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Blurb Workshop > Blurb Help - Poetry - Welcome to the Sombre Days

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message 1: by Jeremy (new)

Jeremy Mifsud | 8 comments I'm currently editing my next poetry book, and am in my final stages. I wanted to have a book blurb - so I will give you a bit of information about the book and then the blurb to see if it describes it well. Is the blurb saying something too much? too little? Does it say the right things but writing in a poor format?

Information:
The poetry book is autobiographical, about my life's experiences - although it is not literally that, it's metaphorical and all poetic. The first section deals with my childhood and not being as masculine, relating differently to my family, and early adolescence (school life, etc.). The second section starts with me exploring my sexuality and becoming depressed, quite dark. Section 3 would be about me finding my own identity, establishing that, starting expressing myself through poetry and meditation. The last section would be about facing new difficulties (relationship, career, etc.) and maintaining a healthy lifestyle, meditation, trying to remain optimistic and remain strong.

Blurb:
In Welcome to the Sombre Days, Jeremy Mifsud tells in poetry, an autobiographical story filled with vulnerable moments and hardships. Jeremy starts off with exploring his relationship with the world as a child. Upon reaching adolescence, he becomes aware of his sexual orientation. As this clashes with his religious upbringing, it creates internal conflict, leading to a long period of suffering from Depression. After two years, Jeremy starts to explore his identity further and slowly recovers from depression. However, mental health is not constant, and there are often challenges that prove difficult that he must face in everyday life.  The consists of 88 poems written about childhood, sexuality, depression & mental-health, relationships, vulnerability,  self-acceptance, recovery and daily hardships. The book is divided into four section, 'Puppet Strings', 'Welcome to the Sombre Days', 'Silver Linings' and 'The Warrior Within'


message 2: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4333 comments Mod
Jeremy.

I didn't read your information section, as I like to go into these blurbs cold, as your readers will. My reaction is - it's good, but far too long. There's a lot of "starts to explore" and listings which drag the blurb down. Depression and recovery are mentioned twice, as are sexuality and mental health. There's also a lot of vague references to things like "challenges" that will be meaningless to a reader.

I would suggest something like this:

'Welcome to the Sombre Days' is Jeremy Mifsud's autobiographical story told in eighty-eight poems. Jeremy explores his sexual orientation, his religious upbringing, relationships, vulnerability, depression, and mental health.


message 3: by Jeremy (new)

Jeremy Mifsud | 8 comments That feels... quite neat! I guess all the other information may be extra, if i'm saying what the poems will explore as well that it's autobiographical.


message 4: by C.C. (new)

C.C. Rising (CC_Rising) | 14 comments Consider editing by about one third simply by eliminating the filter words. Example: Instead of "Jeremy starts off with exploring his relationship with the world as a child." ..... "Jeremy explores his childhood relationship with the world."

Instead of ... actually, I just read Dwayne's comment above in full - I concur. No need for me to add more.


message 5: by Jeremy (new)

Jeremy Mifsud | 8 comments Thanks! I'll have it like that, give or take a couple of words. I'm so used to academic assignments where I have to fluff up the word count, that it's automatic xD

I appreciate the help <3


message 6: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4333 comments Mod
Jeremy wrote: "I'm so used to academic assignments where I have to fluff up the word count..."

Understandable. I remember those days. Fluff is poison in creative writing and blurbs. I don't really do poetry, but I'm guessing it's not a good thing in poetry, either.


message 7: by Jeremy (new)

Jeremy Mifsud | 8 comments Dwayne wrote: "Jeremy wrote: "I'm so used to academic assignments where I have to fluff up the word count..."

Understandable. I remember those days. Fluff is poison in creative writing and blurbs. I don't really..."


Yeah, it's not good. My poetry is quite more concise, but when it comes to writing blurbs or bios I just get back to academic style. Thank you so much for the help!


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