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message 1: by shinra (last edited Jan 14, 2018 02:54PM) (new)

shinra | 85 comments

It had been three hours. Eundal had been practising for most of the time, going over basics for most of the time. He focused on his image in the mirror, making sure his footwork was correct. If any were to actually witnessed this, they would probably think he was actually dancing along to a song. But in all reality, the music that was blasting from his earphones was the Star Wars theme song. The song gave him motivation to actually dance. He hadn't really been dancing since his modelling contract in Japan. He never really found the time too. He had put vocal training on a back burner too.

Stopping for a minute, he looked at his watch and realized exasctly how long he had been practising for. Deciding he had tortured himself for enough, he laid down on his back on the floor, simply staring up at the ceiling. He only just noticed how his legs were basically screaming for a break when he groaned at the aching sensation. Just the fact that the pain was affecting him so much stated that he was up to shape. Before he went to Japan, this never used to bother him. It was welcome even. It showed how much he dedicated to his career. But right now, it seemed like - well, a pain. However he didn't really regret going to Japan. If he didn't he probably would still be sulking about his failed relationships. 5 years was a long time to be in an relationship. Especially a relationship that was hidden from the public. Hoon had become a common part of his life. A factor that seemed as natural as breathing. So it made sense that he felt weird and out of his element after they had broken up. And he hated that feeling. He hated someone having such an effect on him so he packed his bags and went to Japan. Now, he didn't feel hurt anymore when he thought of Hoon. It was just anger. Good riddance. Just as he thought this, his phone switched songs and changed to Hoon's debut song. Instantly Eundal's mood turned sour, an evident frown on his face. He didn't even know why he still had it on his phone. He instantly paused it and took out his earphones, no longer in the mood to listen to music. Closing his eyes, he tried to relax before he started practising again, deciding to laze around on the floor for a few minutes.

message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

After nearly every judge commented on his pathetic failed attempt at dancing, Hoon admitted that maybe yes, he needed more practice. He needed to work on rapping as well but dancing was by far, his worst weakness. That dance he put together for the evaluation was what he considered to be his best work. He'd stay up day and night working on it, analyzing and memorizing every move before putting it to action. But he had no rhythm, no natural body movement. To put it bluntly, he absolutely sucked at dancing and there was no hope for him to get better. He first considered joining a group. That way he could sing and rely on the other members to rap and dance. Hoon wasn't particularly fond of people and he especially hating collaborating with others. Most of his songs were written, composed, and produced by him. He hated any kind of help or interference.

Dressed in low hanging and loose black sweats and a light orange hoodie (another downside to Hoon was that he had no idea how to dress, no matter the occasion), Hoon walked into the training room that was aligned with mirrors on every wall. Hoon usually relied on his boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) to dress him for casual events and his stylists to dress him for the formal events. Without them, Hoon would walk onto the red carpet in his loungewear. Hoon took one look inside the room and he groaned loudly and pushed his hand into his blonde hair, a habit he had whenever he was frustrated. "Out of all the people on the unit, I had to run into you?" He asks in disbelief. But he would be damned if he let Eundal drive him away from his practice. He needed to show that the man did not affect him at all so Hoon walked further and dropped his water bottle, phone, and keys on a bench.

message 3: by shinra (last edited Jan 14, 2018 04:43PM) (new)

shinra | 85 comments

At first, Eundal was going to get up and actually be polite and greet the person who walked into the room. However he recognized the all too familiar voice. He inwardly groaned from the irony of the situation. Just when he wanted to relax, Hoon of all people had to walk into the room. Eundal was completely convinced that God had some personal vendetta against him. He sat up on the floor and ran a hand through his metallic blue hair. He didn't even want to look at him right now but he still saw him through the mirrors. He looked different. Well it had been five years. That could change a person. But then again, Hoon changes no matter what. That was evident in their relationship. Well whatever they were, since apparently his ex-boyfriend didn't believe in love.

