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Blurb Workshop > Blurb Help - Erotica - Seeing All of Amy

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message 1: by Mason (last edited Apr 25, 2018 09:58AM) (new)

Mason Hawk | 28 comments Have tried a couple blurbs to see if there's any buyer reaction. This is the one I'm hoping to leave on there for good while I focus on and release new stuff. Any thoughts before I set it in stone and forget it???

"- A Tale of Erotica -
The flirtatious Amy was a girl lost in a life after her father's death. She was looking for something that she couldn't put her finger on while stumbling through the things she could. Unlikely events lead to her sexy total exposure at a frat party and that helps her to a better understanding of herself and the things that make her feel alive again. As life often does, she finds this realization after her world is turned upside down when the videos go viral. Sometimes it's not changing the person you are, it's eventually finding people who accept the kinky way you are. This is a story about a difficult girl with a hot temper born from a suffocating past whose fits of rage clash with her submissive side, eventually leading to her own risque type of personal development. Once you find yourself it's easier to find others. This is a twisted turning path that leads two people to discover who they want to be and who they want to be with."


message 2: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4356 comments Mod
Deleted your other comment as this is for discussing blurbs. We have had discussions on trigger warnings in the past. You can do a search for them. If you can't find what you're looking for, you may start your own thread in the Writers Workshop.

Otherwise - I don't read a lot of erotica, but this blurb does not say "erotica" to me. It sounds more like a teen romance or general fiction. Telling us now that she "finds the understanding she's looking for" completes the story. Don't tell us the end of her journey now.

"Whose" short temper...

Not a fan of the last line. Seems desperate.

Overall, the story sounds interesting - I'm just not getting an erotic vibe from it.


message 3: by Mason (last edited Apr 25, 2018 09:14AM) (new)

Mason Hawk | 28 comments Thanks, Changed to "whose" and deleted last line. Also changed the 'completes the story' line.

I'll check out a few other erotic blurbs, because with that many triggers it needs to let them know it's not hand holding here...


message 4: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4356 comments Mod
Not to get off topic - and this is my opinion only - your list was pretty slim compared to the list I could come up with for my work in progress. I won't bother. I hate trigger warnings.

Okay, I got off topic.

But, yeah, feel free to start a discussion in the Writers Workshop if you want. I know we have had some other erotica authors here in the past. Not sure if any are still around...


message 5: by Mason (new)

Mason Hawk | 28 comments Note - Edited blurb to sex it up more.


message 6: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4356 comments Mod
Better! Now it has some steam.


message 7: by Jay (new)

Jay Greenstein (jaygreenstein) | 249 comments "The flirtatious Amy was a girl lost in a life after her father's death."

To someone who knows who Amy is, her history, her age, where she is in time and space, and what intent you have for the meaning of the term “flirtatious” this makes perfect sense. To someone who doesn’t… And what does “lost in a life” mean? There’s a lot of story that never made it to the page, but should have, in this one line.

"She was looking for something that she couldn't put her finger on while stumbling through the things she could."

This is like saying, “Mashed potatoes have no bones.” It’s true, but so what? It tells the reader nothing useful than that: she was looking for some thing, or other, while doing other things.

Never lose sight of the fact that the reader has nothing but what your words suggest to them, based on their background and experience. So your blurb must depend on either the context you provide, or by triggering what you know the reader already has.

Mention, for example, the happy screams of children in the playground and the reader is with you. Say, “helps her to a better understanding of herself and the things that make her feel alive again.” and the reader has no touch-points to what you mean by “a better understanding of herself,” unless they know her as they read the words.


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