an interval of 500 years, and sets forth a universe not easy to asses, as the historic events reveal themselves to the reader: do we deal here with a utopia or dystopia?”

“A book full of action that is ready to take you into a thrilling adventure along time.”

“It’s interesting how it alternates from one century to the other or from a strictly confined world to a boundless one. Liked it for having me thinking, opening before my eyes a quite possible future.”

“A narration on future...or past, on mankind’s addiction to an increasingly sophisticated technology or to a straightforward achieved happiness.”

“It was hard to put it aside. It set my mind in ‘motion’ and shaped an utterly unexpected vision over what our not too far future might look like.”


You see other better options? Feel free to share.

Thanks a lot!


message 2: by Audrey (new)

Audrey (niceyackerman) | 317 comments Title C, Description E.
Make it as concise as possible, and run it by an editor. Some sentences are a bit awkward.


message 3: by mysticofworlds (last edited Apr 07, 2019 03:19PM) (new)

mysticofworlds | 668 comments I agree with Audrey. I think the description needs to be tweaked for better syntax. To tell you the truth, none of the titles really would capture my interest, but especially not the second one (Title B).


message 4: by Karin (last edited Apr 07, 2019 03:31PM) (new)

Karin I didn't read all of either because one of them was far too long. Also, the shorter one needs a fair bit of editing because the middle paragraph juts out there--it could be shorter as well. It would be best to have a strong English editor who speaks, reads and writes English as their first language.

The subtitle for C is better than the subtitle for B, but I personally am not keen on the word Tentorians, although it might work better in your native language. However, I am highly unlikely to be your target audience as I have read a LOT of scifi with a lot of bionic stuff in it so it's harder to get me interested (I am older than your target audience, I am sure). It reminds me of the number 10, of the word stentorian (it is almost the same as you can see) and a bit of the word tentative. Does it have a meaning?

Some of the best fictional names in scifi or even dystopian come from other languages or old languages--Star Trek did a LOT of this--even character names. Odo is a very old English name, for example, and an episode had a Soren in it, which is a Scandinavian name. The Borg comes from a Scandinavian name meaning fortress or castle, etc.

I have read MANY dystopian novels, including some with the global warming theme--what about this novel makes it stand out? Use that.


message 5: by Sorin (new) - added it

Sorin Banu | 4 comments Audrey wrote: "Title C, Description E.
Make it as concise as possible, and run it by an editor. Some sentences are a bit awkward."


Thanks, Audrey, for the input. I think the "concise" remark stood out also in other remarks.

As for the awkwardness, I will have a double check - Description D was normally edited. Would really be great if you could help me with pointing to a part where you would have the text revised.
Thanks again; really appreciated.


message 6: by Sorin (new) - added it

Sorin Banu | 4 comments Serena F. wrote: "I agree with Audrey. I think the description needs to be tweaked for better syntax. To tell you the truth, none of the titles really would capture my interest, but especially not the second one (Ti..."

Thank you, Serena, for your prompt input as well.
What would you choose between A or C? (having in mind the cover picture is there on the same product presentation page)

Wish you a good day and thanks again.


message 7: by Sorin (new) - added it

Sorin Banu | 4 comments Karin wrote: "I didn't read all of either because one of them was far too long. Also, the shorter one needs a fair bit of editing because the middle paragraph juts out there--it could be shorter as well. It woul..."

Thank you, Karin, for taking the time sharing that much. Much appreciated.

I think any dystopian/sci-fi fan should be in my target audience, irrespective of the age. "Tentorian" has a meaning from a Latin base ->‘extended one’. Unfortunately I cannot change it anymore now. I should have asked for more opinions at the beginning ;-).

I'll make sure I shrink all the text. It makes sense.

Thanks again and have a great day!


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