In Defense of Mrs. Bennet

[Emma Jean]

Trying to marry off all five of your daughters so that they aren't impoverished later in life is bound to make you a little crazy.

[Andrea AKA Catsos Person]

Emma wrote: "Trying to marry off all five of your daughters so that they aren't impoverished later in life is bound to make you a little crazy."

You’re right!

[Jon]

I have found this fascinating and made me realise the depth even in JA’s most trivialised and popularised work (which is not the fault of the book). Here is another example:

The eldest two daughters are sensible and considerate of others. When they were born their father was still probably in love with his wife and he was waiting for the family to be completed by a son. Then he lost interest, realised his wife’s true character and stuck his head in the sand. The three younger daughters have only had their mother to relate to and grew up silly and selfish. Mary is like a parody of her father – his interests and her mother’s vanity. (She is the weakest character in the book.) Kitty and above all Lydia are all too obviously their mother’s daughters.

Lizzie is her father’s daughter. The cuckoo in the nest seems to be Jane.

[Melindam]

Thanks for sharing this, Terence. I haven't thought about this, but it totally makes sense.

[Jon]

It's a pleasure,, Melindam.

Somebody suggested Mr Bennet should have exerted more control over his family. Maybe, but if he had somebody here would have accused him of being a sexist patriarch. Sir Thomas Bertram has exerted control as he thinks but he ends up only alienating his daughters. When Lydia elopes, her father goes in search of her with totally unexpected energy. I can’t remember Sir Thomas doing anything similar. At least Mr Bennet is close to one of his daughters, ie Lizzie.

Mr Bennet may be an irresponsible parent, indeed he is, but he is far more responsible than Mr Woodhouse and Sir Walter.

[Andrea AKA Catsos Person]

Terrence wrote: "I have found this fascinating and made me realise the depth even in JA’s most trivialised and popularised work (which is not the fault of the book). Here is another example:

The eldest two daughte..."

What a unique veiwpoint Terrence! ! Now that you’ve called attention to these points, it really makes a lot os sense.

Thank you for sharing this!

[Jon]

Andrea (Catsos Person) is a Compulsive eBook Hoarder

O blush. In fairness, I think it was pointed out to me by my tutor at university. Still that was a long time ago.

[Jon]

Mr Bennet is at his finest when he talks to Lizzie after Darcy has asked his permission to marry her and does his best to dissuade her.

““Lizzy,” said her father, “I have given him my consent. He is the kind of man, indeed, to whom I should never dare refuse anything, which he condescended to ask. I now give it to you, if you are resolved on having him. But let me advise you to think better of it. I know your disposition, Lizzy. I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable, unless you truly esteemed your husband; unless you looked up to him as a superior. Your lively talents would place you in the greatest danger in an unequal marriage. You could scarcely escape discredit and misery. My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life. You know not what you are about.”

Behind saying “seeing you unable to respect your partner in life” there is all the sadness of his realising he can’t respect his own wife, which is why he takes refuge in endless irony. The word "you" is in italics.

This was pointed out to me by my tutor years ago..

[Melindam]

I agree that Mr Bennet is "more responsible" than Sir Walter, however, in my eyes he still neglected his duty as a father to all his daughter. And the fact that he loves Lizzy and possibly Jane doesn't change that as he failed them as well as the other daughters.

[Melindam]

It's a bit contrary to me that it is against Darcy he tries to caution Lizzy. He knew that Lizzy was attracted to Wickham & I think he was the only one in Meryton who at least suspected that W. was a bit of a fraud. He kind of referred to it in a jest, but nothing more. It was Aunt Gardiner who took the responsibility upon herself and warned Lizzy about falling in love with W.

[Louise]

Terrence wrote: "It's a pleasure,, Melindam.

Somebody suggested Mr Bennet should have exerted more control over his family. Maybe, but if he had somebody here would have accused him of being a sexist patriarch. Si..."

BUt Mr Bennet is supposed to be intelligent, wheras Mr Woodhouse and Sir Walter are both very silly. naturally more sense is expected from him, but he shows none. Also, since Mr Bennet is supposed to be so fond of Lizzie, why doesn't he listen to her when she begs him, for instance, not to allow Lydia to go to Brighton? He doesn't care about her enough to have any consideration for her feelings. He is a very selfish man.

