Unapologetic Romance Readers discussion

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Links and Articles > 8 Reasons People Mock Romance

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message 1: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
HERE!

To my fellow romance readers and authors:




message 2: by Katy (new)

Katy (bgnbrooks) | 112 comments I love this! I agree with all of it 100%


message 3: by Bruna (new)

Bruna (Brunet26) | 29 comments I really liked this article. it made lol. and I agree with all the 8 reasons. ;-)


message 4: by Antonella (new)

Antonella Licciardi | 130 comments Love it!! And true!!


Nenia ✨ Queen of Literary Trash, Protector of Out-of-Print Gems, Khaleesi of Bodice Rippers, Mother of Smut, the Unrepentant, Breaker of Convention ✨ Campbell (neniacampbell) | 3028 comments Mod
I've literally had someone tell me each of those reasons (the reasons that this book was refuting) as a reason they did not like romance and it is sooo frustrating. This article made me feel validated.


message 6: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
I think one of the other points (or sub-points) on here needs be the writing of sex. Or maybe it's less romance genre and more just female authors. Because some of these lines from non-romance books written by male authors...



Which is from the NEBULA AWARD-WINNING The Claw of the Conciliator.

Then there's also Morrissey's List of the Lost:




Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
Haha, love it!


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
Nenia *the flagrant liberal* wrote: "Welp, I think it's time to whip this gem out:

"


THIS IS ACCURATE.


Nenia ✨ Queen of Literary Trash, Protector of Out-of-Print Gems, Khaleesi of Bodice Rippers, Mother of Smut, the Unrepentant, Breaker of Convention ✨ Campbell (neniacampbell) | 3028 comments Mod
Someone posted it in one of the other URR forums. I felt like it was time for a repost. ;)


message 11: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
Nenia *the flagrant liberal* wrote: "Someone posted it in one of the other URR forums. I felt like it was time for a repost. ;)"

It was me! But yeah, most definitely time for a repost. And it's not to say that there aren't some cringey scenes in romance novels by female authors, but I don't think I've ever come across a "bulbous salutation" lol.


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
"Bulbous salutation" would definitely refer to the villain instead of the hero, because the heroine would want to run far in the other direction, lol.

"New-hatched chick" is equally bad. Can't you just say she has soft pubes? FFS.


message 13: by Veronica (new)

Veronica Rosa (veronicadelrosa) | 45 comments I wasn't even thinking about soft pubes for the new-hatched chick... I had no idea what the author was talking about! *laughs* So thanks for clearing that up.


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
That was my best guess, lol.


message 15: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
Heather wrote: ""New-hatched chick" is equally bad. Can't you just say she has soft pubes? FFS."

omg IS THAT WHAT THAT MEANS?! I thought it was about a thigh gap or something lol...


message 17: by Sam (AMNReader) (new)

Sam (AMNReader) | 62 comments Yes, this article is good...

And so are the following comments. lol!


message 18: by Lexxi Kitty (new)

Lexxi Kitty (LexxiKitty) | 315 comments 'new hatched chick' 'wide thighs'. I was left imagining two things:
1) a woman giving birth to a yellow fluffy chirping 'thing';
2) beaks.
"I gazed longingly towards her, beseeching her with my eyes. I lick my lips and lean forward and nibble on her ear, tongue darting in and out as I nibble. I catch my tongue on my teeth and squeal in pain.

While I pulled back and hopped around a little from the pain, I heard a soft silky sound, falling, from behind me. I quickly recovered myself and turned back in time to watch the green silk sliding down her meaty thighs. My eyes were hypnotized - stuck upon the falling greenness.

Watching as the dress floated down. Then I pulled my eyes up her parting legs, noticing her how wide apart her legs were getting. Up my eyes traveled. Slowly, drinking her in. Caressing her skin with my glistening eyeballs as . . .
*chirp*
as . . as. .
*chirp. CHIRP!*
as . . what the . . what's making that chirping noise? My eyes dart immediately towards what must be making that sound and . . no, my phone was off.
*CHHHIIRRRP. chirp chirpchirp*
Assuming that I might be dying, hearing sounds not there, I figured a good romp would be the way to go out of this world, so I hurriedly attempted to ignore the chirping as I moved closer. I lightly slide my hands down her slick downy skin. Sliding down to her womanness. Moving my fingers closer and . . . bloody hell that hurt!

Squealing in pain I leap backwards starring down at my hand. Blinking shocked eyes at my blood covered hand. Swallowing I looked over and . . . bloody hell, the woman has a small newly hatched chicken between her legs. Little beady eyes glared at me. I watched as the beak moved up and down. The blood smeared beak on the newly hatched chicken between her wide wide meaty thighs."


message 19: by Honeyeater (new)

Honeyeater | 242 comments OMG... Oh dear.... Lol


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
When romance turns to horror... Lol.


message 22: by Antonella (new)

Antonella Licciardi | 130 comments OMG! There are no words..


