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Silvermaple Counseling > Mairead's Office #1

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the_rabid_snail | 166 comments Mod
Mairead's office.

Anna N.~God, Keep My Head Above Water (illyria18) | 84 comments Sitting in this room. Looking at the walls around her. Sovay felt trapped. It didn't help that forcing her to come here had felt like a trap in the first place. Alone. Even Jamaira had thought it a good idea for her. All it really did was make Sovay feel sick to her stomach. Especially now that she was here. She didn't need help. She just needed people to ignore her. It was better that way. In her mind that's what she tried to tell herself. Talking with others wasn't her strong suite. It was only slightly easier if she had known them her own life but even then that came with hardships as well since those were the people that knew her all too well and all that she had gone through. Why couldn't she just disappear? Finally her gaze decided to go right down to her lap as if she might concentrate on doing just that.

the_rabid_snail | 166 comments Mod
Mairead entered her office, shutting the door gently behind her. She noted the shy, young girl looking down at her lap and smiled softly to herself as she took her own seat across from her newest patient. She let the both of them just sit in the quiet for merely a moment as she tried not to make the girl more uncomfortable by staring at her. "I'm Mairead, but some people like to call me Mary." She said in a quiet, lilting voice. "Have you ever been to a therapist before?" Since the girl seemed very quiet and uncomfortable here, she thought it might be best if she led the conversation for today to take some of the pressure off Sovay.

Anna N.~God, Keep My Head Above Water (illyria18) | 84 comments Here now was what Sovay had been dreading. Sure it was just her and one other person in the room but that didn't make things any easier. Still Sovay would give credit where it was do. The woman seemed to be taking her time and going slow with things. Sovay couldn't say it aloud but she did appreciate it. Being brought up proper she knew that she had to speak when spoken to. Even if she wasn't the best at doing so.
"No." Sovay manages to answer. It wasn't exactly a whisper but it wasn't a whole lot louder either. Her gaze staying averted.

the_rabid_snail | 166 comments Mod
Mairead noticed that Sovay made an effort not to look at her, but that didn't particularly bother her. She remembered being this way herself at one time. "Well, I would say not to be nervous if I thought it would instantly make you feel more comfortable, but I know from personal experience that it doesn't usually make everything better right away." Even though Sovay wasn't looking at her, she couldn't help but offer a sympathetic smile in the girl's direction. She paused a moment to let Sovay take everything in before continuing. One of the last things she wanted to do was overwhelm the girl. "Therapy can be a lot of different things. Sometimes it's talking things out or venting, sometimes it's just listening, and sometimes it's finding solutions or problem-solving. It all depends on what you're looking for."

Anna N.~God, Keep My Head Above Water (illyria18) | 84 comments Breathe. Think. Focus. Don't burrow into yourself. This woman only wanted to help. The real problem was Sovay wasn't sure how to let her. She was broken but as long as it wasn't hurting anyone else what did it matter? Sovay fiddled with her skirts a bit as she thought about what Mairead said. "What if the person doesn't know what they're looking for?" Sovay asks. "What if they're better off not looking?" It certainly seemed like the better option not to for Sovay. Worse though was the knowledge that she had been given two therapists to see. With the intention of getting 'better' as soon as she could.

the_rabid_snail | 166 comments Mod
Mairead nodded attentively at Sovay's questions, glad that the young girl was asking questions and saying more than one word at a time. She thought briefly before answering Sovay's questions, deciding to tackle them one at a time. "A lot of people struggle with knowing what they're looking for, but part of my job is to help point you in the right direction." She sipped from her water bottle between answering Sovay's two questions to keep her throat from getting too dry. "'What if' is difficult. If you decide to look, you'll never know how things would really be if you hadn't. But if you decide not to look, you won't know how things would have turned out if you had decided to look either. Say that you do decide to look, and things don't turn out well. It's also equally possible that thing's will turn out just as bad if you don't look. The knowledge doesn't carry over from the previous decision. Unfortunately we can't live two lives, so as scary as it sounds, we have to take a chance no matter which one we choose. Not looking can be just as dangerous as looking."

Anna N.~God, Keep My Head Above Water (illyria18) | 84 comments "What if-?" Sovay started but then stopped herself. Realizing how crazy her question would have sounded. Besides she knew what Jamaia's answer would of been to it. Her sister was always honest with her. It was something she couldn't expect with this woman. Mairead was only here to tell her what she supposedly needed to hear. Which if Sovay went by her father's logic it meant she should be quiet and just listen to what the good doctor told her to do and do it. "You're right." Sovay instead says simply. Even if she herself felt unsure if the woman was right. Wasn't it better not to look death in the face?

the_rabid_snail | 166 comments Mod
"What were you going to ask?" Mairead inquired. "You don't have to agree with everything I say if you don't really believe it." She added, noting how Sovay seemed to be drawing back into herself again. She thought of saying more but decided not to for now. At the moment, she wanted Sovay to know that it mattered to her what she thought.

