The Humour Club discussion

17 views
General > Sh*t Your Parents Said

Comments Showing 1-16 of 16 (16 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3512 comments Mod
I know we have a topic for stuff kids say, but seeing this - http://www.boredpanda.com/funny-poste... - made me realize we need one for things our parents have said to us, or things WE never thought we'd be caught dead saying to our kids.

Have you ever cursed them with "Someday you'll have kids like you!"? Threatened strange new forms of physical violence? Mentioned that time you had to walk fourteen miles to school, uphill both ways, in a snowstorm?


message 2: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3512 comments Mod
I remember once when I was a teenager and something awful happened (something SO AWFUL that I currently can't recall what it was...), my father said, "If that's the worst thing that ever happens to you, you'll be lucky."

I suppose he meant it to be comforting, but surprisingly, it wasn't.

Great...there are worse things to look forward to. Thanks, Dad.


message 3: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Similarly, my daughter used to be a perpetual worrier and I never worry. She once asked me why I didn't and I said I gave it up because whatever I worried about ended up being the wrong thing; that something worse always happened.

She thought about it and came back with: "that was the stupidest thing you ever told me. Now I'll never be able to stop worrying because I know there's always more to worry about!"


message 4: by Will (new)

Will Once (willonce) | 445 comments Not my parents, but my best friend's...

It was 1982 when men were New Romantics and women wore legwarmers and big perms. The A level results were in. My results were okay, but my mate's were ... not. I don't remember the exact details but I do recall that he was plumbing the far end of the alphabet.

His father was incandescent with anger, disappointment, shame. Which was a little bit rich as I doubt he had a single qualification to his name.

"It's not the end of the world," I said, trying to come to the defence of my friend.

"Of course it's the bloody end of the bloody world," said his Dad.

So there we have it. The apocalypse didn't happen in 2012 as the Mayans might have thought. The world actually ended in 1982 when a Nottinghamshire teenager failed his A levels.


message 5: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2420 comments Mod
ROFL! I can't remember much my parents said. . . I'm not sure if that's just an indicator of my age, or that they didn't say memorable things, or that I wasn't listening.

But I do remember my Dad telling me that I'd need to wait to get married until I could afford to pay for it myself. Sometime after my 30th birthday, I think he sort of wanted to retract that. . .


message 6: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments My mom was big on letting her kids figure things out for themselves. If she was really frustrated with us, she had a variety of go-to lines she'd use to "settle" the situation. For example, when she'd get tired of hearing my brothers and me arguing, she'd yell (usually from another room): "Fight nicely, now. Y'all better fight nicely."

I'm now a hair away from 50 and I still haven't a clue how to fight nicely. One of my brothers once told me he thought it meant not to leave permanent scars.


message 7: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2420 comments Mod
Lisa, my mom would just yell at my brothers "not in the house!" when they'd start to roughhouse/fight. I always figured she didn't want blood on the carpets.


message 8: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Aha! Rebecca! Maybe that's what "fight nicely" means! Don't do any damage to the house. Got it.


message 9: by Will (new)

Will Once (willonce) | 445 comments How about this handy "cut out and keep" guide?

Fighting not nicely (brothers) - gouging, stamping, hair-pulling, hitting below the belt, spitting, blunt or bladed weapons, guns, breaking stuff, leaving a scar, anything that involves a trip to the hospital, cussing over about a 7/10, punching and kicking like Bruce Lee.

Fighting nicely (brothers) - wrestling, soft weaponry (pillows, water, sports balls, nerf guns), cussing below a 5/10, punching and kicking like the WWE.

Fighting not nicely (husband and wife) - breaking the best china, dissing her Mom, dissing his football team, anything that the kids see or the neighbours hear, politics.

Fighting nicely (husband and wife) - fur lined handcuffs, whipped cream, the contents of the dressing up box, saying "It won't hurt really", "of course it will taste nice", video recordings that won't be put on the internet (promise), second best furniture gets broken.


message 10: by Melki (last edited Aug 05, 2014 03:27AM) (new)

Melki | 3512 comments Mod
I could have used Will's guide growing up. I was an only child and completely clueless as to the rules of fighting. One day, my cousins, one small male and his sibling, a larger female, got into a hair-pulling, rolling on the ground, biting fight. I stood by watching, horrified, not knowing if I should fetch an adult or let things play out.

Both parties survived, went on to reproduce and now seem to be the best of friends. Or at least they put on a pretty good front.


message 11: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Were you at all tempted to get a bag of popcorn and pull up a chair, Melki?


message 12: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Oh, Will! Can you explain the cussing above/below a ?/10 thing? Is that a Britishism?


message 13: by Will (new)

Will Once (willonce) | 445 comments More like a Willism...

When my son was tiny I invented a sliding scale for swearing. It was so he would know which words were okay for general use, which ones he could use with his parents but not his teachers, which ones he could use with me but not with the Mem, and so on.

The scale went from poo and wee at 1 or 2 (nudge, nudge) all the way through to the full Quentin Tarantino at number 10.

Every now and again he would come to me with a new word and ask if it was a swear word and, if so, where it came on the list. The list was officially retired when he admitted to me that he had heard the two words at number 10 from his school friends.

Now I need to ask him what words mean. YOLO?

It was one of many daft word games that we've played over the years. Another one was the Orc number system. How do Orcs count? One, two, lots, lots, lots...


message 14: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Love it! I told my kids they couldn't talk like Mom until they were as tall as she is. Little did I realize my son would reach my hight at age 11. And I'll pretend to know what an Orc is and let someone else ask. Anyone?


message 15: by Will (new)

Will Once (willonce) | 445 comments I like the height test! I had a similar experience. Our boy was taller than his Mum at age 12 and is level with me at 13. Is this the basketball generation?

An Orc (also sometimes spelt as Ork for copyright reasons) is one of the convenient bad guys in the Lord of the Rings. He's the mindless killing machine, the demonic foot soldier, the one under the most make-up, the cartoony villain with a dark skin that it's okay for white characters to slaughter because he doesn't have feelings. Or a back story. Or a heart.

I had a spell telling John bedtime stories about orcs who did uncharacteristically heroic things. It was a fun way to explore attitudes towards stereotypes.


message 16: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3512 comments Mod
Lisa wrote: "Were you at all tempted to get a bag of popcorn and pull up a chair, Melki?"

Oops! Just saw your post. I watched until the bitter conclusion which I believe happened when my female cousin punched her little brother hard enough to make him cry. He got her back years later, however, when they were joking around one day and he threw a half-eaten lollipop at her head thinking it would stick in her hair. Instead, it broke, and the razor sharp edge cut her scalp and she got blood all over her new shirt.

Ah, sweet, sweet, sugary revenge...


back to top