DECEMBER 2018 Microstory Contest - Critiques Only

[G.C.]

This Month's Theme:
Receipt of a gift (for a December holiday of your choice) that comes with complicated instructions.

Required Element:
It's important that you follow the instructions exactly or else...

[Jot]

Eponymous Plot Device
Jeremy Lichtman

Felt that this could have been an interesting story, but it was cut off before the drama was built. Would have liked it better if we saw what was really in the box and the ultimate fate of Harv.


Christmas Gift
By Tom Olbert

Well written piece that left you wondering what part of the pleasure android instructions were skipped. The ending brilliantly explains the missing link and also the reason for the deadly nature of the droid. Nice job.


The Other Roswell Incident
Karl Freitag

In writing my time-travel novel, I thought about the technical oversight to allow the time-traveler jump without worrying about the changing location of the Earth. It worked well here in your climax. I liked the story, but felt there could have been a little more to improve it. Perhaps a visual description of the person appearing in the vacuum of space and the silent screams of his death.


Dispirited Directions
Justin Sewall

I liked the writing of this Scrooge based story, with packages of past, present and future, but seem to be lost to figure out the final fate of the man who received them.


The Gift that Keeps on Giving
Kalifer Deil

The theme was interesting, but the outcome seemed rushed, and left me wanting a little more. Also, there are few typos in the story.


The Surprise Package
by C. Lloyd Preville

Interesting concept for the story but the ending was a little disappointing. Was hoping for something more dramatic. Also, what was the consequence for not placing in the box?


Toy Soldier
Chris Nance

As always, very nicely written and loved the ending to see there was not one toy soldier, but an army of them. Having the culprits being Martians seemed a little weird, but since we are talking about Santa, it worked. Think it might have been better if there was a South Pole enemy or something.


Fly Free
Greg Krumrey

Well written story and liked the plot. Felt there could have more at the ending, but that is often the nature of these microstories.

[Tom]

Thank you, very much, Jot, for your complimentary words, and for taking the time to review our stories.

I found yours very effective. The tension building up to the dramatic and tragic ending was both potent and accessible.

[Kalifer]

Thanks, Jot for the review. Your right, I ran out of words at the end and couldn't stage it quite right. As always. I don't see my own typos but I'm sure you are right.

[Karl]

Thank you Jot

[C.]

Thanks Jot. Was aiming more at funnybone than cerebellum on this one.

[Jot]

Thanks Tom as always for the critique. I don't normally provide feedback, because I am not the best reader and easily loose focus on a story unless it immediately catches me. Hence, I am not the best for providing the most accurate reviews.

[Kalifer]

Thanks Jot for sending me a list of errors. This is my purgatory for not paying attention in English classes.

[Jot]

Hey, I failed English in 11th grade. Paula and this contest has been a far better educator for me. Merry Christmas to all!

[Greg]

Thanks! I often do run out of words. When I have time, I try to squeeze out some words early on to add more to the end, but this time I just ran out of time.