[Jon]

Louise wrote: He is a very selfish man

To answer the initial question, Mrs Bennet is in a potentially very worrying position which makes her desperate, and she deserves more sympathy than she usually gets. But I fear she would be nearly as impossible even with a son. I can imagine how she would smother him.

That Louise and I can have a disagreement (I hope amicable) about Mr Bennet is a sign of JA’s genius.

Mr Bennet comes out quite well compared to Sir Thomas Bertram, but I won’t say anything more here in his defence.


It is a truth universally denied that there is no such thing as a perfect parent.

Jane Austen is not deceived at all

[Louise]

Terrence wrote: "Louise wrote: He is a very selfish man

To answer the initial question, Mrs Bennet is in a potentially very worrying position which makes her desperate, and she deserves more sympathy than she usua..."

IF the Bennets had a son Mrs Bennet would be less stressed about what was going to happen to the family estate, less frantic about marrying off the daughters. But there would always be the danger of something happening to him, two sons would be better, an heir and a spare. Which of the Bennet girls should have been boys is quite an interesting question. Jane would be a good natured and generous brother to his sisters, ELizabeth as the most strong minded would be the best able to influence her father in sensible behaviour, stand up to her mother etc. The estate would be safest with him. MAry would be tiresomely priggish and probably always lecturing his sisters about their behaviour, as the heir they couldn't ignore him as easily as they can a girl. KItty is a bit of a nonentity and would probably be easily manipulated by his cannier sisters. LYdia would no doubt be much given over to pleasure as a boy, probably drinking a lot, gambling, and chasing girls. THe family fortune would not be safe in his hands, she would be the least desirable as a son. Lizzie as the oldest son, Mary as the second son, is probably the best scenario. Mary as a second son could go into the church and find an outlet for her sermonising.

[Lona]

Terrence wrote: "Louise wrote: He is a very selfish man

To answer the initial question, Mrs Bennet is in a potentially very worrying position which makes her desperate, and she deserves more sympathy than she usua..."

I think that liking or condemning Mr. Bennet depends on whether we look at the family through the lens of comedy or tragedy. If drain all the humour away, we see that Mrs. Bennet has good cause to be concerned about her daughters' prospects, and that poor Mary deserves more affection and so on. But P&P is a comedy, and the family foibles are held up for us to laugh at--until skillfully mixed with some tragedy with Lydia's elopement.

[Louise]

Lona wrote: "Terrence wrote: "Louise wrote: He is a very selfish man

To answer the initial question, Mrs Bennet is in a potentially very worrying position which makes her desperate, and she deserves more sympa..."

mr Bennet comes in for quite a lot of criticism in the book, he may be amusing, but I think we are meant to be aware of his shortcomings.

[Lona]

Agreed, but it's still through the lens of comedy. 'No, Lizzy, let me once in my life feel how much I have been to blame. I am not afraid of being overpowered by the impression. It will pass away soon enough.' Let me give some more examples of comedy vs tragedy. Slipping on a banana peel. What's funny about that? Somebody is hurt. Did you see the movie, "A Fish Called Wanda"? Three little dogs are killed. It's hilarious. What's funny about a poor little dog being killed? And Helena Kelly, author of Jane Austen: the Secret Radical, says that the famous opening line, "It is a truth universally acknowledged," is not funny because the line talks about how the single man is the lawful property of one of their daughters, and slavery existed at the time, and British people owned slaves, and slavery is not funny! Once we stop laughing and start upholding Mrs. Bennet as a victim of Mr. Bennet's neglect and disrespect, the bubble of humour bursts.

[Hannah]

I disagree with the comparison of Mr. Bennett with Sir Walter or Mr. Woodhouse. Honestly, the latter two were more responsible parents, because they recognized their shortcomings and gave their daughters school or a governess as a guide. Sir Thomas is the closest in comparison, but where Mr. Bennett watches his daughters’ shenanigans with a familial safety never tested, Sir Thomas sets severe rules in the beginning and then trusts to his daughters’ nature or “good example” via mother and aunt. I think Mr. Bennett is a realistic representation of some fathers at the time, however. Austen made Elizabeth his most beloved daughter so we would see the good in him and not automatically condemn his shortcomings.