Eundal decided to take the dismissal approach instead of starting something. He pointed towards the door, giving Hoon a dry look through the mirror. "No one is stopping you from leaving." His voice was ice cold and his expression blank. He then scoffed, and rolled his eyes, his annoyance of the situation starting to show. "It's been five years. Do you have nothing better to do then worry about my presence? I want to keep my interaction with you to a minimum so you have nothing to worry about." Even as he was saying this, that part of Eundal that was still stuck in the past ached. But luckily, it was a small part of him at the moment, so he was able to say this to the older man.

message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

Hoon wasn't completely clueless to Eundal's presence on the unit. When he also joined, he knew fully well that he would have to interact with Eundal at some point. He just hoped it would be later rather than now. Hoon's social media blew up with notifications when Eundal announced he was going to participate. But the fans didn't get chaotic until Hoon announced he would do. Some even dared to speculate theories that the two of them might be making up. Hoon scoffed at that and closed the app when he saw the posts. As much as Hoon loved his fans, he hated their theories. He could so much as be wearing a hat Eundal owned and rumors of them being friends again would hit him in the face. It wasn't like clothing stores were split by the two and they were to only shop at specific stores.

Hoon scoffed and he strode in front of Eundal, passed him, and stopped a few feet away from the wall. He tried pressing every button on the panel until the fans above accelerated their speed. Hoon hadn't even started dancing but it was already way too hot in this room. He preferred to think Eundal's presence had nothing to do with that. "Oh please, you don't have to worry about me. I don't want to see you as much as you don't want to see me. But I'm staying, so you can leave." He bites back just as viciously.

While it was true his physical appearance had changed (his new dance practice had defined his muscles and he had bleached his hair) his personality was the same. Worse, now that he was no longer with the one person who made him feel happier. Hoon's own eyes turned to look at Eundal and they raked down his body and back up to his face, noticing his electric hair. It suited him.

"Actually, there's something I've been meaning to tell you... it's about the apartment." He sounded nonchalant when he was actually freaking out inside. They had just spoken to each other again for the first time in a while and Hoon had to bring up the apartment they shared.

message 5: by shinra (last edited Jan 14, 2018 05:00PM) (new)

shinra | 85 comments

It felt weird to actually see Hoon in person. Even if he had been in Japan, pictures of him are constantly blowing up his social media feeds. Fans would even tag him in their comments on his Instagram posts and numerous messages to him were about Hoon. It had been completely irritating. He went to Japan to get away from Hoon and sort out his life. But it seemed like no matter where he went, he couldn't expect him. For example right now, since he was definitely not leaving the room. One, he was way too tired to get up and two, a part of him wanted to get a rise out of Hoon.

Eundal frowned slightly at the change in temperature, pulling the shelves of his black Star Wars hoodie so they covered his hands. "Fantastic. At least we agree on one thing." he retorted sarcastically. "Good luck with that." His legs were feeling less numb, so he got up from the floor over to his stuff in the corner, slightly wincing. He rummaged through his bag for his water bottle. When he found it, he began to drink from it but nearly choked out of shock.

Putting his shelve over his mouth for a second, he successfully hid the mishap. He certainly wasn't expecting Hoon to mention that. That apartment was the last place he actually had a genuine conversation with Hoon. The place where their relationship ended. Flashbacks of numerous arguments cam to him. But also good memories but he tried to dismiss those too. When he felt relatively calm, he answered Hoon, trying to seem the least bit affected by his question. "What about it?"

message 6: by [deleted user] (new)

Eundal couldn't hide his reaction from Hoon. Hoon spent five years with the man and a lifetime before that getting to know him. Hoon knew everything about him and he knew how much the mentions of their life together hurt him. It hurt Hoon also, more than anything. Hoon stood by the wall, still. He had his arms crossed defensively, an act he subconsciously did whenever someone mentioned his past with Eundal. He watched Eundal stand up and he mentally kicked himself when his eyes automatically were trained on his body, especially his lower body.

Hoon cleared his throat and walked closer to Eundal so they can speak, like actual civilized people. " Taking care of it is a hassle and I'd like to either sell it or lease it. But I need your signature for either." He said bluntly. He didn't want to admit that he took care of the apartment, hiring maids to clean it and come water the plants that have been there since they moved in. But the apartment meant too much to him and he couldn't let go of it.

