Amazon exiles discussion
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Carry On up the Amazon
... garderobe"? Yes, said Francis. It's the coming-of-age story about a young boy growing up in the jungle, learning how to quickly use the loo without soiling his loin-cloth and not get eaten by a wild animal.Ah, said Sir David. The classics!
Suddenly, a great burly man came crashing through the foliage, startling the Travellers. Hello! he bellowed. I am Noer Zark, and I have come to save you!
We don't need no saving, snorted Beryl. We've got nearly unexpired food, lots of twofer coupons, and plenty of water.
Ha Ha Ha! laughed Noer, as his whole body shook and the earth trembled under his laughter. Did ya not notice all the rain?! Lucky for you, I have a great Ark parked just upriver, and if you all file in two by two (no shoving, pushing or cutting line) I shall take you all to dry ground.
Gonnadrowngonnadrown! squawked Macky and Gusto.
As the river rose up to their knees, Diana said, Maybe we ought to...
...go commando.""EH, HOW'S THAT?" asked Baz. "ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE NEED TO KEEP OUR UNDERCRACKERS DRY?"
"No," Diana replied. "Keep your mind out of the sewer, won't you - or at least the swollen river."
"Same thing," Francis whispered to Rocky, knowing what he had been doing ever since the water level had risen round his nether regions.
"What I am suggesting," Diana added, "is that we climb some tree creepers and swing to the ark, which will keep us above river level."
"Warraburk, warraburk!" Macky squawked with Gusto with gusto.
"Did you drop anchor?" Desmond asked Noer.
"OF COURSE!" he boomed, and snakes, spiders and various insects fell from the nearby branches - two by two, naturally.
"Well, with the rate at which the river's rising," Des added, "I hope you've got a long...
... ding dong. What was that? asked Des.
Noer said, Tis the last warning bell to get on the Ark afore the river rises. Now, who's coming with?
Des said, I'm in!
Baz said, I CAN'T SWIM!
Rocky said, I think I'll just paddle behind you for a while.
Sir David said, This will go down in the annals of anal history! Where is my camera? I must film this and...
Francis said, I've always wanted to go on a cruise.
Where'stheboozewhere'sthebooze? squawked Macky and Gusto.
As the water swirled around her waist, Diana said, Okay everybody, into the Ark!
Beryl shouted, Noooo! Don't you realize that...
... he's Flo's long lost paramour! They're all in league! Once aboard the Ark we'll be trapped with the three of them! Please...
... take a number and do not slumber. Get in queue, two by two, said Flo, ignoring Beryl's pleas and shoving off from the crumbling riverbank.Uh oh, whispered Des. I think she talks in rhymes.
I HATE MIMES! said Baz.
Flo said, Never fear, the end is not near, we shall take you to a safe haven. My man and I, are not shy, we'll protect you from a cave-in.
Good Lord, said Diana. She thinks she's a... a... a poet!
You know it! said Noer.
Go stow it! said Francis.
I think we should row for it! said Rocky.
As the Travellers jumped back into the river and swam for the shore, Beryl said, I told you so, don't you know.
Diana wrung herself out and said, Why don't you go...
(I can't believe the lag on this website. From where I am, hours went by with this post following Isabella's. The post by miscellaneous must have appeared above mine after I logged off, despite the fact that they were only posted a few minutes apart! At some point I'll try to edit mine to fit in with the one above. )__________________________________________________
... listen. If we chain all the skips together we can make our own boat and I'm sure there will be room for some of these animals that are queuing up.
In the end the decision was made for them.
Right! boomed Noer. The bell has rung and you've lost your chance. All you animals follow me but ONLY the ones that are in pairs. I'm not having any singletons on MY boat.
Francis and Rocky looked at one another.
Looks like we have no choice, they agreed.
Noer strode off into the forest, closely followed by animals of all kinds, walking/slithering/flying behind him in pairs.
