Beta / Proof Readers discussion

12 views
Authors > 65,000 word dark urban fantasy seeking betas

Comments Showing 1-2 of 2 (2 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Chris (new)

Chris | 2 comments POV: Third person, multiple POV
Sex scenes: a couple, not explicit.
Level of violence: Moderate in a couple of places, otherwise no.
No time limit for reviews
Willing to accept feedback on part of the book

Except:
Emina Kurjak coughed again, blood flecking at her lips; adding stains to the crisp hospital sheet.
“We never were Romeo and Juliet.” She rasped, her eyelids weary with the weight of morphine.
Aleksandar wiped his wife’s mouth clean with a napkin. “I’d have liked us to be.” He spoke in English, to please his wife.
“Teenager wasters who kill themselves when it gets a bit difficult.” Emina dribbled a gob of phlegm into the well-used plastic kidney dish. “Can you imagine if those two assholes had kids? Jesus.”
“All parents are bad parents I think.” Aleksandar rose and went over to close the window.
“Leave it open”
Aleksandar considered his wife’s instruction. The window was open only a crack, but still enough for the spring morning to suck the heat from the room. A restraining bar prevented it from opening further, much to Emina’s disgust. No jumping from this room and causing the hospital unnecessary paperwork. But then as Emina had pointed out, the chair would soon make a big enough hole for them to leap through, if need be. So she had insisted on the chair being on this side of the bed.
Only Emina could possibly see a window five stories above a concrete car park as an escape route. She couldn’t even get out of bed unassisted, let alone throw the chair through the window and follow it. Not anymore.
“Our Damir will be a good father.” Emina said.
Aleksandar pretended to decide whether or not to close the window, spatters of rain bouncing through the crack and onto his trousers. Being in a room with closed windows would only make his wife fret and he didn’t want that. He returned to his seat and buttoned his coat. The hard plastic of the chair dug back into his spine and skinny buttocks. He barely had enough flesh on his back, or backside to make any but the softest of chairs comfortable for any length of time
Emina’s eyes swept across the small room to the exit in the corner.
Aleksandar sighed. “Emina Kurjak, no one is going to attack you in here. There is no one interested in mad old ladies.”
A nurse entered, making Aleksandar jump and Emina rewarded her husband with a smile.
“Are you grandparents yet?” The nurse asked as she fed Emina her pills.
“Not yet.” Aleksandar said, overly cheerful.
Emina took her medicine, distrusting the nurse and the door in equal measure. The nurse checked the morphine and gathered up Emina’s breakfast, which had been curved around the plate by an unenthusiastic spoon, and otherwise untouched. Aleksandar wondered if the nurse would say anything about the food. She didn’t need to, her look said enough.
After the nurse left, Aleksandar took Emina’s hands and wrapped his fingers into hers: gnarled oak roots interlocking. Their chilled fingers squeezed, rubbing wedding rings together. The gold, worn and scratched by the years, managed to catch the light on occasions still.
“And Tessa?” Aleksandar asked.
“Tessa?”
“She will make a good parent yes?”
Emina shrugged distain for her daughter-in-law.
“You need to be more… diplomatic with her.” Aleksandar said.
“I never was much good at diplomacy.”
“Yes you are. Just not the unarmed type. Make no mistake Emmy, Tessa sees you for the lunatic bitch you are and unless you fool her into thinking you’ve got a soft side...”
“Strong women frighten her. That is not my fault.”
“Tessa isn’t frighten by strong women. It’s the lunatics that give guns at baby showers that frighten her. Guess which category you fall into?”
“If we’d had…” Emina was wracked by a coughing fit. “… had a gun when…”
Aleksandar lifted water to her lips and took the opportunity to speak over her. “If we’d had a gun, then we’d all of us be dead.”
Emina didn’t reply. Her need for the water was greater than her need to set Aleksandar straight. For now.


message 2: by Eris (new)

Eris December (sirion) | 45 comments Hi,

I would be interested. My rate is 0,0013$ per word, but I’m willing to read a chapter for free to see if my style is to your liking.

I look forward to working with you. You can contact me via email (ErisDecember@outlook.com or by PM).

Have a nice day!!


back to top