Beta Reader Group discussion

42 views
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Feedback on sci fi blub

Comments Showing 1-6 of 6 (6 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Dorothyeross (new)

Dorothyeross | 39 comments Your comments and feedback would be appreciated!

Qara is happy with her life. She has her family, her work, and her drum circle. She has no desire to meet the aliens who abandoned her as a young child 15 years ago. But when the aliens return and her adoptive mother is killed, Qara realizes that she is the only one who can get justice for her family. She soon finds that accomplishing her mission will be more difficult than she can imagine.

Escaping from persecution, Amani settlers struggle to establish a foothold on a remote tropical planet. A mysterious young woman appears out of nowhere and saves them from one disaster – but another crisis threatens. Will her revelations destroy their dream to build a new society where they can live according to their deepest convictions?

Thanks for your help!

Dorothy


message 2: by Laura (new)

Laura (lfbookblog) | 3 comments But when the aliens return and disaster strikes close to home

(stops you going into the book know her mother is going to die. Like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Also allows the readers to get to know her before it happens. - If you know someone going to die, you try and stop yourself from getting attached to them)


message 3: by Dorothyeross (new)

Dorothyeross | 39 comments Hi Laura, thanks for your good idea! Dorothy


message 4: by Keith (new)

Keith Oxenrider (mitakeet) | 1167 comments The blurb starts slow. I suggest something more like "Qara didn't want her happy life disturbed by the aliens that abandoned her at 15."

"Accomplishing her mission will be more difficult than she can imagine" is very much a cliché, I suggest more powerful wording.

I don't get the connection between Qara and the Amani settlers. It reads like two completely different stories to me.

Good luck!


message 5: by Dorothyeross (new)

Dorothyeross | 39 comments Thanks, Keith! I'll have to think about how to show that the stories connect in the blurb.


message 6: by Lisa (new)

Lisa I think if you flip the beginning it will be a very good hook:

"Qara has no desire to meet the aliens who abandoned her as a young child 15 years ago. She's happy with her life. She has her family, her work, and her drum circle. When the aliens return.... "

"her family, her work" is a bit generic - can you get more specific so she has more depth as a character? You want us to be intrigued and _need_ to read the story, right? We need to care about Qara. Is her work one of the really life-defining things about her? (it could be)

"Qara realizes that she is the only one who can get justice for her family." - why is she the only one who can get justice?

"finds that accomplishing her mission will be more difficult than she can imagine"
- this definitely needs to be more specific! The point of a blurb/query is to explain what's at stake.

And I agree with Keith - no clear connection between the two storylines.

I like the voice/tone of the blurb, I think if you layer in some of the details to help us see what is unique/special about your searching-for-justice story, it will be more effective.

Hope that's helpful!!


back to top