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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Back Cover Blurb

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message 1: by Rosie (new)

Rosie Boyes | 9 comments Constructive feedback required on the back cover blurb for my middle-grade fantasy. Thank you :)

'December 1918… At the end of the Great Winter War, twelve-year-old Kitty Wigeon returned home to St Flurries. Then one chilly night, she vanished without a trace.

One hundred years later… Kes and Star Bunting were sent to live with their grandmother, and when they arrived on a cold winters night, they found a house steeped in mystery and brimming with secrets.

Suddenly, the Snow Witch exploded into their lives in a shiver of kisses.

Wrap up warm as you join them, and a cast of eccentric snow creatures, in a race against time to find the answers to a hundred-year-old curse. Will they succeed? Or will the Snow Witch splinter into a million pieces on the last stroke of midnight?'

message 2: by Keith (new)

Keith Oxenrider (mitakeet) | 1172 comments It's interesting, but I don't feel it really tells much about the story. I guess that Kitty has something to do with the Snow Witch, else why mention her at the beginning, but it's pure speculation.

I got no idea what the stakes are and the only thing telling me about obstacles is midnight, but not why.

If St. Flurries is the same place where grandmother lives, tell us. If the house is the same, tell us. You don't spoil the ending, but you can 'spoil' the story up to 2/3 the way through as a way to hook the reader.

Oh, I have no sympathy for any of the characters. They all arrive and vanish in a sentence. There needs to be a lot more (without making it longer!) about your characters for anyone to care.

I think you have potential with the imagery, but that's all I see at this point. PM me if you'd like me to send you a link to a blog post where I try and help with blurbs and synopses.

Good luck!

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