Hoon sighed and he rake his fingertips into his blonde hair. Interacting with Eundal was more painfully awkward than he thought it would be. To distract himself, Hoon put on a song, the one he performed for his evaluation. Taemin's Move blasted through his wireless and portable speakers on the bench and he started to flow into a rather choppy rhythm. The dance moves were amazing. They were upbeat yet sensual but they did not fit someone who could not dance to save his life. But he needed to improve this so he can move in to another song and another dance.

message 7: by shinra (new)

shinra | 85 comments

Eundal muttered a curse in Japanese when he watched Hoon make his way over to him. When he finally came to a stop right in front of him, Eundal felt strangely cornered. Not only was he uncomfortable, he had an urge to pull him closer to him. To actually be in physical contact with him. To restrain himself and to distract himself, he began to spin the cherry blossom engraved ring on his finger, something he had since he moved to Korea (a nervous habit of his). The fact that he actually longed to touch Hoon, even for a split second, irked him immensely. Those actions were unacceptable. Even the mere thoughts were.

It took him a while to actually register what left Hoon's mouth. He only nodded slightly, in a seemingly dazed state. "Signature. Right...." His voice trailed off at the end. However when Hoon moved away from him, he snapped out of his trance. His eyes followed him as Hoon moved towards the centre of the room. Crossing his arms, he watched as he began to dance. Well more like observed. When your in a relationship with someone like Hoon, you get good at picking up the smallest things. Hoon wasn't one to express his emotions, so Eundal had to memorize his tells. He knew what he was feeling without him even saying a word.

As Eundal watched him dance, he realized Hoon still wasn't that good at dancing but he had definitely improved from when they were younger. He found himself smiling when he remembered all the times he would force Hoon to dance with him in the apartment just to get him to laugh. But then he started to remember the entire symbolism that apartment had in their relationship. It was inevitable. If he thought of the good, he began to think of the bad and vice versa. The smile on his face disappeared as quickly as it appeared. So he began to focus on Hoon's dance. His mind began to recognize and fix the errors in his head. It was always like that. When it became too much for him is like his career was his brain's defense mechanism.

message 8: by [deleted user] (new)

Hoon stopped mid-step and trained his gaze on Eundal through the glass mirrors. The music continued playing in the background as Hoon stood his ground, silently staring. Eundal seemed to be focusing on his every move and it made Hoon all The more self conscious of his dancing. He walked over to where Eundal stood and he reached behind him to grab his Water bottle, the action and close proximity causing their chests to brush against each other. The contact felt like a fuzzy good memory and Hoon wanted to stay that way.

Not wanting to make his re annoyingly fixated attraction to Eundal obvious, he forces himself to move away, "go sell or lease?” He asks him after a few minutes of silence. He had put the song on repeat prior to starting his dance soit continued playing on a loop in the background,

Hoon s mind wandered to their days and night together. He thought about their 5 hour calls late at night becana one was away on business. But with good memories came the ones filled with tears and arguments.

message 9: by shinra (last edited Jan 14, 2018 06:37PM) (new)

shinra | 85 comments

Eundal felt extremely out of his element. Usually when anyone asked him about Hoon, he had no problem announcing his obvious displeasure about the topic. But it seemed like when he had was actually alone with Hoon, he was an awkward mess who didn't know how to interact. The whole situation was unsettling yet nostalgic. Not seeing someone who were in love with for 5 years and then suddenly seeing them in the flesh and not on social media made Eundal feel uneasy. He was torn between his attraction for Hoon and his mind telling him to leave and stay as far away from him as possible.

A feeling of disappointment washed over him as Hoon moved away from him, his body longing for contact, accustomed to his touch. He had been the last person he had actually dated. Well sure, he had tried to move on. Multiple times at that. But after the whole ordeal, at some point he must have given up on dating. He didn't know if he could deal with it again. The arguments, tears and unanswered questions. His voice was almost drowned out by the sound of the song blaring from the speakers. "Either is fine with me." In all honesty, Eundal didn't want to give up the apartment. Even though it was probably hard for him to set foot inside their, it still had some sentimental value to him. Of course he would never tell Hoon that.

