Christian Speculative Fiction discussion

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Critique and Editing > Critique Needed: Book Description

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message 1: by M.H. (new)

M.H. Elrich (mhelrichbooks) | 77 comments My first book, Etania's Worth, is going to be published (hopefully) this summer! I have been struggling with book descriptions, so I was wondering if you would look at these three options and give me some feedback. Feel free to rewrite as well. Thanks.
1.Etania's new apprenticeship as a librarian is shattered when she is targeted by a Skazic, an evil being. When she fends off her attacker with powers, she learns she is a Vexli, gifted with Neuma that could turn the tide of the war against the Skazic. She doesn't want to be a weapon, but as the villain reveals himself and her loved ones are endangered, she must learn to embrace her new identity before everyone is killed.

2.Etania never thought she was important, especially since her father ignores her in favor of hunting down Skazic. However, her father's attention quickly turns to her when she fends off her attacker with a type of power that is useful in his war against the evil beings. Etania doesn't want to be her father's new weapon, but when the Skazic hurts someone she loves, she must become a weapon in order to stop them once and for all.

3. After fending off a Skazic who attacked her, Etania is told she is a Vexli, someone gifted with Neuma that could turn the tide in the war against the evil beings. She doesn't want to be a weapon and doesn't feel worthy of her new title. But when she loses someone she loves, she realizes she must become the Vexli Tamnarae needs before it's too late.


message 2: by Lara (new)

Lara Lee | 507 comments Mod
I hate writing book descriptions because it is so hard! I like 2 the best, but I think you need to state who she is (a librarian apprentice) and who her father is (a king? a warlord?). Who is the someone she loves? A family member? A crush? I will be interested in other people's feedback as well since I struggle with this too.


message 3: by M.H. (new)

M.H. Elrich (mhelrichbooks) | 77 comments Lara wrote: "I hate writing book descriptions because it is so hard! I like 2 the best, but I think you need to state who she is (a librarian apprentice) and who her father is (a king? a warlord?). Who is the s..."
I agree with your suggestions. Her father is akin to a powerful wizard who advises the royalty. Then someone she loves is her mother, although there is a romantic interest as well....so you can understand my pain too. I'm glad I'm not the only one!


message 4: by M.H. (last edited May 20, 2018 05:00PM) (new)

M.H. Elrich (mhelrichbooks) | 77 comments Here's another that my friend submitted, combining all three:
Etania's new apprenticeship as a librarian is shattered when she fends off an attacker with a gift she didn’t know she had— a Neuma, or power, to remove the abilities of evil beings. When her father discovers Etania’s gift, he wants to use her as a weapon to stop the new threat rising over Tamnarae. Etania doesn’t want to be her father’s new weapon and wonders if that really is the purpose of her Neuma. Yet the death of someone she loves brings the struggle closer to home, forcing Etania on a journey to embrace her newfound power…before it’s too late.


message 5: by Lara (new)

Lara Lee | 507 comments Mod
M.H. wrote: "Here's another that my friend submitted, combining all three:
Etania's new apprenticeship as a librarian is shattered when she fends off an attacker with a gift she didn’t know she had— a Neuma, or..."


I like this, but instead of "someone she loves" put "those she loves." All the writing books I have been reading say to be more specific. The word "someone" should be avoided if at all possible, because it is about as vague as it gets. Specifics here will arouse more curiosity in your story, which is the point. It sounds like an interesting book!


message 6: by Stoney (new)

Stoney deGeyter | 134 comments I agree with Lara. I like the combined version.


message 7: by M.H. (new)

M.H. Elrich (mhelrichbooks) | 77 comments Stoney wrote: "I agree with Lara. I like the combined version."

Thank you Stoney!


message 8: by C.S. (new)

C.S. Wachter | 351 comments I agree as well. But if only one person is killed you can't say those she loves (plural). You might just have to say her mother even if you didn't want to give that away. You'll need to think about that.


message 9: by M.H. (new)

M.H. Elrich (mhelrichbooks) | 77 comments C.S. wrote: "I agree as well. But if only one person is killed you can't say those she loves (plural). You might just have to say her mother even if you didn't want to give that away. You'll need to think about..."

Yeah, that's something I have been wondering as well. I don't know if it's much of a spoiler to say her mother dies, especially since it happens during the first 25% of the book, but I also don't want to give too much information. I will have to think about how to rephrase it if I chose to keep it secret, that's for sure!


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