There were just a few disappointed singletons left behind: a white horse with a pointy horn on its head, a rather forlorn-looking loin, a very blocky-shaped animal with incredibly short legs, apparently called a garderobe and a woman dressed all in black who was holding a broomstick and wearing a tall pointy hat.
The humans got to work chaining the skips together. They had soon divided them up into specialised units. There was the food bin, the sleeping quarters and so on.
Francis looked apprehensively at the loin, an odd-looking creature, not being quite able to decide whether it was a carnivore or not. However the white horse with a horn seemed quite pally with it so he decided it was probably okay.
Soon all the humans and single animals were comfortably ensconced in the makeshift ship.
Well, said Beryl. I'm glad ...
...we didn't decide to reserve a separate skip for animals only. After all, surely that would have been a form of 'Apart-hide'?"Baz caught a whiff of Francis's by-product and said, "HMM, I'M NOT SO SURE, MYSELF."
Meanwhile, Diana was feeling constrained within the communal skip, and the rocking motion as the river had now risen sufficiently to set the line of skips adrift was making her queasy.
"Which number skip is the one for, er, ablutions?" she asked. "And, is there a rota to clean it out?"
"It just HAS to be the 'Number Two',' Desmond suggested.
"Fine by me," Beryl replied. "Just don't mis-count as you jump from one to the other, because No 3 is being used for...
... can swim, said Crocky. Don't worry people. I know this river like the back of my, er, paws. I'll just grab hold of the loose chain on the front skip and we'll see if we can't guide you through these rapids in a trice!What's a trice? queried Rocky. Is it another word for skip?
There's no time to explain, replied Crocky, diving into the foaming waters and grabbing the chain with his teeth.
HOLD ON EVERYBODY! yelled Barry as the rapids approached.
Then with a whoosh ...
... they were into the rapids. The skips started to move faster and faster.Whee! shouted Rocky Raccoon who seemed oblivious to the the danger.
Sir David appeared quite unconcerned as he shot footage of the river, the forest, the skips and the travellers - all with a steady hand.
Francis however was near to panic. He found it difficult to grip the bottom of the skip with his hooves and started to slide around, frantically scrabbling for purchase.
Over here! cried Una the unicorn.
Francis saw that Una was in the food skip safely cushioned by its contents. Desperately he leapt and landed next to Una who carefully averted her horn.
Sod this for a game of soldiers! he exclaimed.
Una gave him a dirty look.
Watch your language; I only associate with creatures who are clean in body and soul, she declared. After all I am a unicorn not a mere horse.
Blimey O'Reilly, muttered Francis. This is going to be no fun.
In the skip next to them was the terrified garderobe.
I'm going to topple over! he cried, and once I do that I can never get up again - oh woe is me!
Don't you mean 'Woe am I'? said the loin, in a grumpy tone. Surely that's more grammatical.
I couldn't care less about grammar, wailed the garderobe. Just keep me propped up.
I'm a bit worried, confided Diana to Des. Crocky is doing a sterling job guiding the front skips between the rocks but the last ones are swinging around wildly. Do you think you could put in a bit of a prayer?
Desmond obliged and began to pray.
While he's doing that, I might be able to help. said the witch.
Grasping her broomstick firmly, she climbed back over the skips until she reached the last one and leaned over the end. Then, dipping her broom into the water she began to steer.
That's amazing! gasped Diana. It's almost like magic!
The witch merely grunted and ...
(TwoddleBungler, You're not alone. Many of us in this and in other groups are having trouble posting on GR lately. It either disappears or we get doubles. I think maybe The Great Bezos got overwhelmed with the influx of Amazonian Refugees!)
persisted with her sterling steering. After several anxious minutes, they began to hope that they were safely through the rapids."Well', said Des in a self-satisfied voice, 'that went quite smoothly. The power of prayer, hmmm?'
'What do you mean? asked the witch indignantly. 'That was a lot more to do with old fashioned female ingenuity.
Both had spoken too soon. Just as the last skip was clearing the white water...
(hope this is in sequence, then, folks.)
