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Blurb Workshop > Blurb help - Contemporary royal romance, Stalk Me Royal

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message 1: by Tara (new)

Tara Gill | 4 comments Stalk Me Royal
By
T S Gill

Is obsession wrong if the other person also feels it?

From the moment Helena laid eyes on the Iron Prince of Bellania, Prince DeMarco Vondra, she knew she wanted him. Anything Helena wants she gets. But she overhears something which almost breaks her. In a bid to forget, Helena chases fun and becomes reckless - the tabloid party girl of the year! So what? Its not as if anyone cares, right?

The boom fell on Marco when he met Helena. He knows she is it for him. But the path of true love is never smooth and all that, right? It doesn't help that her father keeps pushing Helena's elder sister onto him or that the little brat goes to extreme lengths to avoid him. He bides his time and lays out his plans. Soon there is going to be no way out for Helena except to run into his arms!

Want to read a 50 K WC sexy, sweet romance with two royals who are secretly obsessed with each other? Search no further!


I hate writing blurbs and truly suck at them. Any input, any suggestions for improvement are welcome! Thanks in advance:)


message 2: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4356 comments Mod
Line by line reactions:

Is obsession wrong if the other person also feels it? I don't know. So, what's your book about?

From the moment Helena laid eyes on the Iron Prince of Bellania, Prince DeMarco Vondra, she knew she wanted him. Yeah? Who is Helena?

Anything Helena wants she gets. Makes me think she's a spoiled brat.

But she overhears something which almost breaks her. Do we get to know what she overhears? Breaks her how?

In a bid to forget, Helena chases fun and becomes reckless - the tabloid party girl of the year! Fun. Reckless. Are we talking about drugs? Running naked through shopping malls? Riding zoo animals? Stealing cars?

So what? Right. I don't really know who Helena is, or what she's up to here.

Its not as if anyone cares, right? The tabloids do, it seems.

The boom fell on Marco when he met Helena. Was he attracted to her because of her reckless fun and just had to meet her?

He knows she is it for him. So, he wants her, she wants him...

But the path of true love is never smooth and all that, right? This's the second time you've asked "right?" Redundant.

It doesn't help that her father keeps pushing Helena's elder sister onto him or that the little brat goes to extreme lengths to avoid him. Um... how is the prince, Helena and this sister? Twelve? Can't they decide for themselves who is going to date whom?

He bides his time and lays out his plans. I imagine he has some kind of super villain cackle.

Soon there is going to be no way out for Helena except to run into his arms! So... the girl who wants him but is running from him is finally trapped. I guess the sister is out of the picture. The end. It seems you've told the whole book, here.

Want to read a 50 K WC sexy, sweet romance with two royals who are secretly obsessed with each other? Search no further! I hate stuff like this in the blurb. Give us a little more of the early points of the story, let us get to know the characters instead of a brief run down of the whole book. Don't tell us it's sweet and sexy (which I did not get from the blurb), show us. And I can't imagine most readers would care about the word count.


message 3: by Tara (last edited May 20, 2018 12:36PM) (new)

Tara Gill | 4 comments Wow, thats an honest critique, but thats the same feeling I get. Everytime I write a blurb it sums up the book, instead of hinting at stuff and I struggle with showing stuff and end up telling.

I think writing the entire book was easier!

Hmm, early stuff in the story? Tbh I'm struggling. Coming up blank. I can definitely work on introducing the characters. Showing the book is sweet and sexy through the voice/tone?! Gods, how do other authors do this stuff!

Going outside to pull all my hair out!!

Btw, thanks so much Dwayne for taking the time out to go through every line. In a blurb I guess every word matters.


message 4: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4356 comments Mod
Yes. Every word counts.

If this helps, for the blurb on my first novel, I would not let myself give away anything past chapter three. For my much longer second novel, I went as far as the first quarter of the book, and still only gave an overall view of what to expect.

For yours, focus on who Helena is.

Then

What it is she overheard that upset her and how it almost breaks her. Give an example of one crazy thing she does to get the tabloids to notice.

Or

Focus on why she and the prince are attracted, yet seem reluctant to just tell each other.

Go with whichever is closer to the main story of the novel.

It's tricky work. Your main task is to get someone to pick up the book and read the first page. Give them just enough to pique their curiosity.


message 5: by Tara (last edited May 21, 2018 10:14AM) (new)

Tara Gill | 4 comments Chapter 3/ or one quarter of the book - got it!

I think I can do the rest, thanks so much. Will post the revised blurb on here when I'm done with it. You've been of immense help!!


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