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Blurb Critiques > Book Blurb- Callous Fate (Hymns of the Fallen #1)

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message 1: by Anne (last edited Jul 29, 2014 07:08PM) (new)

Anne Tilney | 2 comments Hi everyone!

It would be greatly appreciated if I could get constructive criticism for my blurb. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

For Lucifer, human souls are like diamonds and he intends to collect them all. But he soon realizes with his target that the Devil is in the details.

Dr. John Smith is a prestigious psychiatrist who has heard it all over the years but his new client Nicholas "Nick" Scratch claims that he is the Devil. John Smith listens to his client with a mixture of amusement and derision because after all, the Devil is only the Christian version of the Boogie Man. However, Doctor Smith fascination turns into obsession as he experiences violent demonic attacks, wondering if his client is telling the truth. "Your time draws near. Precious moments slipping away... Tick Tock, Tick Tock." Haunted by these words and fearing for his soul, Doctor Smith races all over Boston in search of a solution to his problems.


After amounting countless of souls for centuries, Lucifer relishes in devising people's demises and Dr. Smith is no exception. While some people have a few skeletons in the closet, many have enough to fill an entire crypt. Before he can savor his sure victory, God had to intercede on Dr. Smith's behalf. Lucifer won't stop until Dr. Smith's soul is his plaything. While it is better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven, it's always delightful to claim another soul that brings him one step closer to bringing God down and wiping that smug grin off His face.


message 2: by Lily (new)

Lily Vagabond (lilyauthor) Way too much info :)

It's good for what it is, don't get my wrong. I just felt like I was reading a book, not a blurb.

I would advise to slim down a lot, keep it simple. What's the main conflict? God vs the devil? Dr. Smith vs his patient and everything else is revealed later?


message 3: by J.S. (new)

J.S. (jsedge) | 369 comments Yep, I'm definitely with Lily: Too much! I'm sure there's plenty twists and surprises in the book, but this kinda reads like the full story summarised. Identify the focus and strip all the rest away.


message 4: by J.S. (new)

J.S. (jsedge) | 369 comments Does sound like something I'd read though :)


message 5: by Wren (new)

Wren Figueiro | 216 comments Think it would be fine if you cut it off after the second paragraph. The third is too much.


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