... there was a great splash as one of the skips overturned.Help! cried Una the Unicorn. My beautiful rainbow-colored mane is getting wet!
Help! cried Forlorn the loin-hearted, keeper of the garderobe. My legs are too short and I can't swim!
Help! cried the Evil Queen of Watches. I lost my broomstick and I don't know what time it is!
Des turned to Diana and said, Should we help them?
Beryl said, Hell no! They should have gone with Noer and his god-awful poetress when they had the chance!
Francis said, We really should help them. They are the last of their species and must be saved.
Baz said, WATCH OUT FOR THE WAVES!
Sir David said, One time, I filmed an award-winning documentary about extict magical creatures and I...
Diana said, Get out the Mae Wests, everybody. We must...
(That's just crazy. 8 hours before me and it didn't appear until an hour after I posted. This site makes a mockery of our dramatic efforts!)
... and my name isn't Hildegard! I am the Evil Queen of Watches and my friends call me Queenie.Des said, Yo Queenie. Your skip is sinking.
Well, said Queenie, you do have a point. I'd paddle, but I lost my broomstick in the rapids. I shall use my magic to bail us out...
Bippety boppety boo
May all our wishes come true
What were we thinking?
We must have been drinking
We need a new canoe!
Suddenly, nothing happened, and the skip continued to sink.
Beryl did the I Told You So dance... Told ya so, told ya so, told ya told ya told ya so!
\O/! /O\!\O/!/O\!
Des said, I really hate that woman.
Diana said, Which one? I think we should just...
(Twoddle. Just a suggestion. When you hit post and it doesn't come up right away and the little wheel spins around the bottom, it probably won't work. Just hit post again, wait a minute, and it should show up as a double post. Then, just delete the second post and your original post should show up.)
... stop arguing about silly stuff and START BAILING! Everyone was so shocked to hear Diana sounding as loud as Baz that they stopped and stared, before grabbing...
...a megaphone that Beryl always carried with her in case she were to get lost in the jungle."DON'T SHOUT!" Desmond whispered through the mouthpiece. "YOU'RE LIKELY TO WAKE THE BATS THAT ROOST IN THE UPPER TREE CANOPY, AND YOU DON'T WANT TO WAKE THOSE BECAUSE THEY'RE...
...FRUIT BATS AND THE EFFECT OF THEIR DIET ON THEIR DIGESTION IS TO PRODUCE JAM. WE'LL BE SO STICKY, WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO ESCAPE FROM...
... the stickiness!Hey! said Beryl. What happened to my megaphone?
Francis shuffled 4 double d batteries behind his hooves and said, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Des said, I have an idea! Why don't we gather the bat-droppings and use them to seal the cracks in our skips?
Great idea! said Diana, as she handed Des a bucket. Go get some!
Des blanched and said, er... then he handed the bucket to Rocky and said, Go get some!
Rocky handed the bucket to Crocky, who handed it to Sir David, who handed it to Baz after he took a picture of it and said, Go get some, man!
Baz grinned and said, I LOVE JAM! Then he took the bucket and tiptoed under the canopy, but...
...I can conduct a requiem service over the body...or, we can let nature take its course, leave the corpse to be recycled by the fauna of the jungle - and let's get the hell out of...
..."Helsinki?" asked Rocky, concerned about Desmond's pause. "That would leave 'Sinki' remaining, which is what happened to Baz. Oh, and never mind Desmond's pause, what about my paws, they're covered in...
... and save our Baz. Who's got a good throwing arm? We'll need to make a human..." Des coughed loudly and tried to point discreetly at Rocky. " err, living chain, I mean," amended Diana hastily. "We should tie one end to something solid to keep it secure," suggested Rocky.
"Here, hold on mate, the rope's not that long - I'm not that old and fat yet, y' know, even if it is a year or two since my glory days."
"More like a decade or three," muttered Sir David under his breath, secure in the knowledge that he was still as much in demand as ever.
"Here, I don't have to hand over this rope, not if I'm just getting a load of grief." - Dundee had VERY acute hearing, it helped a lot when out crocodile hunting.
