GROUP ,advertiser discussion
JOKES (not cokes)
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do."Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
*ROFL*
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
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A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"
The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"
While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.
The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!
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An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'
ha ha now i get it
(i had 2 read it a few timez to figure it out)
(i had 2 read it a few timez to figure it out)
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i got it the first time. its pretty funny! lol
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susannah is at alicias house right now, sorry
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WORD !
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o heres one:
Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.
Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. `Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.`
Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol`s mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.
Carol`s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter..
LETTER 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday I want a red one.
Your friend,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn`t true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn`t true either. She tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 3
Dear God,
I know I haven`t been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol`s mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.
`Just be home in time for dinner,` her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket, and ran out of the church down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.
LETTER 4
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.$
Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.
Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. `Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.`
Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol`s mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.
Carol`s mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter..
LETTER 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my birthday I want a red one.
Your friend,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn`t true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn`t true either. She tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 3
Dear God,
I know I haven`t been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol`s mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.
`Just be home in time for dinner,` her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket, and ran out of the church down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.
LETTER 4
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.$
i got another one
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.
The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, `Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?`
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, `I think Mommy ate it!`
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.
One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.
The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.
The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, `Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?`
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, `I think Mommy ate it!`
lol!!
ok here is one
so their was a blond a red head and Burnett they ware standing on the top of a building a magic bird flys up and says"jump off and wish for what you want to land in" so the red head jumps off and say's "pillows" and she lands in pillows. the burnett jumps of and says "mattresses"and she lands on them the blonds says "oh i dot know.." and trips and yell's "oh c**p" and she lands in a load of poop
ok here is one
so their was a blond a red head and Burnett they ware standing on the top of a building a magic bird flys up and says"jump off and wish for what you want to land in" so the red head jumps off and say's "pillows" and she lands in pillows. the burnett jumps of and says "mattresses"and she lands on them the blonds says "oh i dot know.." and trips and yell's "oh c**p" and she lands in a load of poop
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LoL that is a Fun ride at disney Land
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No i live in Texas But i have been 5 times!
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It is okay but texas is the secound largeist state in the county it would be hard to find me
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omg. savannahs already left by now hasn't she?!?!?!
Maddie ♥s hello kitty wrote: "YEAH THATS TRUE ! your so pretty i saw your pic !"
Thanks!
Thanks!
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"daddy, whats the first letter of the alphabet?"
"GO GO GOOO!"
she walks to her mom, who is on the phone and asks,
"mommy, whats the second letter of the alphabet?"
"SHUT UP, IM ON THE PHONE!"
she walks to her big sister, who is listening to brittney spears, and asks,
"Sister, whats the third letter of the alphabet?"
"HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!"
and she walks over to her brother, who is watching batman, and asks,
"brother, whats the fourth letter of the alphabet?"
"BATMAAAAAN!"
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she goes to school the next day, and the teacher says,
"clarissa, will you please tell us the alphabet?"
"sure. GO GO GOOO!"
"go where?"
"SHUT UP, IM ON THE PHONE!"
"young lady, do you need a spanking?"
"HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!"
"who do you think you are, young lady?"
"BATMAAAAAN!".......................................