Anna N.~God, Keep My Head Above Water (illyria18) | 84 comments "My father always said if you don't have anything smart to say or ask better to leave the truth of your true stupidity unanswered and say nothing." It was certainly what Sovay had grown to live by since she was very young and why she did her best not to say much around her father. Lest he think her any more dim witted than he already did. Most just thought her slow. Her cousins certainly did. "e also said that I should agree with whatever the doctors have to say. It's the only way for me to get better." Sure that like everyone else this woman would agree that her father was right in all things. Even if the things he said and did always seemed wrong. It was always for her better that they were said and done so who was she to question him? Daughters listened to their fathers.

message 11: by the_rabid_snail (new)

the_rabid_snail | 166 comments Mod
Mairead thought about that for a moment. "I think there is a time and place for that, certainly. Sometimes it is better to remain silent." She took another sip from her reusable water bottle before continuing her train of thought aloud. "But just agreeing with everything I say isn't a very good way to get better. To really be able to help you like your father wishes, I have to know what you think too. That way I know how to help you."

message 12: by Anna N.~God, Keep My Head Above Water (last edited Aug 11, 2019 12:16AM) (new)

Anna N.~God, Keep My Head Above Water (illyria18) | 84 comments Sovay didn't want to be here. Didn't think she needed to be, but she felt that saying so was wrong. It went against what her father said so in that regard it must be. Since she was stuck here maybe it wouldn't hurt to sound crazy. Perhaps then the doctor could instruct her on how to act normal after understanding just how not normal she was. Sovay managed to release her skirts some and with it a breath as well. "Often times when I dream I feel like I'm living another life. Seeing another life. Sometimes I prefer their life over mine." Immediately Sovay shook her head. "It's wrong to say. Wrong and crazy. I'm sorry." Sovay quickly says with instant regret. Why couldn't she have just listened to her father's wise advise? Stupid! She truly was stupid and insane to boot!

message 13: by the_rabid_snail (new)

the_rabid_snail | 166 comments Mod
Mairead frowned in thought for a moment. "Do you think its crazy and wrong that you feel like you're seeing another life when you dream, or is it because you prefer another life over your own?" She asked. Truly, she didn't think either was crazy or wrong. It was only human nature to prefer someone else's life over your own, and she especially knew how that felt. Back when she was a teenager on her parents' farm, she'd wished for any life except her own so that she could be a city girl. The part about Sovay feeling like she was seeing someone else's life when she dreamed, intrigued her. Some people did have especially vivid dreams, and people who suffered from a psychosis could have difficulty separating dreams from reality. But the girl didn't quite seem to be describing the symptoms of a psychosis so far. People suffering from psychosis typically wouldn't be able to separate dreams from their own experiences or lives. This appeared to be something else...

Anna N.~God, Keep My Head Above Water (illyria18) | 84 comments The woman didn't make it seem like what Sovay had said had been insane. That in itself made Sovay feel only slightly better about saying anything at all. She had felt so close to just shutting down after what she'd said but Mairead's words had a bit of a calming effect that Sovay needed. At least to feel like someone wasn't really judging her and instead just allowing her to think. Of course it could always be a trap as well, but since her father was paying them good money to make it so that she was sane enough to be in front of the Lockwood's she was willing to hope that maybe there was some help here for her. Not that she knew what help she really needed. Maybe if this woman could just stop her from dreaming altogether. That would at least make Sovay feel a bit better. Sure she'd still be horrible with being around people, but at least then she wouldn't have to fear every part of her life. Being scared not only of the day but what night might hold as well made one not really want to exist at all. The weight of such a thought pressing down on her hard. "I know it's wrong." Sovay finally replies. "I'm not suppose to be there and yet I am. I can't help it though. Seeing things, hearing things that I shouldn't." Sovay shaking her head just thinking on it. She wasn't the only one who had dreams that lingered in the past. That is back when her dreams were her own. Those only hurt the heart. These though... They were truly dangerous. "I've tried to hurt myself to wake myself from them but it doesn't work that way. I've stopped trying. It only leads to being covered in blood in bed once I am released." Maybe if Sovay was lucky they would say she was too psychotic to leave. Not that she believed her father would allow such a thing. He'd drag her out by her hair if he had to and still force her to the Lockwoods. "I just don't want to dream anymore at all." Sovay confesses. Forcing herself to look up at Mairead.

message 15: by the_rabid_snail (new)

the_rabid_snail | 166 comments Mod
Everything Sovay divulged to her was a lot to take in, but Mairead was perfectly alright with that as long as her new patient was talking more. She wondered what kinds of things Sovay was seeing and hearing that she shouldn't, but at the moment she made the decision not to press the girl too hard. It seemed like they were very upsetting experiences for her, and she didn't want to risk triggering a bad memory or a shutdown on Sovay's end of things. She would ask eventually, just not yet. "I can't say that I know an abundance of people who can control their dreams. Most people can't, and the ones who can or at least claim they can, are... not normal." She wasn't quite sure how to put the last bit without sounding terribly negative, and above all else, she never used the word crazy to refer to any person who was mentally ill or troubled. "However, I can offer you a hopeful piece of information. While it is hard to pinpoint things on a first session, I don't think you have a psychosis. In fact, I feel I can confidently rule that off the list of possibilities. Most people suffering from a psychosis that have issues with dreams can't tell what happens in their mind while they sleep apart from reality. Usually they think anything that happens in their dreams actually happened to them or something along those lines, and they have no recollection of ever dreaming it. It becomes cemented in their conscious or subconscious mind as an actual memory or an experience they lived through." She offered Sovay an understanding smile when the girl met her gaze. "Dreams and sleep are often safe havens for people when their lives are difficult or times are challenging, but it hurts when the only possible respite one might have in the form of sleep is taken anyway."

Anna N.~God, Keep My Head Above Water (illyria18) | 84 comments Her words weren't exactly a comfort. The Dr. didn't think she had a psychosis. No. She was just not normal. To be fair to the Dr. though it wasn't as if Sovay didn't already know that about herself. There was reasons she was looked down on by her family and treated like a freak. Grateful that she had the few friends that she did in her family's staff. Honestly Sovay was just happy that Mairead seemed to believe her. Or at least consider the possibility and not outright ridicule her for saying such outlandish things. It was something at least and it made Sovay feel a little less sick to her stomach. "Are there ways to perhaps not dream?" Sovay asks her a bit meekly. Not sure if it was the right answer to her problem but it certainly seemed like the easiest one if it was a possibility.

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