Also, while I agree that Mrs. Bennett suffers from disrespect, I don’t think her husband is the only abusive one in the relationship. Marriage is a partnership, and it’s obvious that neither of them were really ready for everything that included. I don’t think there’s proof that they ever loved each other. Mrs. Bennett refers to how sad she was when officers left her town and how much she still likes them, and she knows quite a bit about snagging husbands in better situations than their brides...as Charlotte says, in Austen’s time “‘marriage is entirely a matter of chance.’”

[Jon]

As I said no parent in Austen or life is perfect.

I wonder what difference the entail makes. Presumably even with a son and heir, Mr Bennet has no more money to leave to his wife and daughters as the son gets the whole estate. They are then dependent on his generosity. He may not be as nasty as John Dashwood, but if Mrs Bennet was your mother, and more to the point your mother in law, would you want her living under the same roof? There would be hope of more financial security with a son but not much.

And Mrs Bennet would be just as obsessed with the female one-upmanship (ie getting one over Lady Lucas) of getting daughters married with ostentatious weddings. Jane Austen’s opinion of weddings, which is also mine, can be read in the last paragraph of Emma.

And Hannah’s point is that she probably didn’t love him. I hadn’t thought of that. He at least fancied her and married beneath his class. She probably married him to considerably improve her social status.

[Melindam]

Very valid points Hannah & Terence.
A young Mr Bennet must have been considered a most eligible gentlemen for Miss Gardiner (aka Mrs Bennet) as a lawyer's daughter.
And as Mrs B. cares very little about a man's character -provided he is socially/financially eligible- when it comes to her daughters, we cannot expect a different attitude from her regarding herself.

[Melindam]

Maybe Mr Bennet feared that Lizzy was displaying the same attitude as her mother had when he cautioned her against accepting Darcy.

[Troy]

Mrs. Bennet was not as unpleasant as Mr. Collins or Lady Catherine but I feel like she was undeniably ridiculed by Jane Austen's biting social commentary right from chapter one. HOWEVER, it is of significant importance to her that her daughters are married and live a wealthy life. These sort of characters are common in Austen's novels. Personally, I'm not the biggest fan of Mrs. Bennet but she's, in mundane terms, OK.

[Louise]

Lona wrote: "Agreed, but it's still through the lens of comedy. 'No, Lizzy, let me once in my life feel how much I have been to blame. I am not afraid of being overpowered by the impression. It will pass away s..."

well, this thread is called In Defense of Mrs Bennet. it's a bit difficult to see how you can discuss that subject at all unless you make some kind of reference to Mr Bennet's shortcomings. THere doesn't seem to be anywhere to go really if you don't. And now that I am old, I do feel more sympathy for Mrs Bennet than I used to when I was young. Such is life. and no, people slipping on banana skins isn't funny, never has been and never will be.

[Louise]

Hannah wrote: "I disagree with the comparison of Mr. Bennett with Sir Walter or Mr. Woodhouse. Honestly, the latter two were more responsible parents, because they recognized their shortcomings and gave their dau..."

I don't think Sir Walter believes he has any shortcomings, he regards himself as perfection. he probably sent Anne to school because it got her out of the way. mr Woodhouse doesn't think much about anything except illness, but he would have got a governess for Emma because it was the thing to do, he would certainly never have considered sending her to school, all those germs! sir Thomas is a cold fish, though he does make some attempts, albeit clumsy ones, to do the right thing, as when he offers to break off Maria's marriage for her. ANd he even attempts (with no success)'to find out what Fanny has against henry Crawford. None of them are ideal fathers, though if any of them were it would be awkward for the story, especially in Mr Bennet's case.

MR and Mrs Bennet were quite unsuited to each other, but since Mr Bennet is more intelligent, he should have been able to figure that out before they married. But Mrs Bennet was probably a very attractive girl, and he was beguiled by her. And she was probably flattered to be courted by someone of a higher social station, and possibly Mr Bennet was attractive when young.

[Mary]

Alexis wrote: "her thing for militia soldiers, for one thing,."

Does she actually do anything silly there? She admits that a soldier is attractive, and she considers them as good a catch as any other respectable upper-class man. True, she says he has to have an income, but then, she was considering the practicalities.

[Mary]

Melindam wrote: "Maria, Mr Bennet's priorities are to be left alone to enjoy his books. He is totally self-indulgent and while Lizzy is his favourite, he never stirs himself to do good by her let alone the other gi..."

He does call on Mr. Bingley. In fact, he's among the first to do so.