Eundal's phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out and checked the caller ID, letting out a wary sigh when he say who it was. Walking over to the sound system, he turned it down and counted to five to prepare himself for this phone call. Finally he answered it, greeting the person in fluent Japanese. "Hi. How are you?" The feminine voice that flooded through the speakers slightly echoed through the room, sounding chirpy while she talked to him in Japanese. Eundal responded to her in short answers like "Yes" or "Okay" to seem invested in the conversation even though he didn't really care for it. The person on the other end was a model that he had met through the company that signed him. They had gone out only twice where he blatantly stated he wasn't looking for a relationship. But obviously, she had other ideas.

message 10: by [deleted user] (new)

Hoon should have left the training room the minute he saw Eundal in it. Nothing good would come out of the two of them interacting again. Now that he had his water in his hand, Hoon kept his eyes trained on Eundal as he took a drink, sipping the water casually to prolong his silence. He worried that if he opened his mouth, he would say the wrong things and embarrass himself.

Hoon nodded and he shuffled his feet nervously, capping the bottle again. " Well... if you have anything you want to get... the spare keys are still under the hanging flower pot." He tells him, a bit embarrassed by the fact that he hadn't changed the location of the keys. Eundal would think Hoon wanted him to come back, which he did at one time. Hoon thought to the nights he lay alone in bed, heart yearning to touch the younger. He had cried to sleep on numerous nights. Hoon didn't know how Eundal coped with their breakup but Hoon's negative coping skill almost led him to his demise.

Hoon watched Eundal walk away after his phone rung. He scoffed and sat down on the bench. "Rude, at least excuse yourself." He growls. They were in the middle of a conversation and Eundal just walked away. Hoon knew he was just fishing for a fight and for an excuse to stop himself from checking out Eundal in his dance wear and to stop his heart from clenching every time he spoke.

message 11: by shinra (new)

shinra | 85 comments

Eundal glared at Hoon due to his remark. The woman still chatted through the phone and he was starting to get ticked off. Relationships were a big no for him right now. Not after his last one. Especially since it basically derailed his life. He didn't spend time recovering from the constant numbness, bitterness and painful tears just to possibly go through it again with a different person. He had tried. But then he started comparing them to Hoon. No one seemed to be better than Hoon and he hated that. Even though it wasn't exactly his fault, he mentally blamed Hoon for making him become so jaded. No one physically or emotionally attracted him like Hoon did. His mother had a problem with that, hence her giving out his number to the girl who was currently talking his ear of.

Pinching his nose, he closed his eyes, feeling entirely exasperated. After having enough of this, he opened them again and finally decided to end this. "No. I don't think we should see each other anymore." The Japanese words left his mouth without hesitation. As he said it, his eyes wandered to Hoon, making eye contact with him. He mentally kicked himself when he realized he might actually know what he just said. He had shouted that once when they were having a particularly bad fight. Ignoring the protests from the other line, he hung up his phone, not really caring what she had to say.

Eundal thought back to the night he actually left. He hadn't brought anything with him other than the necessities. He most likely left something. But then he remembered the camera Hoon had gotten him for his birthday. He had taken a lot of photos on there. "Actually I do have something to get. Thanks for telling me." He played with his ring again, suddenly feeling awkward. The fact that Hoon might know that he actually have picked up from the phone call that it was someone he had gone on dates with made him feel like he had cheated. Which was absolutely absurd since it was very clear that they were not together so he shouldn't feel the least bit guilty.

message 12: by [deleted user] (new)

Hoon hadn't tried putting himself out there after Eundal left. He was too busy anyways and he needed to figure out how to move on, also. Not only did Hoon date Eundal, he depended on him for many things. They did almost everything together and living on his own after a long time of co-sharing his life was difficult. Hoon needed to mend his heart from the heart break and also deal with depression. To make matters worse, he needed to work on a new single, that he would release soon. But deep in Hoon's mind, he knew that those were just excuses. The real reason behind his lack of partners was that he truly wasn't over Eundal. No one would be able to satisfy him the way he had. No body would understand him the way he did.

