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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Query help Adult fantasy

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message 1: by Josh (last edited May 04, 2019 08:58PM) (new)

Josh Torres | 21 comments Looking for feedback on my query. Thanks

Nineteen-year-old Amelia is hoping to escape the monotonous life her parents have planned for her and embarks on a journey across the world. She’s always yearned for adventure but finds more than she bargained for when she meets a woman named Casey upon arriving at her first destination.
Casey, twenty-six, has been on the run from the head of an anti-governmental organization who's seeking her because of her magical ability to restore any item.

The ancient generators that bring stability to the world’s energy—a phenomenon which gives the planet’s inhabitants unique abilities—are in turmoil. Amelia, whose fate is intertwined with three others, unwittingly gets involved in a plot to fix said generators, believing the organization's cause to be righteous. Casey, on the other hand, suspects otherwise: that the organization has nothing but ill intentions.

Told through four points of view, THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHT AND DARKNESS is an Adult fantasy novel complete at 100,000 words with series potential.

I’ve drawn inspiration from multiple cultures including my own, Mayan, as well as Eastern Asiatic and Scandinavian to create the world of Navorra.

message 2: by Chris (new)

Chris | 6 comments Need to know more about the world the characters inhabit?

message 3: by Josh (new)

Josh Torres | 21 comments I've made significant changes to the query as well as the novel in general. Hoping for any feedback. The first part before the meta info also serves as a blurb.

message 4: by Serena Louise (new)

Serena Louise (icelanna) | 9 comments This sounds so interesting!

I like the direction this is going but I think it could be tightened and clarified. The first paragraph especially. We don't get a lot of information even though is several sentences long. Why is her life so monotonous? What's happening to make her want to drop her life and go around the world? Is this Earth or is Navorra on a different planet, are there destinations in Navorra? Or somewhere else? What is this organisation exactly? Who are the other people mentioned as we only have two characters here but it says it's told from 4 POV's?

I haven't got all of the information but maybe something like this perhaps:

Nineteen-year-old Amelia wants freedom. Stuck at home with her parents living the same life she's lived for years, she sets off to (insert country/city/land) thirsty for adventure and change. But her plans change when she meets Casey in (country/city/land). Casey is wanted by the head of (insert organisation name) because she has the ability to restore items.
The generators that feed the world energy, the source of everyone's unique powers, is in turmoil. Amelia and (other characters here) are swept into the challenge to restore the generators to full power, but Casey suspects the (organisation name) wants to use her powers for themselves against the government.

I hope that helps. I would really add in some information about the characters even if it's only 1 short sentence about each of them as I'm assuming they have a substantial part of the novel if they have POV chapters :)

Let me know if you have any questions or want to talk more!

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