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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb MG Fantasy

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message 1: by Kelly (new)

Kelly V.H (kellyvh) | 5 comments Hi! I'd appreciate some feedback on my blurb. All help is appreciated. Thank you!

Tarran an eleven year old who belongs to the type of elves called Enfals is living in the little town of Nysal in Thersanom, he finds his father being kidnapped by the Enfals in Isdar after he’s found a mysterious human girl on the beach in Becha.

He goes on a search for his father together with his best friend Ryllae, the new girl Abigail and the help of a few Unicorns and a Pegasus’.

Tarran finds himself lost in an adventure and must make a big decision. What will he do to prevent the people he loves from an awful fate.

message 2: by Luralee (new)

Luralee | 65 comments Hi Kelly,

Blurbs are hard to write. I'm no expert, but I have some suggestions.

This reads like name soup. You have introduced too many character and place names. Personally, I would get rid of the place names as well as the type of elves and focus on your main character. Give us an idea of his personality and why we should care about him.

Paragraph 3 is vague. Without giving away the ending, tell us more about the nature of the adventure, and the awful fate they face with details that are unique to your story.

Hope this helps!

message 3: by Entrada (new)

Entrada Book Review | 214 comments Hi Kelly,

Luralee has some good comments.

Keep in mind that blurb writing is "sales" writing - meaning you are trying to "sell" your book to a potential reader and convince them that you are worth their time.

Start off the blurb with a hook, one liner or other device to keep the reader wanting more.

Entrada Publishing

message 4: by Susan (new)

Susan (susanrayeditor) | 20 comments Hi Kelly,

The suggestions you've received are great.

I'd recommend starting with something like:

With the help of friends, unicorns, and a Pegasus, eleven-year-old Tarran goes on a search for his kidnapped father. Tarran and his father are elves living in the hidden world of (name a couple cool things here about the Enfal world, like magic, secrecy, enchantment). To find his father, Tarran encounters an adventure of danger—and faces decisions a young elf should not have to make.

Good luck!

message 5: by Kelly (new)

Kelly V.H (kellyvh) | 5 comments Thanks everyone for helping me out!

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