Hoon watched Eundal speak through the phone with an unreadable expression. He's seen pictures of Eundal and other people on social media and he knew, always, that it was a date or something of the sort. He wanted to pretend it didn't effect him; but it clearly did. Hoon was never the jealous type, but he was possessive over Eundal the way he was possessive over his music. Eundal was his. Eundal was his masterpiece to marvel at. No one else was allowed to change him or claim him as their own. Hoon quickly shook his head at the thoughts. He couldn't think like that anymore. Eundal wasn't his anymore. Hoon's eyes narrow at Eundal, recognizing the words. Eundal sometimes entered what he called a "Japanese space" where his words were nothing but a jumble to Hoon. But after five years of listening to Eundal go off on him in another language, he picked up a few words and phrases.

Hoon looked down at the ground, feeling slightly embarrassed that he even cared about Eundal dating other people. He shouldn't care. Nope, he did not care at all. Or so he told himself. "Yeah... the ca- nevermind. I'd like to go back to practicing, thanks." He covered his slip up rather pathetically and went back to his dancing, this time he only played the instrumental and sang the song along with moving to the beat. He was about to admit that he had taken good care of the camera and kept it charged and in its sling bag.

message 13: by shinra (new)

shinra | 85 comments

When Eundal saw the obvious displeasure on Hoon's face, he automatically wanted to reassure him that it wasn't really what it looked like. He opened his mouth for a second but quickly shut it. He honestly didn't know why he was acting like this. Hoon and him were no longer together. So why did he feel like he needed to comfort him? He decided to brush it off as feeling sentimental due to seeing Hoon for the first time in a while. That's why he felt the sudden urge to be near him. He wanted to think that the reason he was able to restrain himself from touching Hoon was the fact he didn't have feelings anymore and not because of the cameras monitoring the room. What he was feeling now pent up emotions that were bottled up due to the sudden and explosive break up.

Deciding practice would be the best choice to distract himself from whatever he was feeling, he selected Super Chance's One More Chance, wanting to take the judges advice and add more dancing. He chose to use his earphones in order to block out the sound of Hoon singing since it was one of his favourite things about him and he was not willing to go down that spiral again. Gesturing to Hoon in the mirror, he decided they would both have to compromise since the were too stubborn to actually leave the room. "Since we both don't want to leave, how about we both take a half?" He chose to ignore Hoon's slip up because he figured it didn't actually mean something. He probably just remembered about the camera and Eundal didn't want to read to much into it.

message 14: by [deleted user] (last edited Jan 15, 2018 01:16PM) (new)

Without anything important to converse about, an awkward silence settled the room. Hoon nodded in agreement at Eundal's suggestion and he moved to his side of the room, as far away from Eundal as possible. If Hoon didn't feel comfortable enough around him to talk about the things that were actually on his mind then he wasn't comfortable enough to practice close to him. Hoon didn't even dare turn his gaze to the other man, knowing as soon as he laid his eyes on him, he would enter a trance. Eundal had that effect on him. Especially when he danced. Eundal was a much better dancer than he was and he had tried helping Hoon out but it was no use. So Hoon always settled for watching him dance and complimenting every little thing he did. Those were the old times. When Hoon brought him flowers after shows and stayed with him backstage and encouraged him from the audience. They really were a perfect pair.

The real questions that were searing Hoon's mind were not about the apartment. He had so many things to ask Eundal like why did he never come back to get his stuff? Why did he not answer the few apology texts Hoon left him? Why had he not called, even in fake concern, when news articles about Hoon landing in the hospital circulated the media? But Hoon didn't the will nor the energy to bring back past depression, confusion, and anger. It was too much for the either of them to handle, especially now. Especially when they were under the watchful eyes of many people. So he kept quiet as he sang and danced, repeating a few lines over and over when he messed up his footwork.

