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Fun & Games: Worst Muse/Others > Let's play The Worst Muse

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message 1: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
Simple rules:

1 - post outrageous/audacious/awful suggestions or pointers on writing like you're 1000% serious. Also use "_" so we know you're giving sage-like advice.

2 - Keep it short - like 2-3 sentences.

3 - feel free to lol or express your appreciation but don't get off-topic discussing the bad advice you read here. Start a new thread please :)


message 2: by Renee E (new)

Renee E | 395 comments Absolutely never waver from proper grammar, word usage and punctuation.

Each line of dialogue should be tagged with he/she said.


message 3: by Katheryn (new)

Katheryn Avila (katheryn_avila) Fragments are the enemy. ESPECIALLY in first-person POV.


message 4: by G.G. (new)

G.G. (ggatcheson) | 503 comments Never ever edit your work.


message 5: by Virginia (new)

Virginia Rand That weird, wacky plot idea you've just thought of involving penguins and toothpaste isn't because of the flu, it's because you're a genious! It needs to be at least 500 pages!


message 6: by Virginia (new)

Virginia | 122 comments Deus ex machina are the best way to wrap up any plot. Readers cannot identify with characters that save themselves.


message 7: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) Don't bother writing. Get an online group of strangers to write everything for you.


message 8: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
"Steampunk Sherlock Holmes BUT all the characters are gender-flipped and Watson is a falcon."


message 9: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
"Make all your characters bisexual. People are just going to write slash fan fiction anyway so you might as well make it canon."


message 10: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
"Write a series of books spaced out over several years so you can read fan fiction about it and use that to finish the series. That way you don't have to work so hard and the fans will feel involved. "


message 11: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) Don't stress yourself over coming up with an original idea. Just file off the serial numbers and call it your own.


message 12: by E.G. (new)

E.G. Manetti (thornraven) Don't bother with research. It stifles the imagination.


message 13: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) Use wikipedia as your only source for research, because you know wikipedia is never wrong.


message 14: by E.G. (new)

E.G. Manetti (thornraven) Don't be afraid of hyperbole. The more adjectives, the better.


message 15: by Eva (new)

Eva Vanrell (evavanrell) | 318 comments "If you are going to use the word 'but' to contrast what's already been said, make sure you start a new sentence every single time. Cardinal rule. No exceptions."


message 16: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) The same cardinal rule applies for "and."


message 17: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
"Make sure the weather always matches the protagonist's mood. Readers love symbolism like that."


message 18: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
"When describing the eyes of characters always use gemstone analogies. Who cares if nobody has irises the same shade as an emerald or sapphire? It's fiction and authors are entitled to an artistic license."


message 19: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
"Isn't 'unbidden' a great would? Make sure to use it twice a chapter. "


message 20: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) Courtney, I think you're pushing it. Everything you do is fine ;)


message 21: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
"Really test your readership's commitment to 'suspending disbelief' by throwing in random stuff - just to keep them on their toes."


message 22: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
Yeah I'm just going to take everyone's advice after this for my novel :p


message 23: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) Hehehehe...

Okay, back to the game.

"Maybe you should use a thesaurus instead of a dictionary."


message 24: by E.G. (new)

E.G. Manetti (thornraven) Courtney wrote: "Yeah I'm just going to take everyone's advice after this for my novel :p"

Actually, this is shaping up as a really good satire.


message 25: by E.G. (new)

E.G. Manetti (thornraven) Write yourself into a corner? No worries, throw in an extraneous character to solve the problem.


message 26: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) "Don't worry, no one ever expects your characters to have any real choices. It's only fiction."


message 27: by Rachel Annie (new)

Rachel Annie (snapdragoness) "Make sure to follow every piece of dialog with an adverb. How else would we know you wanted to convey the character said something breathlessly, enthusiastically, or even angrily?"

-Socrates

---Michael Scott

(Couldn't help the reference from The Office.)


message 28: by Rachel Annie (new)

Rachel Annie (snapdragoness) "If you're writing romance, the heroine must be a virgin.

Always.

I'm serious.

