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Blurb Workshop > Blurb for Fairytale retelling

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message 1: by Molly (new)

Molly Mulligan | 11 comments Hello!! I recently published my first book and am having trouble getting many (any?) sales or interest. Its a fairy tale retelling. I've copied and pasted my Amazon Description below. Any comments/critiques would be much appreciated!


Traveling to New Zealand to study abroad is the most adventurous thing twenty-year-old Wendy has done. But she gets more than she bargained for when a hike through the countryside mysteriously transports her to an island in Neverland, the vast sea on an archaic earth-like planet. While struggling to come to terms with the impossible, Wendy is taken hostage by Captain Hook and his crew on board the Jolly Roger. As the ship casts off and sails into the horizon, home has never felt so appealing—or seemed so far away.
Her fortunes change when she escapes and teams up with Peter, a roguish young sailor, to outrun Hook and find the means to go back to her loved ones left behind. But as Wendy and Peter's adventures unfold, their friendship turns into something more.
Faced with cursed treasure maps, sea-witches, and blood-thirsty pirates, Wendy could never have predicted what will become the greatest challenge of all. How will she bring herself to leave Peter behind?


message 2: by Samantha (new)

Samantha | 57 comments Sound's really good. maybe put something like "return to Neverland...."


message 3: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4356 comments Mod
Before I look at the blurb, I'll mention that I looked at your book. It's been out three days. Very rare to see sales on a debut book of an Indie author. 99% (or so) of us see a trickle, rather than an ocean, even after being out for several months / years. It may take time to see many sales, no matter how good your blurb, your cover, your book, etc. are.

That said...

I think your blurb may work for your target audience. My biggest gripe (and it's not so big, really) is you mention twice that Wendy wants to get home. As that's generally part of the staple of stories like this, there's no need to remind us.


message 4: by Andres (new)

Andres Rodriguez (aroddamonster) | 30 comments Hi Molly,

Remember that a lot of the younger audience, ( I assume is what your book is titled for) has a smaller attention span. They want to know what it's about now! So shortening your blurb to something like this, might help...

While on a hike through the countryside, Wendy’s mysteriously transported to an island in Neverland. While struggling to come to terms with the impossible, she’s taken hostage by Captain Hook! Trying to find a way back to her loved ones, her fortune changes when she meets Peter, a roguish young sailor. Together they outrun Captain Hook and embark on a journey faced with cursed treasure maps, sea-witches, and bloodthirsty pirates! Wendy could never have imagined a journey this fantastic. However, still longing for her family, how will she every bring herself to leave this newfound life and love for Peter behind?

I hope this helps!


message 5: by Molly (new)

Molly Mulligan | 11 comments Andres wrote: "Hi Molly,

Remember that a lot of the younger audience, ( I assume is what your book is titled for) has a smaller attention span. They want to know what it's about now! So shortening your blurb to ..."


Yes, I was hoping to shorten it and sometimes it just takes a fresh set of eyes to see what can be cut. Thank you very much!


message 6: by Molly (new)

Molly Mulligan | 11 comments Dwayne wrote: "Before I look at the blurb, I'll mention that I looked at your book. It's been out three days. Very rare to see sales on a debut book of an Indie author. 99% (or so) of us see a trickle, rather tha..."

Thank you Dwayne, that is encouraging as this is my first attempt at publishing (or writing!) a book and really have no idea where to realistically set my expectations. And thanks for the helpful critique!


message 7: by Lizel (last edited May 11, 2018 01:21AM) (new)

Lizel Harvey | 9 comments Check that you have the correct Keywords. That also helps. Network on FB or Twitter/ Instagram or some social platform. There are many of us trying to be 'found' or 'heard.' It is all about meeting people and getting reviews. It is not always the blurb but the reader you are targeting. What makes your story different from the original Peter Pan? Is there something that sets it apart that will WOW the reader? Is your cover something that will attract a reader? The cover is a visual hook. These are all things that need to be taken into consideration. As an author with only one published book, and in my personal experience - it is best to sell on one medium eg. Amazon, which has KU. Give it a while, I checked my sales hourly when I first published, now I check once in a while. Get cracking with book 2, that sells book 1 or at least helps it along. If you can make it a 'follow-on' stand-alone story....just a few things to think about. Good luck


message 8: by Molly (new)

Molly Mulligan | 11 comments Lizel wrote: "Check that you have the correct Keywords. That also helps. Network on FB or Twitter/ Instagram or some social platform. There are many of us trying to be 'found' or 'heard.' It is all about meeting..."

Thank you so much for the incredible advice, Lizel. Those are a lot of great points to consider. So far I'm just on Amazon, and decided to start with KDP select so that's where I'll be for the next three months at least.


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