"There's no time for this!" urged Rocky, "Baz'll be sunk if we don't hurry."
Swiftly they made their way towards Baz's sticky situation, only to find...
... nozzle.Your nozzle?
Yes, my Cillit Bang nozzle. I managed to hold on to the bottle but somehow the nozzle came off and disappeared into the jam. I really don't see how I can clean properly without a nozzle.
Hmm ....
... said Diana. We really need to quickly clean the fruity goo off of Barry before he hardens. Whoever has a really big nozzle, raise your hand. All of the men raise their hands.
Here ya go, luv, said Dundee, as he handed Diana the bottle of Cillit Bang.
Diana said, Wowza! ...er... I mean... good job, Dundee! Okay everybody, here's what we do. Des, start spraying Barry to loosen up the goo. Crocky, go get some sponges to wash him down. Rocky, go get some palm fronds to dry him off. Francis, start patching the boats. Beryl, get away from Dundee!
dundee's hot dundee's hot! squawked Macky the parrot.
Finally, Barry was back to his old self. Diana said, Whew! It's a good thing we weren't too late!
I FEEL GREAT! said Barry.
As the Travelers waited for their skips to dry, Sir David pointed to the sky and said, What the...
,,,naturalist saw!!! That's a lesser great striped bird of paradise! Where's my camera? Quick, I must record this for posterity! He scrambled madly for his recorder, tripping and shouting in a most uncharacteristic way.Naah, drawled Dundee, That's only a great lesser striped bird of paradise. There's hundreds of them in these parts.
It isn't, it isn't! insisted Sir David. The great lesser has wide blue stripes on a white background. That bird up there has wide white stripes on a blue background and it's feet are too small! Everyone thought it was extinct... this could be a crowning moment to my illustrious career! Where's the camera...?
There was an awkward silence. Finally Diana spoke, Well...
... when Barry fell into the guana goo, he tripped over Des, who was standing next to Crocky, who was trying to avoid getting his tail stuck, while Beryl was flirting with Dundee, who was trying to pass the bucket to Rocky, who had your camera in his backpack, and ... well... I'm sorry to say, your camera has sunk. But... but... sputtered Sir David! How am I supposed to document the lesser greater striped birds of paradise, or the greater lesser striped birds of paradise, or any other > or < birds of paradise?
totallyscrewedtotallyscrewed! squawked Macky the Parrot.
Well, said Diana, Rocky is a very good artist, and I'm sure he'd be happy to paint some pictures for you. There's just one thing...
... forget the whole thing! The paper in my journal. along with my title, was bestowed upon me by her Majesty, the Queen of ... Majestical Things, and there's no way I'm giving it to a squirrel!Hey! said Rocky. Raccoon here!
Diana said, Now boys, if we ever want to get out of this jungle, we have to work together.
Hurrumph! said Sir David.
Hurrumph! said Rocky.
HURRUMPH! said Barry.
Des said, I hate to interrupt everybody's hurrumphs , but isn't that a ...
...piece of bracketed speech that has been thrown our way?""Dunno," Barry replied, "but I'd watch out for the exclamation marks. I hear the natives dip the dots in curare! Oops, there goes one, now! And another."
"Then, let's protect ourselves with some parentheses," Diana suggested.
"Where on Earth would we find any of those in a jungle?" Rocky asked.
"They're no rarer than question marks," Desmond replied.
"Yes, they are, actually. In a heavily punctuated report on Grammar in the Amazon, I read a few years ago, they are apparently rarer than Rocking Horse...
..s and they've been declining faster than irregular verbs. I am, I was, I have been and now I'm not...
...so sure," said Beryl (feeling perplexed), because suddenly one can suddenly appear without warning. "Any idea how we can ward them off? We don't want them being used against us incorrectly.""I believe I know of a cure," Diana told the Supermarket delivery driver (who was wondering if she might ever be able to return to her job again).
"Well, what would that be?" Beryl asked (realising that the engine of her delivery van must have been ruined by the flooded river).
