Beta / Proof Readers discussion

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Authors > Serious free Beta Readers wanted for "Redwolf"

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message 1: by Patrick (new)

Patrick Kane-johnson (redwolf10000) | 3 comments Hey there, are you an outcast looking for your identity? Are you completely terrible at everything that doesn’t involve fighting. Are you ignored no matter how much you try to be noticed?
I know I was, hi my name is James Kane and I’ll be your protagoniste if you decide I’m actually worth your time. (And let’s be honest I’m not.) Who the hell would read a 131k word book in the first place? I know I wouldn’t. I’ll rather continue getting the shit beaten out of me then caught dead with a book, those are the real killers.
Anyways I’m James, the red headed outcast of 7th grade who is known to have a little bit of a temper, though it’s not that bad as long as you don’t try to piss me off like that dickhead named Dan. (Sigh) Why out of everyone he had to be the one who was childhood friends with my 7th grade crush named Hannah, I don’t know.
Just the shit cards I hold I guess, along with being ignored by everyone. That’s my life for you, sleep in class, wake up, fight a little bit, hang with my one and only friend Jake, fight some more, try to talk to Hannah, get rejected by Hannah, fight someone else, and so forth. All while making myself look like a complete and utter dumbass to everyone.
What was I talking about again? I got distracted by seeing a ladybug crawling up my wall. Oh ya why you should choose me in my story known as “Redwolf” to be my beta reader. If you must know there's comic book like action, realistic conflicts of my age, along with the journey of trying to break free from the role I was given in my school.
I should probably mention that the school I go to isn’t exactly a normal one since it actually is a summer school. A summer school full of crazy ass shit! Kind of like Harry Potter or Percy Jackson but don’t tell Mr.C I said that, cause he will kill all of your dreams of becoming a wizard by explaining in reality there is no such thing as true “magic.” There’s only the laws and physics of the Guardians and Protectors, which I guess I’m one of because I keep hearing a goddamn voice in my head.
The history of the Guardians and Protectors go as far back as the time of creation, though I could care less. I’ll rather sleep or day dream about Hannah then listen to a boring ass lesson.
Oh... I should probably mention the freakin Monsters that attack the school once and awhile. Their called Monkers and are known to steal students. Besides that everything else is like a resort, with the sandy beaches and bright blue ocean in the hot peaceful days… I’m joking everything sucks here, we’re not on some resort it’s an old castle somewhere I think in Canada cause it’s surrounded by forest.
Each day me and the asshole named Dan bump heads. I have almost died I don’t know how many times within the few months of my stay here. I have been beaten so badly I forget what room I’m in of the castle not to mention all the wounds I’ve claimed on my body.
So if you're into action, sword fights, superhuman abilities, realistic characters with development between them, and the story of a kid who isn’t perfect but will awake as a hero. I’m your redhead. So join me in my adventures of “Redwolf”.
If you are interested you can me message back or email me at pjkjohnson@gmail.com
Thank you for your time, have a good day.


message 2: by Tito (new)

Tito Athano (bobspringett) | 69 comments Patrick wrote: "Hey there, are you an outcast looking for your identity? Are you completely terrible at everything that doesn’t involve fighting. Are you ignored no matter how much you try to be noticed?
I know I ..."


Good 'character' promo, Patrick. But as James says himself, "Who the hell would read a 131k word book in the first place? I know I wouldn’t. I’ll rather continue getting the shit beaten out of me then caught dead with a book" if it was that long and all of it was such stultifying language! But if I could see that this language was used only sparingly, I might have been tempted.

Seriously, there is such a thing as overkill. Showing a snippet of this sort of thing within a more balanced sampler might have been a better way to go.

But apart from that, I'm not into fantasy, or I would be tempted to at least give it a try. All the best!


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