message 15: by shinra (new)

shinra | 85 comments

The awkward silence that filled the room felt extremely weird. In the past, Hoon and him were always able to speak their mind with no regrets. Both of them were dependent of the other and were so close, they didn't really care how they looked. But now, all they had was this suffocating silence, like their was a huge elephant in the room that needed to be addressed. Eundal would do anything to talk to Hoon normally, without hesitation or doubts - without having to worry about all the mixed feelings. Even arguing was better than this. Usually, Eundal wouldn't mind starting an argument. He has been told numerous times that he was very petty and needed to be more considerate of others. That was one of his flaws. However, in this situation, where Hoon and him were the only two people in the room, under the watch of cameras, he couldn't think of anything to say. He racked his brain for something to talk about that would be even the slightest important but he couldn't think of anything except for that apartment. With these troubling thoughts, he fell into step with the beat of the music fluidly, not really planning what he was doing. Too many thoughts were racing through his head and unfortunately for him, most of them were about his ex.

Coming to a halt after doing a spin, Eundal bit his lip and slightly pouted, a habit Hoon especially told him to not do around him because it distracted him. Sometimes Eundal did it to tease him but then other times, it was purely habitual - like now. It hadn't crossed Eundal's mind that it might actually bother him. It had been five years. It most likely lost its effect on the older man. Eundal wondered if he should ask him what he wanted to tell him when he sent those text all those years ago, but it probably didn't even matter anymore. He had lost his chance to actually mend their relationship due his bitterness and anger about the entire situation. When he left Korea spontaneously, he tried his best to detach himself from everything Hoon related, because he knew if he didn't, his emotions would get the better of him. So when he heard Hoon was in the hospital, even if he wanted to call Hoon and blast him with a bunch of questions because of his health, he managed to ignore it, repeating to himself that Hoon is not his concern over and over again like a mantra. But now that Hoon was standing in the same room as him, he decided he should at least mention it so he wouldn't think he was that heartless. "I heard you were in the hospital..."

message 16: by [deleted user] (new)

Nothing particularly important occupied Hoon's mind. No, images of Eundal dancing next to him and Eundal weating into his shirt and Eundal biting his lip and Eunda- nope, those were not important thoughts at all. Hoon thought he his progression in the dance actually got worse but it turns out, he was too preoccupied staring at Eundal to actually focus on what he was supposed to do. After a few times of repeating the same lines because he wasn't paying attention to them, Hoon decided it was time for another water break. It was either an excuse for a break or just giving up on improving his dance entirely and sitting slumped against a wall while he continued to stare at Eundal and kick himself over and over again until he averted his eyes.

Hoon didn't want to be affected by Eundal as much as he was. But it wasn't something they controlled. It was like they didn't break up at all. They merely put their relationship on pause and now that they saw eachother in the flesh again, they playback resumed. The attraction they had for eachother still thrived and Hoon hated that. He hated Eundal's ugly face, and his perfect smile, and his pearly teeth, and his elated eyes, and his electric hair, and hi- Hoon quickly averted his face away and focused on twisting the cap of the water bottle open and taking a drink.

When he heard those words, Hoon sputtered on his water, copying Eundal's reaction when he mentioned the apartment. Hoon was bitter about that. And his blind attraction to Eundal momentarily faded to anger. " Oh, now you seem to care? Where were you a few months ago?" It comes out as a growl, voice like bitter absinthe. It was stupid of Eundal to mention Hoon's weakest moments when he was finally acting civil near him.

message 17: by shinra (new)

shinra | 85 comments

It had occurred to him that Hoon might get angry if he mentioned that. But he didn't really care. He was only thinking about getting rid of the silence that plagued the room and hearing Hoon's voice. Hoon did that to him. He made him do irrational things that generally made no sense. The fact that he still had the ability to do that today bothered Eundal immensely. A part of him hated that he was still addicted to Hoon even after all this time apart but another part of him relished in it and he honestly felt frustrated. He didn't know whether to snap back at Hoon or apologize. But of course, Eundal chose the first.

Taking out his earphones, Eundal let out an exasperated sigh. His eyes glared at Hoon like he was blaming him for all his problems. "The problem is that I cared too much." The words left his mouth before he could stop them but it was too late for Eundal to take it back. Groaning in frustration, he slid down the wall on the his side of the room, hands raking through his hair and knees pressed against his chest, almost like he was trying to make himself as tiny as possible so Hoon couldn't see him.