Nenia ✨ Queen of Literary Trash, Protector of Out-of-Print Gems, Khaleesi of Bodice Rippers, Mother of Smut, the Unrepentant, Breaker of Convention ✨ Campbell (neniacampbell) | 3028 comments Mod
I was thinking about the bad sex scene excerpts posted and was wondering why it made me think of something I'd read, and then I realized it was because I was having flashbacks to Robert Heinlein's work during my "I want to read all the classic sci-fi" phase.

Incidentally, LOGAN'S RUN the book was also really weird because I believe the cut-off age in the book is 20 and not 30 like it is in the film version.


message 24: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
Lexxi Kitty wrote: "'new hatched chick' 'wide thighs'. I was left imagining two things:
1) a woman giving birth to a yellow fluffy chirping 'thing';
2) beaks.
"I gazed longingly towards her, beseeching her with my ..."


lol seriously echoing the rest of you -- there are no words, but..omg.


message 25: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
Nenia *the flagrant liberal* wrote: "I was thinking about the bad sex scene excerpts posted and was wondering why it made me think of something I'd read, and then I realized it was because I was having flashbacks to Robert Heinlein's ..."

POST AN EXCERPT.

Guys, I know the new-hatched thing is seriously wtflol...but why are we not addressing Eliza's breasts barrel-rolling...??

And to add more excerpts to this topic: HERE! I didn't know this was a thing...but I should've known someone would take the initiative: Literary Review’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
sraxe wrote: "Guys, I know the new-hatched thing is seriously wtflol...but why are we not addressing Eliza's breasts barrel-rolling...??"

It was too much to address at once! But yeah, I think I totally read it wrong. I read it like her breasts barrel-rolled across his mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation. So in my mind she just rolled down his entire body. But I think "the pained frenzy" is the beginning of a separate clause? Damn it, Morrissey!


message 27: by Lexxi Kitty (new)

Lexxi Kitty (LexxiKitty) | 315 comments "but why are we not addressing Eliza's breasts barrel-rolling." - because the entire thing was too goofy for words. Howling mouth? bulbous salutation? central zone? etc. etc.

Oh, and I didn't understand it at all. I don't even know what most of the words mean. Okay, that's not really true, but I don't like having to think too hard when reading erotic scenes.

Also, there's nothing really humorous I could write in response to it when it itself is . . . too goofy for words.

Not actually sure what barrel rolling is actually. Vague recollection of being in a diner in Richmond and someone telling me that they used to roll barrels of tobacco down to the port. Then there are those images from cartoons of someone stuffing barrels full of gun-powder and rolling the barrels at people. I assume Ezra is a cannibal. I, otherwise, do not know why the woman's breasts would be in a barrel rolling over then away from him.

I normally think of bulbous noses, not bulbous salutations.

I just put 'bulbous salutation' into google and saw a bunch of links telling me that 'Morrisey has won the 23rd annual Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Award' - and apparently that line is in his first book.

Hmm -


WTF?


NSFW: (view spoiler)




message 28: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
Heather wrote: "sraxe wrote: "Guys, I know the new-hatched thing is seriously wtflol...but why are we not addressing Eliza's breasts barrel-rolling...??"

It was too much to address at once! But yeah, I think I to..."


I guess?? Since he mentions his "bulbous salutation" is smacking every part of her body "except for the otherwise central zone"?? (Also, I never want to hear complaints about female authors using poetic or flowery euphemisms to describe sexual parts when this dude is calling it the "central zone" lol. At least I think that's what he's referring to.)


message 29: by Lexxi Kitty (new)

Lexxi Kitty (LexxiKitty) | 315 comments


message 30: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
Lexxi Kitty wrote: "Not actually sure what barrel rolling is actually. Vague recollection of being in a diner in Richmond and someone telling me that they used to roll barrels of tobacco down to the port. Then there are those images from cartoons of someone stuffing barrels full of gun-powder and rolling the barrels at people. I assume Ezra is a cannibal. I, otherwise, do not know why the woman's breasts would be in a barrel rolling over then away from him."

I'm not sure if, when he's using "barrel- roll" he means to describe when a barrel is rolled down a hill...or, like, a barrel roll:



Because imagine her doing that across his mouth...


message 31: by Lexxi Kitty (last edited Jul 12, 2017 10:50AM) (new)

Lexxi Kitty (LexxiKitty) | 315 comments sraxe wrote: "Because imagine her doing that across his mouth... "

Wouldn't that hurt?

I mean, she'd have to go quite fast to roll her body over and over, her breasts bounce against his face as she barrel rolled over him. I'd imagine that after she was done she'd look down and see that his face was a bloody mess.