"Alliteration or onomatopoeia - or even both together."
"Well, bang goes my big, brown bongos!" exclaimed Beryl, "I can only think of...
...singing 'Splash! goes the scintillating Cillit' - if there're sufficient supplies.""Huh? It's beyond me," said Crocky the crafty crocodile, "I just want to get some jellified junipers into me jaws."
"That's it," exclaimed Diana. "You've joined in."
"No, I haven't, I really mean I want some jellified junipers - I'm stuffin' starving."
"Are you?" asked Beryl. "Then why don't you go and check out..
... the Rules of Grandma.You mean the Rules of Grammar? asked Des.
No, said Rocky. I mean the rules of my Grandma, Rosie Raccoon. As Rosie used to say, Always ascertain your ascertainable assumptions, otherwise you make an ass out of you and your associates.
Hey! said Francis. I resent that remark!
And, said Rocky, Grandma Rosie also said, Never put all of your chickens into one basket, otherwise you may end up with egg on your face.
Well that's true, said Sir David. I once made an award-winning documentary about how many chickens could be safely stored in one basket and I...
And, said Rocky, Grandma Rosie also said, If you ever want to get out of the Amazon, you must spell the word onomatopoeia and use it in a sentence.
Noooo! cried Beryl. We'll never get out of here! I'm not a good spellerer!
No worries, said Diana. All we have to do is come up with a really good simile and we'll be all set.
LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, said Barry.
Now Barry, said Des, We're all hungry, but we really need a good simile.
Jumpin jellified junipers! squawked Macky.
Diana said, I know! Lets...
...forget the similies, and let's look at anagrams, instead.""Wot of?" Barry asked. "Grammar?"
"No," Diana replied. "How about smilies?"
"Give er one! Give er one!" squawked Gusto.
"How about 8^p ?" suggested Beryl.
"Don't stick your tongue out at me!" complained Desmond.
"Sorry," Beryl said. "I've never been the same since licking all the stamps when sending out my last lot of Christmas cards. Well, if you don't like that one, how about...
... one of these? 🤓 😳 😇 💩 😸 😺 😳 Wow! said Diana. Where did those come from?
I know! said Sir David. I once filmed a documentary on the Isle of Smiles. There was one in particular that...
Was it the one in the middle? asked Des. Because that one looks like a very happy pile of...
SMILE! said Barry.
That's right, said Diana. Now that we have the map of the Isle of Smiles, I know we're heading in the right direction. Okay, everybody. Man the canoes! We're going home!
Write a poem! Write a poem! squawked Macky.
Beryl said, ahem...
There once was a girl so true
She liked the color blue...
... his bishop's mitre (which was a tad crumpled), and a telescopic, silver-coloured crook."Well, there you go. It just shows how wise a decision it was to ask Des-boy to turn out his pockets. I can think of a myriad use for that item."
"Can you?" asked Beryl, puzzled and intrigued in equal measure. "Such as?"
Diana smiled and said...
...also wonder what undisclosed items might lurk in other people's pockets, and why I was singled out to empty mine. Why can't we systematically go through the contents of everybody else's, beginning with...
... I'll empty my bag. But when we get home, if anybody tells anybody else what I've got in here, I swear I'll...No worries, said Des. What happens in the Amazon, stays in the Amazon.
Diana grudgingly reached into her bag and pulled out...
One tube of lip gloss in Virgin Vermilion.
One free pass for a romantic weekend in the Princess and the Rogue fantasy suite at the Orinoco Travelodge.
One empty bottle of Cillit Bang.
One halt-eaten chocolate biscuit.
One inflatable life raft with the logo Titanic on it.
(How old is she anyways? mumbled Des)
(Don't ask, whispered Crocky)
One expired coupon for Buy 10 doughnuts at ASDA, get one free.
One ticket stub from the musical Cats.
One extra pair of extra support pantyhose
One autographed picture of Chris Hemsworth made out to Smoochy.
One leopard-print thong.
