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Blurb Workshop > Blurb Help - Cozy Mystery, A Candy Coated Lie

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message 1: by Jill (new)

Jill (jillbrock) | 77 comments Hi all,

This is my first attempt at my new book blurb. Hopefully, it conveys the mystery, humor and dilemmas of the MC. All comments are welcome. Thank you.

Owner of O So Sweet Bakery, Odessa Wilkes should be thinking about her upcoming wedding. Instead, she is wondering why a dead woman called her looking for her fiancé. No one will give her an answer, including the man she’s about to marry. Everyone is lying. They do it with a smile and it’s pissing her off. With only weeks to the wedding, she must find out, what secrets Heather McLaughlin had before she died. If her anxiety induced rash will clash with her color scheme. Find a way to stop her overbearing sister/wedding coordinator from turning her wedding into a family reunion. How to make nice with a Ukrainian slum lord who wants to do bad things to her fiance. It's all starting to feel like Alice at a tea party. Most importantly, if her best friend Maggie, a P.I. in-training can help her chase the rabbit to find the truth.


message 2: by Erin (new)

Erin | 1 comments The only advice; I don’t know that it’s entirely necessary to point out the ethnicity of the scummy landlord? Unless it’s foreshadowing a prevalent arc in your story. That just stood out to me, but otherwise I am very intrigued!


message 3: by Kaylee (new)

Kaylee Dolat | 91 comments I think you could definitely work on varying the punctuation and sentence structure. I kind of felt lost about halfway through it because of that.


message 4: by Jill (new)

Jill (jillbrock) | 77 comments Kaylee wrote: "I think you could definitely work on varying the punctuation and sentence structure. I kind of felt lost about halfway through it because of that."

Yeah, I kinda over stuffed it.

Owner of O So Sweet Bakery, Odessa Wilkes should focus on her upcoming wedding. Instead, she is wondering why a dead woman called her looking for her fiancé. No one will give her an answer, including the man she’s about to marry. Everyone is lying. Between a dictatorial wedding planner, an anxiety-induced rash and deadly warnings, Odessa hopes she makes it to her wedding - alive.


message 5: by Kaylee (new)

Kaylee Dolat | 91 comments SOOOO much better. It flows, doesn't give away too much information, and leaves me feeling intrigued.


message 6: by Jill (new)

Jill (jillbrock) | 77 comments Thanks Kayee. I hate writing blurbs because you want to put so much into it but can't.


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