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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Cover Blurb/Promotional Copy

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message 1: by Alex (last edited Oct 20, 2017 08:12AM) (new)

Alex | 124 comments I'm republishing a reworked version of my novel The Red Album of Asbury Park. Which of the following has the most merit as a blurb/promotion etc. Thanks.

1. Sam Nesbitt struggles to rid himself of his personal demons, past and present, as he pursues a mystery, a girl and a rock ‘n’ roll dream among the ruins of Asbury Park, New Jersey.

2. Sam Nesbitt struggles to rid himself of his personal demons, past and present, as he pursues a mystery, a girl and a rock ‘n’ roll dream, while a fabled but fading resort transforms itself into an American Liverpool.

3. Fading as a resort and riddled with drugs, crime and racial unrest, Asbury Park pins its hopes on new brand of rock and roll. Against the backdrop of the fabled town in free fall, 22-year-old musician Sam Nesbitt, struggles to rid himself of his personal demons, past and present, as he pursues a girl, a mystery and a rock ‘n’ roll dream.


You can check out the tone of the novel through the following link (read first chapters free)
https://www.amazon.com/Red-Album-Asbu...


message 2: by Denise (new)

Denise Baer The first three are confusing. I’m not exactly sure what you’re trying to get across because they all convey something different.

The fourth doesn’t get to the point. It talks about a lot of stuff, but the specifics aren’t there.

“Springsteen-land, Asbury Park, New Jersey. Once a thriving seaside getaway, now a rundown hulk of decaying buildings, degenerates, dive bars, thieves, decrepit amusements, gangsters and junkies.” What is a thriving seaside getaway? You list three different locations.

“Back from war, Sam Nesbitt has returned with a worldview that goes beyond Ocean Avenue. He wants to make something of himself, to escape the ghosts of days past, and not become another lost cause walking the streets of Asbury Park. Nesbitt’s hope is music. He has the goods as a guitarist and harbors dreams of that hit album that will get him the hell out of a nowhere life. Except the music is too much of an escape. It’s a pipe dream that bursts whenever confronted by all the obstacles surrounding Sam.” This doesn’t grab me. It should get right to the point.

“Instead of bringing glory, Sam’s efforts become an endless series of letdowns—bad gigs, continuous debt, medical mishaps, band breakups, missed opportunities—that far outweigh those nights where everything goes right.” What efforts? His efforts at becoming a musician?

“No matter how hard Sam pushes towards the dream, his family, or the local gangsters, or the women who don’t want him as much as he wants them, pull the bottom out from under him, dropping him to the pavement. Each time he dusts himself off and jumps back into the fray. If he’s not a hero, he’s the only guy in town who hasn’t given up even if he’s the only one who knows it’s worthless to even try.” Again, this doesn’t do anything.

The first two mention a mystery and a girl, but they’re missing from the third and fourth one.

What’s specific about your book? Capture the reader’s attention about the specifics and uniqueness of your book that can’t be plugged into another blurb.

I hope this helps.


message 3: by Alex (new)

Alex | 124 comments You make several good points. For the record, Springsteen-land, fabled city, seaside resort and City-by-the-Sea are all Asbury Park, New Jersey. Anyone familiar with Springsteen would have no trouble with the identifications, and his fans are the ones I'm trying to hook. I'm going to cut number four and include the mystery and girl in number three. The theme is the struggle to survive in a hostile and deteriorating but unique environment.


message 4: by Denise (new)

Denise Baer Alex wrote: "Anyone familiar with Springsteen would have no trouble with the identifications, and his fans are the ones I'm trying to hook."

Makes sense if that's your audience. Best of luck to you.


message 5: by J.R. (new)

J.R. Alcyone | 223 comments I like #3. For what it's worth, when I read blurbs #1 and #3, I instantly thought of the Boss. I feel like #3 captured a little bit of the spirit in the Boss's early work, specifically "Born to Run."

(The song that came to mind was Jungleland -- the Magic Rat chasing the barefoot girl ... and his own dream guns him down.)


message 6: by Alex (new)

Alex | 124 comments Very cool, Jen. Your response to #3 is exactly what I'm trying to get with the description.


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