And another empty bottle of Cillit Bang.
Geez, said Francis. She's got everything in there but the kitchen sink!
Diana glared at him as she pulled out a kitchen sink.
You know, said Crocky, we could have used that when Barry was covered in guana goo.
ME TOO! said Barry.
Well that's me, said Diana. Who's next? I've always wondered what...
Barry was keeping in his pockets. It can't be Cillit Bang, those bottles are the wrong shape. Yes, come on, urged Des, we've both let you see our stuff.
Okay, okay, muttered Barry and pulled out several packets of chewing gum, a pair of rubber gloves, a sewing kit from a hotel, a shower cap from different hotel and a bottle of body lotion from yet another. Also, a paper hat, a tiny notebook and a magnifying glass from a Christmas cracker and finally, a packet of 13 amp fuses.
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT? I PAID FOR THE ROOM, DIDN'T I? THEY EXPECT YOU TO KEEP THE FREEBIES.
Yes, yes, soothed Diana, but I was curious about the...
... 13 amp fuses.OH THOSE, said Barry. I MAY NEED THEM TO...
... to check out everybody's pockets. So, who's next?I vote for Beryl, said Francis. I think she's hiding something.
What! exclaimed Beryl. What would I possibly be hiding?! I don't even have a bag, never mind a pocket, or a ...
Me thinks the lady doth proteths too much, said Sir David.
Fine! said Beryl, as she reached into her bra and took out...
One Ms Clairol hair-coloring kit in Bleached Blonde Floozy.
One bottle of Cillit Bang shampoo, shellac, and conditioner.
One tortoise-shell comb made out of a real tortoise.
One zebra-striped thong.
One Victoria Secrets catalogue.
And one pair of alligator boots.
Hey! said Crocky. That looks like my cousin!
Beryl tucked in her blouse and said, That's all I got. Now, what about...
...you, Francis?" she suggested."Huh? Moi? But I don't wear trousers to even have pockets! And neither do I carry a handbag."
"He aw, he aw, he always says that," squawked Macky with gusto. "What about his saddlebag? Bet he's got a shed load of stuff in there."
"Grass!" exclaimed Francis, hissing at the macaw.
"Grass?" queried Barry. "You never told us that before, Frankie-boy. You gonna share the spliffs?"
"I might have the contents of our shed in my saddlebag, but none of those are included."
"Guess we're about to find out, aren't we," the Cillit Bang aficionado said.
"Well, someone else is going to have to do it for me, my hooves aren't exactly adapted to undoing the saddlebag buckle"
"I'll do it," Beryl volunteered, feeling smug now that she had already had her share of humiliation. She undid the buckle and started to remove the contents, one by one. "Right," she said, "we have...
...two compressed hay bales, one sombrero..." but just as she was pulling out a Swiss army knife, there came a huge explosion and a cloud of smoke mushroomed above the trees, scattering the birds, bats and other canopy dwellers far and wide, screeching and squawking in terror as the...
... saddlebags ripped apart at the seams and dozens of books flew in all directions!What the heck was that? shouted Des. And why am I wearing a sombrero?
My bad, said Francis. I had my saddlebag booby-trapped to avoid nosy neighbors.
But why? asked Crocky, as he brushed off bits of hay.
I think I know, said Diana, as she gathered up the books and tried not to giggle. Here's one called How to Make Friends in the Swamp, another one called Helpful Hints for Healthy Hooves (a 3-step guide to a Quadruple Mani/Pedi), another one called, Can You Canoe?, and a romance novel called, The Donkey and the Duchess.
Hey, said Francis, as he blushed furiously. I'm an electric reader!
I do believe, said Sir David, he means eclectic. I once filmed an award-winning documentary about the reading habits of domesticated asses and...
Now now, said Beryl. Ain't no need for name-calling here.
He's an ass! He's an ass! squawked Mackey.
YES, said BARRY. FRANCIS IS AN ASSET!
That's true, said Diana. And now, I'm wondering what Sir David has in his pocketsessss.
