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Journals : G-I > illusory fear of self ( possibly rated r lesbireal )

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message 1: by sucre'd fiend (last edited Nov 02, 2017 12:31PM) (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

rem.fiend @dyingpsychmajor

college junior that enjoy hurting their future
she/her, they/them

05/17/97, 3:00 PM

99 Problems   00 Problems with Bitches


rem.fiend @dyingpsychmajor · 11/02/17
i enjoy music, writing, roleplaying, and procrastinating
 
rem.fiend @dyingpsychmajor · 11/02/17
new journal bc the other is a lot less journal-y
and a lot more fangirl-y




message 2: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

YIKES
. i always find that when i start writing again, everything looks hideous. regardless what form it is, i always find some reason to hate it and wanna scrap it. not enough substance, not enough umph. not enough.
. i know the big thing is "no one's ever good when they start" but like...everything i try to do feels so unbelievably shitty.
. my name isn't all that hard to pronounce. get with it.




message 3: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

171011
. i'm kinda pleased with myself. there weren't a whole lot of errors in the routine i did for dance, despite the fact that i was sick all last week and that we had a break where i did zero dancing. sth i can actually be proud of for once.
. i'm late on this paper and like the next one is being assigned this friday. i should work on it tonight and i also have to do this chapter for anthro that i keep putting off.
. i'm so sore. :))))




message 4: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

i feel like i would be a lot more motivated to be doing work if literally every time i did my work someone wasn't trying to tell me i fucking wasn't




message 5: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments *laughs*


message 6: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

it's not even 12 pm and i already wanna kill myself :)))) good day this has been




message 7: by alessia (new)

alessia (classick) | 275 comments damn, 加油s man


message 8: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments <3


message 9: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

171017
. lmao i put the wrong date on my exam today. tbh i don't think i did so great, but the questions were literally right out of the homework questions and she never specified a way she wanted us to answer. or how much we were supposed to write. an essay? short answer? didn't even bother to say; just pick 3 out of 5. and even then we could only answer for a particular civilization twice, but the questions specified which civilization regardless. meaning we had like zero choice anyways.
. i'm...attempting to build healthy habits. i kinda failed on the front of keeping up a journal diligently lol but here i am trying
. my head hurts from getting the braids in




message 10: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

waiment...y'all...i misspelled presence on this exam....wtf




message 11: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

171018
. there were "christian"....protestors? ralliers? sidewalk preachers? on campus today. apparently they've been here since the summer but like i never saw them. prolly bc of their location/the times i'm on campus/was on campus for. don't really care but it bummed me out to hear this has been going on for months and yet again drexel's being a little shit about it :)))))
. met with my co-op advisor and now i have to set up another appt with the international co-op advisor. not so bad. i mean the scholarship i could get for going to an east asian country is 10k so....but i have to get the resume done
. my entire body is sore from dance class and tbh it's kinda nice. means i'm putting in effort. but i'm also dead tired
. my anthro teacher just posted the hw for the week that's supposed to be due tomorrow and she said it was gonna be up yesterday :)))) fukin hate her




message 12: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

171019
. today started out pretty weird. my hip was ( is ) hurting pretty badly but worked out just fine. i couldn't pick up my textbook bc the textbook section is apparently closed for inventory so i'll check back tomorrow. no protestors tho!! i used up all my money for the week bc my brother took my lunch bc he didn't bother to think i would have set aside food for myself and just took it :)))
. but!!! my 7for7 preorder came in. got literally nothing of my bias yugyeom but all my bias wreckers lmao
. anthro was canceled :)
. my parents have been fighting since before i left for the store and that was over an hour ago :)))))))




message 13: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments basically the past few days have been me ranting + memes
nothin new


message 14: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments in fact, the following post will contain yesterday's rant, which is still relevant


message 15: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

( note: i was talking to someone throughout the entirety of this lol )

(view spoiler)




message 16: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

part two

(view spoiler)




message 17: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments new format, who dis


message 18: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments

i should know this pattern already




message 19: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments so
i can't dance for 2 weeks
and my health issues kept me out of one class enough that i won't get a passing grade
marvelous


message 20: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments feelings of inadequacy are fun


message 21: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments i wanna strangle someone :)


message 22: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments guess I should add now that I'm a psychopath according to the diagnosis of my mother bc I'm "lying" about being in pain.


message 23: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments I need a how to for turning off emotions


message 24: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments yea
these are just tiring and I don't want any of them anymore


message 25: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments i guess fake it til you make it is still in place


message 26: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments a mess?
a mess


message 27: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments it's all my fault
i should've never opened my mouth


message 28: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments i feel like the end of one of those tootsie pop commercials every time i try to get my life together
"will rem ever learn how to be a decent human being? the world may never know"


message 29: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments (view spoiler)


message 30: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments the help I thought I had doesn't exist


message 31: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments well, if my mom says to go to hell I guess I gotta :)


message 32: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 1139 comments Today is not the day


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