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Blurb Workshop > Blurb Help - Women's fiction/mystery: A World Other than Her Own

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message 1: by Pamela (new)

Pamela Harju (pamelaharju) | 81 comments Hi all! I would really appreciate if I could get some feedback on the blurb for my upcoming release. The book is a women's fiction/mystery novel.

What if your only way out was a dead end?
When Claire finds herself in an unfamiliar country house that she has no memory of travelling to, all she wants is a way back to her loved ones. Unfortunately for her, the house and its surroundings have other ideas. Without a way to communicate with the outside world and with doors slamming shut in her face and forces of nature keeping her hostage, how can she ever escape?
If you like captivating, spine-chilling mysteries, step inside this creepy country mansion and find out if Claire can make her way out.


message 2: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4356 comments Mod
It's raising all kinds of questions in my mind - is the house haunted? Is she in a dream? Is she insane? That's good. You've given enough to make me want to at least read a few pages and see what this is about.

The only part I don't like is the last line. Lines like that, to me, come across as desperate as they try to oversell the book.


message 3: by Gita (new)

Gita Reddy | 3 comments I agree with Dwayne.
I would prefer to do away with the last line and start the blurb with something like: A New Spine Chilling Mystery.


message 4: by Jane (new)

Jane Jago | 888 comments Just get rid of the second paragraph. It mucks up what is otherwise a very good blurb


message 5: by Jan (new)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson (janhurst-nicholson) Nothing really wrong with yours, but try this one.

When Claire Jones finds herself in an unfamiliar country mansion with no idea how she got there, she just wants to find a way home. But the house has other ideas. Doors slam to cut off her escape. Other forces of nature seem to be keeping her hostage. With no way to communicate with the outside world will she ever find a way back to her loved ones?

I've got loads of links to websites with information on writing blurbs, but we're not allowed to post them.


message 6: by Pamela (new)

Pamela Harju (pamelaharju) | 81 comments Thanks all. Any thoughts on my tagline/hook?


message 7: by Jan (new)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson (janhurst-nicholson) I quite like the hook.


message 8: by Pamela (new)

Pamela Harju (pamelaharju) | 81 comments Jan wrote: "I quite like the hook."
Thanks Jan!


message 9: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4356 comments Mod
Jan wrote: "I've got loads of links to websites with information on writing blurbs, but we're not allowed to post them. "

Nope. One of the reasons is we're here to support one another. Sending someone elsewhere for help is kinda counter-productive.


message 10: by Jan (new)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson (janhurst-nicholson) Dwayne wrote: "Jan wrote: "I've got loads of links to websites with information on writing blurbs, but we're not allowed to post them. "

Nope. One of the reasons is we're here to support one another. Sending som..."


There is so much information on writing blurbs that it would be impossible to include it in one post. Allowing people to read expert advice would surely be helpful.


message 11: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (last edited Jul 15, 2018 11:54AM) (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4356 comments Mod
Jan wrote: "There is so much information on writing blurbs that it would be impossible to include it in one post. Allowing people to read expert advice would surely be helpful. "

We allow people to read "expert" advice, if they want to look it up on their own. We don't allow people to post links to it here.

I highly, highly doubt all the "advice" would be necessary in one post, anyway.

We trust our members to help one another and we trust that some of us are good at seeing what works in a blurb and what does not. We like to think we're a community that helps one another. When someone posts asking for help, it's counter-productive to say, "Just go look at this web site." That's not what this community is about.


message 12: by M.L. (new)

M.L. | 1126 comments I like the original version and agree about leaving out the last paragraph.


message 13: by Frances (new)

Frances Ohanenye | 4 comments Hello,

You have the elements in what you wrote already. You just need to shift words around and cut out the ones you do not need. I find that transitions and subordinating conjunctions hinder the fluidity in blurbs.

If the genre/story is fantasy/thriller/dystopia, etc., you need to heighten the danger.

Suggestion:

Claire has no memory of travelling to the house or of arriving at the house (on Mulberry Street--location). Out of curiosity, she walks in with uncertain steps as if propelled.

The (sinister) house and its surroundings are determined to keep her a prisoner. (She has lost track of how long she has been there.) Doors slam shut in her face. Forces of nature hold her against her will.

Claire must find a way to communicate with the outside world. She must get back to her loved ones (before they conclude that she is dead).

Will Claire ever escape?


message 14: by Jan (new)

Jan Hurst-Nicholson (janhurst-nicholson) A good tip from an agent is that the blurb is called the 100 golden words.


message 15: by Pamela (new)

Pamela Harju (pamelaharju) | 81 comments I believe my final one came to 92. :-)


message 16: by Frances (new)

Frances Ohanenye | 4 comments True, Jan.

I learned that in a creative writing course.

The blurb I suggested for Pamela crested at 99 words. She can delete or alter to suit. :-)

Thanks.


message 17: by M.L. (new)

M.L. | 1126 comments I think all the versions could work. I guess it might be: which reflects the tone of the story best.


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