Pocketsessss? said Crocodile Dundee. Wrong story-line, luv.
Oops, said Diana. I meant, let's see what Sir David has been filming along our journey up the Amazon.
Well, said Sir David. I assure you that it's of the highest quality and I...
...would rather it remain secret until I can get it edited.""WE AIN'T TOO FUSSED ABOUT ANY EDITORS," said Baz. "IN THE RAW IS HOW I LIKES IT."
"I'm sure you do, but you want to watch the bugs, Barry, they can get right up -"
"The ass," Beryl asked, "have you filmed much of Francis while you've been in the jungle, Sir David?"
"I'd rather not reveal my hand, yet. However, I'm happy to reveal what I keep in my pocket." The man pulled out a furry item on a chain, "It's my lucky rabbit's foot."
"Huh," exclaimed Crocky, "it wasn't that lucky for the rabbit, was it."
"The old ones are always the best," replied David. "This token has accompanied me on all my adventures and I'm sure has been responsible for getting me out of a few sticky moments. Why, I remember...
... when I first got it. I was held captive by the BBC and...Wait! said Des. You were kidnapped by the British Broadcasting Corporation?
No no, said Sir David. It was the British Bagpipe Coalition. Apparently, they were offended by the rousing rendition of God Save the Queen that I played on my bagpipes. Personally, I thought I did pretty well considering I only had 3 lessons, but alas, the Queen disagreed.
I spent the next 6 months in the Royal Dungeons, where I filmed my award winning documentary, What's That Dripping in the Corner?, followed by the sequel, Why the British Should Never Play the Bagpipes.
Upon my release, the BBC apologized for any misunderstandings, and bestowed upon me my lucky rabbit's foot.
Wait! said Des. Are you saying that the British Bagpipe Coalition gave you a lucky rabbit's foot?
No no, said Sir David. I mean the Bugs Bunny Co-Op, the premiere distributor of charmed appendages. Then of course I...
Okay then! said Diana. I think we've covered Sir David's pockets. Now, who's next? What about...
...Crocky? Do you have a pouch?""I'm no marstoop-he-hull, you know," he replied.
"Or Rocky?"
"I'm no fur-lined hand-warmer," he advised.
"Then how about Mackey the macaw? How about replying with Gusto?"
"Moi?" squawked Mackey. "Who's a pretty...
... undercover agent... er... I mean... I'm a pretty bird!He's a spy, he's a spy! squawked Gusto.
Aha! said Des. Somebody had to be reporting our adventures and knew just where we were going. Nobody would ever suspect a parrot!
Hang im high, hang im high! squawked Gusto.
Okay Mackey, said Diana. Spill!
OH NO! cried Barry. MACKEY'S ILL?
No no, said Francis. It seems our fine feathered fiend has been thwarting our every move, and that's why we've been canoeing around in circles and can't find our way home.
Gonna die, gonna die! squawked Gusto.
Hell's bells, said Beryl. We've been Amazoned! Again! I think we should...
...have marinaded macaw on the menu tonight!""AAAWK!" squawked Mackey.
"Pluck it! Pluck it!" squealed Gusto. Mackey flew up to a higher bough, known as the Special Branch. Waddling behind a clump of foliage there came a flurry of feathers, and what emerged was... a toucan!
"Is that... Mackey in disguise?" Baz asked. "Just look at the size of its bill."
"I'm not surprised," replied Desmond. "Its avian tailor would have put in a good few hours to make that new outfit."
"Warra beak! Warra beak!" squawked Gusto, wondering where his partner had gone.
"That reminds me, I haven't had a Guinness for a while," said Rocky the raccoon.
"Whoever heard of a parrot that was also a quick-change artist and master of disguise?" asked Dianna. On hearing that, Baz started to eye up Crocodile Dundee suspiciously.
"If it comes to that, how do we even know if Crocky has ever been anywhere near Dundee?" he said. "And as for Rocky, has he...
"I think I know which one you mean," said Rocky. "Is it the loin, the watch and the...