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Something in the Water
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Archive: Other Books > Something in the Water by Catherine Steadman--1 burning-with-rage star

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Nicole R (drnicoler) | 7784 comments Something in the Water by Catherine Steadman
1 star

There are no words to describe the complete rubbish that is this book. I picked it up solely because it was a Hello Sunshine book pick and who doesn't like a good summer thriller? It was easily the worst book I read this year and it just made me angrier and angrier as I went on. I could have stopped reading, but I wanted to finish it so I could write this scathing review. Here I go.

My #1 complain is that the main character was a flaming idiot. Like the dumbest person ever. Erin and Mark are on their honeymoon in Bora Bora when they find "something in the water." Great. Perfect. I can overlook the minuscule chance of finding a small bag in the vast ocean because we need a way to get into the story. Fine.

Then, Erin and Mark decide to take this "something found," which launches them into the world of crime and they go to extraordinary lengths to keep their secret. This couple, this completely normal British couple, is suddenly engaging in MOB LEVEL ACTIVITIES. Like, as in, MENTORED BY A MOB BOSS THAT ERIN JUST HAPPENS TO KNOW. And how does Erin figure out how to do these massively, internationally illegal things? SHE MOTHER F-ING GOOGLES THEM ALL. ON HER UNSECURED PHONE AND COMPUTER. SHE JUST READS WIKIPEDIA TO BECOME A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND.

But that is not even the worst part. The author has no flipping idea how to craft her story and move it forward and so how does she enter information into the story? ERIN READS WIKIPEDIA ALOUD TO HER HUSBAND/THE READER. I. Hate. This. It is so stupid.

Erin makes the most stupid decisions I have ever seen a human being make. They find a cell phone they thing belongs to hardened criminals—she turns it on and checks the texts. She decides to meet up with Russian mafia—she buys a Glock off a criminal even though she has never even held a gun. She just wants to figure out how much some valuable found items are worth—she walks into the freaking BUSINESS DISTRICT OF LONDON which is canvassed with cameras.

And, I can't even rant about how freaking naive she was without giving anything away. She trusted everyone. "Oh, you are the most notorious criminal to ever come out of England and have a reputation for torturing and killing people? Let me just illegally and somehow secretly give you a ring in maximum security prison and see what you would do about my situation. Oh, you need a small favor in return? Sure! Why not? This could not possibly end poorly." She was absolutely an idiot. I wanted to slap her across the face and tell her to open her g.d. eyes.

And I haven't even touched on the completely irrelevant storyline of her documentary. It served one purpose: to introduce her to a specific guy in prison, but there was so much going on with it that just never went anywhere.

I just can't. I hated this book. It went so far beyond the basic leaps in logic you employ in a typical thriller and was just 100% untethered from any rational thought or action.

On the plus side? The narrator (who happened to be the author) was quite good.

message 2: by Susie (new)

Susie | 4488 comments Best hate review ever!

Nicole R (drnicoler) | 7784 comments I am still seething just thinking about this book.

message 4: by Susie (new)

Susie | 4488 comments That’s how I felt about Stephen King’s End of Watch. I was angry at it for days!

Nicole R (drnicoler) | 7784 comments Reading the 1 and 2 star reviews is making me feel a bit better. Some of those people are just as irate as me. lol.

It was just so bad. So. So. Bad.

message 6: by Amy (new)

Amy | 9372 comments Love a good scathing review. They are better than th book.

message 7: by Tracy (new)

Tracy (tstan) | 1238 comments Thank you for brightening my morning-I would have abandoned it. I appreciate how you took one for the team, so we could enjoy your review!

message 8: by Idit (new)

Idit | 1028 comments lol you poor thing! great review.

dumb characters are the worst!
{dumb authors are too - but that's mean to say}

message 9: by Joanne (new)

Joanne (joabroda1) | 8431 comments Great review-kudos to you for sticking it out! I stopped finishing books that do this to me-if I am not hitting at least 3 stars mid-book It goes on the Not Finished shelf

Nicole R (drnicoler) | 7784 comments Joanne wrote: "Great review-kudos to you for sticking it out! I stopped finishing books that do this to me-if I am not hitting at least 3 stars mid-book It goes on the Not Finished shelf"

I typically quit reading them as well, I am not generally one of those people that sticks with a book that I don't enjoy. But, I became fixated on writing a scathing review and felt like I needed to finish the book to validate that! lol

Plus, I did like the narrator, it was not long and I listened at 1.5x on top of that, and I did not have anything else to listen to!

message 11: by annapi (new)

annapi | 5159 comments LOL Please post your review on Amazon! Other people have to be warned about this! And it's entertaining :)

message 12: by KateNZ (new)

KateNZ | 2671 comments Too funny! I’m glad I didn’t read this in public... Great review - that’s what I call suffering in the name of art, Nicole!

How the heck did all that get past an editor?

Nicole R (drnicoler) | 7784 comments KateNZ wrote: "Too funny! I’m glad I didn’t read this in public... Great review - that’s what I call suffering in the name of art, Nicole!

How the heck did all that get past an editor?"

The book has lots of great reviews! Maybe other people will think differently. I think you should read it so we can do a compare and contrast ;)

message 14: by annapi (new)

annapi | 5159 comments I just looked at the book on Amazon. I couldn't believe the "#1 NYT Bestseller" until I saw the author page - her first book, she is an actress (Mabel Lane Fox on Downton Abbey). Her publicist must have paid to get her book on the list or something.

message 15: by KateNZ (new)

KateNZ | 2671 comments The things you point out would drive me up the frikking wall, Nicole - my blood pressure wouldn’t take it, lol. And I could never match your review 😂

message 16: by Book Concierge (new)

Book Concierge (tessabookconcierge) | 6406 comments Oh, Nicole, you have given me a good and proper belly laugh this morning! Sorry you had to suffer through this. Book like this are why I have a shelf called "ZERO stars" ...

message 17: by Amy N. (new)

Amy N. | 256 comments I love reading (and sometimes writing) angry reviews, but I don't have the patience to put up with crap long enough to write them myself, so I'm always grateful for people who do.

message 18: by Ladyslott (new)

Ladyslott | 1880 comments Ha ha. Just got this from the library. I’m tempted to read it just to justify your brilliant review. But since I trust your judgement I will return it.

Nicole R (drnicoler) | 7784 comments While I would love to see your scathing review to justify my own response, I would not wish this torture on you.

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