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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb fantasy novella

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message 1: by Kelly (new)

Kelly V.H (kellyvh) | 5 comments Could anyone give me feedback? Thank you.

Blurb:
On the night just before she turned 16 Leona Ridley gets this very strange dream where she enters a world with a bright pink sky and meets people with bright purple eyes and tails. This isn't the only strange thing there is in the dream there are also dogs with wings and cats with huge claws that attack people at night.

Besides the dreams she gets lately she also has a normal life living at home together with her family and going to school.

Leona wants to discover what this world means and why she's there.

Together with her best friend Rose Abney she's going to try and discover the secrets of this strange world and also with a little help of her new friend Chase Archer.


message 2: by Keith (new)

Keith Oxenrider (mitakeet) | 1166 comments The general rule of thumb is to introduce the character, outline the stakes, and identify obstacles. Any introduction to the world has to happen as a side effect. I don't feel I know anything about your MC, don't really see any sort of stakes or obstacles.

Another rule of thumb, never name a character if the character only shows up once in a blurb (or synopsis), stick with the function (e.g., best friend). The supposed sweet spot is 100-150 words. Since you're at 127, you have some room to expand.

Good luck!


message 3: by Entrada (new)

Entrada Book Review | 212 comments Hi Kelly,

How about?

On the night before her sixteenth birthday, Leona Ridley has a very strange dream where she enters a world with a bright pink sky and meets people with bright purple eyes and tails. Even more strange, this world has dogs with wings and cats with huge claws that attack people at night.

An ordinary girl, Leona decides to discover what this world means and why she's there. Together with her best friend Rose and a little help from her new friend Chase, she's determined to discover the secrets of this strange world.

It had good bones but it needed some tightening up. You could add more to the end of the summary, a cliffhanger if one applies to your story.

Hope this helps!

-Rachel
Entrada Publishing


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