Goodreads Authors/Readers discussion

17 views
Bulletin Board > Blurb help - fantasy fiction, Land of Burning Roses

Comments Showing 1-5 of 5 (5 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by A. J. Deschene (last edited Aug 19, 2018 05:43AM) (new)

A. J. Deschene (ajdeschene) | 34 comments Hi, everyone,
I'm working on my upcoming novel Land of Burning Roses which some of you may remember from an earlier discussion where I tried to narrow down my final title. Thanks so much to those who helped!
As promised, I wanted to ask your opinion on the blurb, even though my estimated release isn't for several months; I just want to get onto it as soon as possible so I'll have plenty of time to get it right before my book's release.
Let me know what you think/how I can improve it. All criticism is welcome and very much appreciated:


(Edited)

I can't ever go back to my life of politics; I can't let another in my family die because of me.


Valeon, 1182.

A wall separates the east and west sides of Known World, with one gate that opens and closes when it desires. Some see it as a cause for celebration when it opens, while others have been affected deeply by the loss of loved ones when it closes.

When my sister came through, she brought her five-year-old daughter, Anna, with her, then disappeared the next day, leaving me to raise the thing a hate most in this world . . . a child.
A child who does not share my language.

Now, after an unusual war broke out, Anna is being tracked down by our enemies - heavy prices are put on her head, alerting the kingdom's roughest bounty hunters - and there are traitors around every corner, traitors who used to be my friend . . . and Anna's father.

Yet, it seems the fate of Valeon rests with whoever holds Anna in their hands.



What do you think? Would you buy it or would you need more convincing? Let me know your opinions.



message 2: by Simi (new)

Simi Sunny | 185 comments I think it's pretty good, but I think you don't need "Deschene tells a heroic and emotional story of Brook's quest to keep an innocent child from harm's way - no matter the consequences - and return her safely to the protection of her home, where she can never again be affected by the cruel and untamed occurrences in the Land of Burning Roses." It's because the person narrating the synopsis has it covered :)

Oh, from "but as after weeks were wasted away with no result," remove the word "as." Overall, I think your readers will love it.


message 3: by A. J. Deschene (new)

A. J. Deschene (ajdeschene) | 34 comments Simi wrote: "I think it's pretty good, but I think you don't need "Deschene tells a heroic and emotional story of Brook's quest to keep an innocent child from harm's way - no matter the consequences - and retur..."

Thanks! I noticed the embarrassing grammatical mistake hours after posting, but it's gone now.


message 4: by Simi (new)

Simi Sunny | 185 comments Oh ok. :) And don't worry. Even I could make grammatical issues ^^;


message 5: by A. J. Deschene (new)

A. J. Deschene (ajdeschene) | 34 comments (Edited)
A. J.


back to top