Like, she never even knew sex was a thing before she met the hero."


message 29: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) "Don't worry, horror doesn't have to involve anything actually scary."


message 30: by E.G. (last edited Jul 31, 2014 04:09PM) (new)

E.G. Manetti (thornraven) Rachel ~ SnapDragoness wrote: ""If you're writing romance, the heroine must be a virgin.

Always.

I'm serious.

Like, she never even knew sex was a thing before she met the hero.""


Painfully funny. As in "I laughed so hard I hurt myself."

Also, the hero must be a super-stud sexpert at twenty-five.


message 31: by Eva (new)

Eva Vanrell (evavanrell) | 318 comments Courtney wrote: ""Isn't 'unbidden' a great would? Make sure to use it twice a chapter. ""

Hahahaha! *dies* I just used that less than an hour ago!


message 32: by Eva (new)

Eva Vanrell (evavanrell) | 318 comments Courtney wrote: ""When describing the eyes of characters always use gemstone analogies. Who cares if nobody has irises the same shade as an emerald or sapphire? It's fiction and authors are entitled to an artistic..."

This one too!


message 33: by Rachel Annie (new)

Rachel Annie (snapdragoness) @EG

"Also remember to make your romance hero filthy rich. Women only like billionaires."

Don't want to make this a romance bash fest, though. Every genre has its tropes. : )


message 34: by Eva (new)

Eva Vanrell (evavanrell) | 318 comments "Don't use commas. Commas are for overachievers."


message 35: by Rachel Annie (new)

Rachel Annie (snapdragoness) "Not sure how to use a semicolon? Meh. Just wing it."


message 36: by E.G. (last edited Jul 31, 2014 04:15PM) (new)

E.G. Manetti (thornraven) Rachel ~ SnapDragoness wrote: "@EG

"Don't want to make this a romance bash fest, though. Every genre has its tropes. : )"


Don't be afraid to bend the laws of physics. Alternate universes have their own laws.

@Eva, my alternate universe is breeding 'sparkly wombats.'


message 37: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Marie Gabriel (lisamariegabriel) | 46 comments You will fascinate your readers if you use several homonyms in one sentence. For instance: Despite the beer he could not bear to bear the bare bear on a bier with his bare hands.


message 38: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) That's berry bad.


message 39: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Marie Gabriel (lisamariegabriel) | 46 comments Berry bad indeed :D


message 40: by Eva (new)

Eva Vanrell (evavanrell) | 318 comments E.G. wrote: "@Eva, my alternate universe is breeding 'sparkly wombats.' "

Yay for alternate universes! Bah-humbug laws of physics!


message 41: by Eva (last edited Jul 31, 2014 04:23PM) (new)

Eva Vanrell (evavanrell) | 318 comments @Lily "If you're writing about real places, make sure what you're writing is a travel book."


message 42: by E.G. (new)

E.G. Manetti (thornraven) Lisa wrote: "Berry bad indeed :D"

Breaking bad bear.


message 43: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) "Real settings only belong in non-fiction. Stop being so creative."


message 44: by E.G. (new)

E.G. Manetti (thornraven) It's not necessary to research the history of the places in the travel books - take the locals' word for it.


message 45: by Eva (new)

Eva Vanrell (evavanrell) | 318 comments Find your locals online, in random chatrooms or dubious corners of the Internet.


message 46: by Katheryn (new)

Katheryn Avila (katheryn_avila) If you have an Asian character he/she must be smart. African American female? Must be sassy! Follow all the racial stereotypes! Your characters don't need dimension...really.


message 47: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
lol Eva - commas are for overachievers...


message 48: by Courtney (new)

Courtney Wells | 1826 comments Mod
Deconstruct genres instead of writing in one. That way you don't actually need to do a good job yourself - just point out how other authors are hacks!


message 49: by Thomas (new)

Thomas Everson (authorthomaseverson) Never mind continuity. If you forgot to make plot points line up in your book it's okay to assume the reader will either figure things out or forget about it entirely.

Also, skip vast amounts of time with no explanation.


message 50: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Marie Gabriel (lisamariegabriel) | 46 comments No one is going to notice if your heroine changes her name, after all don't we all have a middle name or two?


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