In reality, Eundal had checked up on Hoon. Not directly, but anonymously. Being all the way in Japan wasn't enough to stop him like he thought it would. So like an idiot, he called his manager to ask how he was everyday while he was sick, making him swear not to tell Hoon. He couldn't call Hoon directly because then that would be like opening Pandora's Box. All the feelings he was barely managing to keep locked up would just come back up to the surface and he didn't know if he could handle that. There was no guarantee that Hoon even still had feelings for him at the time. So instead of hoping and daydreaming about it, he decided that if he couldn't get rid of them, then he should at least bottle them all up - because that's definitely healthy.

message 18: by [deleted user] (new)

Talking about that drained all energy from Hoon's body. He was already putting in so much mental effort to decide if he should tell Eundal what really happened or if he should spare him the details. But Hoon decided not to spare him. He didn't deserve it. Eundal deserved to suffer with the knowledge that he was a contributing cause to Hoon's hospital stay. He let out an exasperated sigh and slumped on the bench, his opened water bottle long forgotten in an involuntary tight grip of his hand. His shoulders sagged and the arch in his back emphasized the invisible weight on him. He appeared older than his age this way as he remembered.

Hoon went savage the first few nights Eundal left. He stayed at a hotel room in downtown, the cities party spot but he rarely went up to the room. He rarely slept. When he did sleep, it was in someone else's bed. His reckless behavior was ought to ruin his career one way or another. But he was lucky enough to not get caught. He partied like there was no meaning in life other than to belly laugh while stumbling around with an empty bottle in hand. A few days later, the reality hit him like a tidal wave. He needed to get back to work, get back into routine. But the biggest part of his routine was gone. Hoon now couldn't sleep for an entirely different reason. He couldn't sleep because there was no dip in the bed beside him. The only warm comfort he had was from his blanket. He couldn't sleep because instead of running his fingers through Eundal's silky hair, they were left to clutch the damp sheets that never seemed to dry through his tears. Hoon couldn't sleep because he heard his lone heartbeat instead of Eundal's along with his, creating a harmonic rhythm. Oh how he wished his heartbeat would stop that night. After weeks of the loneliness, it almost did.

Hoon stared at the ground where Eundal sat. He watched him curl up, hugging his knees against his chest. He watched him for the longest time, not really aware that he was staring. He was just having flashbacks. Finally he spoke after he cleared his throat," I was... I almost killed myself Eundal... and you didn't even call." His voice now completely gone and broken, Hoon hurried to cap his bottle and gather his things. He couldn't face Eundal after blurting that out.

message 19: by shinra (last edited Jan 20, 2018 08:54AM) (new)

shinra | 85 comments

(i was in my feels when i wrote this xD)

Eundal's head shot up, his brown eyes widening from shock. His already erratic heartbeat picked up speed and his mouth suddenly felt dry. He didn't know. If he had known, he would have called him, actually called Hoon himself instead of being a coward and checking on him indirectly. His eyes pricked with tears when he thought of Hoon killing himself. The mere thought of Hoon dying made his heart feel like it was being stuck by hundreds of needles and made a wave of nausea wash over him.

Eundal was a cruel person. He knew that himself. When he was hurt by somebody, his immediate reaction is to hurt them back. He became a cold-hearted bastard who didn't take others feelings into consideration. The night Hoon and him had broken up, he said terrible things to him. Things he didn't mean, he practically screamed them. He told Hoon that he never wanted to see him again when on the inside, he was practically begging for Hoon not to listen to him, to chase after him, to force him to stay. After the break up, he couldn't function properly. He barely ate, slept or generally took care if himself. His life felt dull and empty without Hoon with him. He was missing the drive to care about anything else. Night after night, he constantly tormented himself. He would lay awake, blaming himself for everything that went wrong in their relationship. He constantly thought of the "what ifs". What if he never said those cruel words to Hoon? What if he stayed? What if he didn't run away and actually tried to mend their relationship? He wondered if he hadn't done any of those terrible things, said things he didn't mean, would Hoon be lying beside him right now. Would things be like old times where they laid in bed for hours talking and laughing? He missed it so much. He missed him so much. He missed his smile, the way his kisses left him breathless each and every time. He missed his laugh, the rush he got when Hoon touched him. Overall, he missed Hoon. It was Hoon was a drug Eundal couldn't quit. He was completely addicted to the high and right now, it was like he was going through withdrawal.

