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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Feedback on Sci-fi novel blurb needed

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message 1: by Zhanae (new)

Zhanae Johnson | 16 comments I've been struggling to structure and clean up my blurb for a while now but I can only read it so many times before it becomes white noise lol. So hopefully I can get another eye on it. Thanks to anyone who can help.

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Significant leaps in scientific technology have birthed designer babies but only the wealthy elite have access to them. Sold off at birth for their special abilities by Aegis--a multi-national institute that specializes in the creation of genetically augmented human beings--Mediums are promised into unions to influential and privileged benefactors.

Recently graduated from Aegis Institute, straight-laced Drexton is bound by duty as a telepath. Just as he begins to fulfill his mission, he is plucked from his sunny, idyllic life on the Pacific Coast after the tragic death of his benefactor. Transplanted to a new facility on the frigid eastern seaboard, he agrees to play the part of student and peer, running intimate surveillance on special targets.

When his relationship with two targets--Indigo, a flight risk with a destructive streak and Logan, an unpredictable force to be reckoned with--becomes complicated, he gets caught up in a conflict between the exploitative system he was raised in and a liberation front looking to free others like him.


message 2: by Keith (new)

Keith Oxenrider (mitakeet) | 1167 comments I feel like you have too much back story. We don't even get the MC introduced until the second paragraph.

What are "Mediums"?

You say 'sold off at birth' yet it appears Drexton is some level of adult despite being 'recently graduated.'

It's not really clear what the stakes are. You mention 'a liberation front,' which sounds very weak. Not even "The Liberation Front." What would it mean to be 'free' anyway? Drexton starts out in "his sunny, idyllic life on the Pacific Coast." Nor is it clear what the obstacles are, beyond 'frigid eastern seaboard,' which is also pretty weak.

Generally you only name characters that show up more than once in a blurb. Otherwise use function name.

If you like, PM me and I can send you a link to a blog post I wrote that talks about ideas for creating blurbs and synopses.


message 3: by Zhanae (new)

Zhanae Johnson | 16 comments What do you mean by function name?


message 4: by Keith (new)

Keith Oxenrider (mitakeet) | 1167 comments Indigo: a flight risk with a destructive streak

Logan: an unpredictable force to be reckoned with


When his relationship with two targets--a flight risk with a destructive streak and an unpredictable force to be reckoned with--becomes complicated, he gets caught up in a conflict between the exploitative system he was raised in and a liberation front looking to free others like him.


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