Beta / Proof Readers discussion

Authors > Beta Readers needed for ~106k word Sci-fi adventure

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message 1: by Jen (new)

Jen Hi all!
I'm looking for Beta Readers for a Sci-fi adventure involving alternate universes, superpowered folks, and betrayal. It's in first person from 4 peoples' POV. No sex scenes, but it does have violent moments and one of the characters likes to swear. In particular I'm hoping for one Reader to help me with what a Londoner would say for one POV, and another Reader who's considered to be a super Grammar Nazi for a different POV. Overall though, I really need to know what parts of the story works and what doesn't. For those interested, here's a snippet from the first chapter:

“Let go of me!” I scream, the sound resonating down the hall as an empty echo. The castle guards ignore my cries and drag me into my chambers. My head feels as if it was splitting in half and the room spins as they push me onto my bed. I fight desperately against them, but I am no match as the men tie down my limbs. Fear washes over me like a tidal wave. “Please no, please don’t,” I beg. My vision shatters into millions of pieces, taking me back to the place with the cold hard floors and bland color palettes. A knowledge pulls from deep within me, one with a familiarity with this place. Sounds and smells muddle together and assaults my senses: birds chirping, piercing beeps, freshly picked roses, strange words like ‘sedate’ and ‘medication’.
Then, a clarity. As if I had been caught in the middle of a horrific storm, but now the skies are clear. I understand where I am, even though the reason escapes me.
The two nurses who tied me down are speaking with a young man around my age in a similar uniform. His eyes narrows at the nurses, a hungry fever lighting them up. The young man launches forward, ramming an elbow into one of the nurses’ chest as he wraps an arm around the other’s neck. I watch, dumbfounded, as he runs his feet up the first nurse’s body and cradles the man’s head between them before simultaneously snapping both men’s necks. I squeak in horror and attempt to scramble away, but the straps hold me tightly to the bed.
The young man looks straight at me, pity and frustration etched into the corner of his eyes. After a moment he sighs and drags the bodies away from the door. “Too bad the windows don’t open,” he mutters. “But the towel bin should be big enough to get these out.” He turns away, fiddling with something on the desk before revealing a cup filled to the brim with a crystal clear liquid.
“Drink,” he commands, lifting the cup to my lips.
I swallow most of the foul tasting drink in one gulp, fearing he might kill me too. When he takes the cup back, I scream, “Someone help me!”
He is next to me in an instant, glaring as he covers my mouth. “Are you fucking kidding me? I just saved your life. The least you could do is not attract more attention!”
I nod, fear and confusion boiling inside of me as he pulls a slender rectangular object out of his pant pocket. This thing is familiar too, but I can’t recall the name as he holds it up to his ear.
“Hey Izzy,” he says, turning his back. “She went nuts again. Can we PLEASE pull her out? I’m seriously about to lose my shit.” He pauses. “So what if Feinonds are around? You think I can’t handle myself? I just had to kill two!” Another pause. “She’s a Guardian too!” Silence. “Fine. And yes, I have a disposal method.” He closes the object as a heaviness settles over me. The grating sound of a chair dragging across the floor registers in my half-conscious mind.
“We’re staying put, apparently. Sorry,” he mutters.
“I…don’t…,” I whisper.
“Don’t worry about it. You’re not going to remember in the morning anyway.”

message 2: by Tito (new)

Tito Athano (bobspringett) | 69 comments Hi Jen,

I confess to being a sci-fi reader and a grammar nazi. Being in the building industry, I also come across the occasional person who likes to swear.

Do I qualify?

message 3: by Jen (new)

Jen Excellent! I will email you. :)

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