---
My bulbous salutation plunged into her central zone; she screamed 'GET THAT OUT OF MY BELLY BUTTON!' I ignored her.

roll, whack, roll, whack, roll *her breasts smacked into me in a barrel roll. I'd drunk fifteen shots of vodka before she started, so it was only on the 30th roll when the alcohol induced numbness faded to extreme pain. Reluctantly I pulled out of her central zone, the pain from her enormous meaty melons attacking my porcelain face was just too much. Even though I'd pulled away, she continued whacking away at my black and blue face. When she did finally stop, I looked in the mirror. Red streaked, purple bruised, black and blue face. I think my nose is broken.
---


message 32: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
Lexxi Kitty wrote: "sraxe wrote: "Because imagine her doing that across his mouth... "

Wouldn't that hurt?

I mean, she'd have to go quite fast to roll her body over and over, her breasts bounce against his face as ..."


lollll. Reading this, and also really starting to try and understand the line, this is now sounding more like an erotic fighting game, in which, along with her regular punches and kicks, you use her breasts to fight, than a sex scene.


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
Seriously, when this shit exists, flowery writing is looking pretty good.


 ᴍɪᴄs ✖amante de los spoilers✖ (micsmarshall) | 100 comments I loved the article, it made me smile 😊😊😊


I love reading romance because (aside from God) is the only thing that makes me happy when I feel everything is too much😊


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
ᴍɪᴄs ✖amante de los spoilers✖ wrote: "I loved the article, it made me smile 😊😊😊


I love reading romance because (aside from God) is the only thing that makes me happy when I feel everything is too much😊"


That's so nice! ^_^


 ᴍɪᴄs ✖amante de los spoilers✖ (micsmarshall) | 100 comments WOW I didn't know that romance is the genre which sells more.

My sister writes romance (she upload her stories in wattpad) and she always gets mean comments from misogynist people.


message 37: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
I just saw this on Twitter and this seemed like the perfect thread to share it:

"If female writers wrote characters of the opposite sex like male writers do"




Nenia ✨ Queen of Literary Trash, Protector of Out-of-Print Gems, Khaleesi of Bodice Rippers, Mother of Smut, the Unrepentant, Breaker of Convention ✨ Campbell (neniacampbell) | 3028 comments Mod
Heather *live on coffee and flowers* wrote: "Dude!

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i..."


Lol omg. I lost it after the second one.

I wish these were full length.

...tee hee. 'Full length.'


message 40: by Lexxi Kitty (new)

Lexxi Kitty (LexxiKitty) | 315 comments sraxe wrote: "I just saw this on Twitter and this seemed like the perfect thread to share it:

"If female writers wrote characters of the opposite sex like male writers do"

"


I have seen that in fiction books I read. I don't recall if male or female author. They are the kind of books where the male character also has conversations with his penis.

He walked down the street leaning towards the right, a large bulge visible sliding down towards his right knee.

"Now Frank, you know I have to go left. Why are you always dragging me to the right? Stop that."


Personally, when I saw something like that, it took me forever to figure out that the man was talking to his penis and not a ferret he was keeping in his pants pocket.


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
Lol, you've clearly been reading smut ;)

I shared it in Bookish BAMFs a while back. It's hilarious but frighteningly accurate!


message 42: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
Heather *live on coffee and flowers* wrote: "Dude!

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/i..."


lol I looooooove it!

"He sucked in his tummy and pulled his pecs up high, trying to present them like pastries in a bakery window."


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
Lexxi Kitty wrote: "sraxe wrote: "I just saw this on Twitter and this seemed like the perfect thread to share it:

"If female writers wrote characters of the opposite sex like male writers do"

"

I have seen that in ..."


I would think it was some kind of rodent too. Sliding down towards his right knee? SOMETHING IS WRONG, SIR.


message 44: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
Another one I saw recently being posted online and I'd like to share:



https://twitter.com/sapphixy/status/9...

Roxane Gay wrote a review about the book, too: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
An... anemone? But... but...



And here's one curled up, or "bunkered down."



DOES NOT COMPUTE


Heather *Awkward Queen and Unicorn Twin* (heather_crews) | 1347 comments Mod
"Her labia minora were like cute little clownfish."


Nenia ✨ Queen of Literary Trash, Protector of Out-of-Print Gems, Khaleesi of Bodice Rippers, Mother of Smut, the Unrepentant, Breaker of Convention ✨ Campbell (neniacampbell) | 3028 comments Mod
"He tangled his fingers in her anemone and lost himself in the briny sting of her salt-sea venom."


message 49: by Lexxi Kitty (new)

Lexxi Kitty (LexxiKitty) | 315 comments anemone woman is just 14. I liked the tweet that asked if the author described everyone's genitals in great detail.


message 50: by sraxe, Regency Rogue (new)

sraxe | 1206 comments Mod
I personally quite liked this tweet:



https://twitter.com/PrairiePhlox/stat...

Lexxi Kitty wrote: "anemone woman is just 14. I liked the tweet that asked if the author described everyone's genitals in great detail."

Oh ew on the first part. And I'd like to know the answer to your second sentence, too!


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