When he had heard Hoon was in the hospital, his first reaction was picking up his phone and dialing his number. But he never let the call go through. He was afraid. Afraid Hoon didn't want to talk to him. Afraid that he would be utterly rejected. Only when it came to Hoon was Eundal insecure. He would overthink things too much instead of taking action. So in the end, he didn't call him. But that was just an excuse. He should have called him without hesitation, no matter how Hoon reacted. Even if there was a possibility Hoon would have completely gone off on him, he should have ignored his fear and talked to him.

Eundal practically scrambled off the floor when he saw Hoon getting ready to leave. He quickly walked over to him and grabbed his wrist, spinning him around. "I-I'm sorry." His voice was raw with emotion and he didn't even care if he was stuttering. "I'm a selfish and terrible person..... But please don't h-hate me." Eundal didn't really care if there was cameras watching them at this point. There were already so many rumours about them. Eundal's arms wrapped around Hoon's waist after a while, his face buried in the crook of his neck, He didn't want Hoon to see him cry so he hid it from view. He kept whispering "I'm sorry" over and over again, like a broken record. He wasn't asking Hoon to be with him again but he didn't want him to despise him. He wouldn't know how to live with Hoon actually hating him, despite him always thinking he might.

message 20: by [deleted user] (new)

Hoon didn't know how to react at first. Eundal was pressed up against him and Hoon, for the life of him, wanted to push him away and continue with his departure but he couldn't find it within him to move an inch. His body remained frigid in Eundal's hold and his irises momentarily blew out of proportion in a panic. He remembered the cameras in the room and the rumors and their careers. Hoon might be too far gone and totally talentless but he wasn't going to let Eundal's career suffer because of this small moment. But Hoon wrapped his arms around Eundal's shoulders anyways and his hand pressed rested on the back of Eundal's neck and pressed his head forwards, bringing him closer. Hoon's own head ducked down to find comfort on Eundal's shoulder in their warm embrace. He couldn't pull away. Through the silence of the room and Eundal's shaky apologies, Hoon finally heard their hearts beating together. Not the same rhythm. But they were together, and that was all that mattered.

" We can't do this. We can't stay like this..." Hoon brought his lips a bit closer to Eundal's ear and whispered. He wasn't ready to kiss his career goodbye just yet. But he wasn't ready to let go of Eundal either. They were both in the wrong, but Hoon had long forgiven Eundal for that night. He couldn't hold grudges anymore. He didn't despise Eundal for that night, but he despised him for every night afterwards, when he didn't call and didn't ask, when they never cleared up the rumors of them breaking up, when they would insult each other on social media just to get a rise out of each other. In a way, this whole time, they've been trying to get each other's attention.

" Just go with it... meet me at the office next to this room a few minutes after I leave." He whispers once again. He wasn't ready to let go. But they needed to talk, preferably somewhere without cameras. He heard a rumor that the offices don't have cameras inside and he put his entire trust in those rumors at that moment.

Hoon pulled away and his face scrunched up in fake hatred and disgust. " I don't want to talk to you again. You are not forgiven and never will be. You broke my trust, Eundal, and we can't be friends again." His acting was a bit choppy. Hoon wasn't as good as Eundal but he hoped no one would pickup on his rather stereotypical speech. He turned on his heels and marched out of the training room, hastily walking to an office he found earlier with his water and phone in hand.

message 21: by shinra (last edited Jan 23, 2018 04:26PM) (new)

shinra | 85 comments

(should i reply or should it just be the end of the rp in this thread?)

message 22: by [deleted user] (new)

( the end for this thread, carry this on in the offices thread?)

message 23: by shinra (new)

shinra | 85 comments (okay yeah. sounds good. you wanna post first since hoon left before?)

message 24: by [deleted user] (new)

end of roleplay

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