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Archived Workshop No New Posts > Blurb Critique/Historical Christian Fiction

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message 1: by Kathryn (new)

Kathryn Collett | 6 comments I would very much appreciate comments and critiques on these two pieces of promo copy. Thank you in advance for your input!

This is what I have in mind for the cover copy for the series:

Phoebe, a beautiful, but headstrong teenager, is determined to salvage her beloved father’s legacy. After conquering her immediate challenges of maintaining her family’s livelihood, the Apostle Paul chooses young Phoebe to serve as his unlikely emissary on a nearly 1000-mile journey to Rome.

And this is the blurb for book 1:

In this first book in the Phoebe’s Journeys series, Of Passion And Pride, Phoebe is a teenager living near Corinth, Greece in the small shipping village of Cenchrae. When her father dies unexpectedly, Phoebe finds herself at the center of a power struggle. Although she is only sixteen-years-old, headstrong Phoebe is determined to protect her father’s legacy and retain ownership of her family’s lucrative Greek shipping agency, regardless of the roadblocks she encounters.

Evil jealousies, long-held resentments, and the morés of Roman society conspire against her. Even Phoebe’s lifelong friends and family have their doubts and shake her resolve. Phoebe begins to question what she can believe and who she can trust.

Meanwhile, just north of Phoebe’s hometown of Cenchrae, the Apostle Paul is working in Corinth with fellow tentmakers, Priscilla and Aquila. Paul is struggling to make ends meet and fund his next mission. When their paths cross, an unlikely partnership is formed between Paul and Phoebe.

This richly imagined backstory of the woman Paul called “worthy of honor among God’s people,” and chose to be his emissary to Rome, brings texture and nuance to first-century life in the Roman Empire. Corinth is no longer just an ancient city on a musty map. You’ll experience the cosmopolitan excitement and the debauchery of the Agora marketplace. You’ll meet soldiers, servants, and gladiators who all have important roles in Phoebe’s world. You’ll enter the hushed halls of Proconsul Gallio’s villa and hear him debate the Apostle Paul, using techniques taught to him by his father, philosopher Seneca the Great.

Suddenly, life at all levels of society from the mariners to the merchants, from the synagogue leaders to the `Corinthian girls’ is real.

Phoebe’s Journey, Of Passion And Pride, is sure to capture your imagination and enhance your understanding of the life and culture in New Testament times.


message 2: by Anna Faversham (new)

Anna Faversham (AnnaFaversham) | 309 comments If you are planning for this to be an ebook on Amazon, you may like to make some alterations, although for a paperback or hard cover, there may be room for all you've written.

This sounds like it is going to be a very special and interesting book but blurbs of this length are usually cut short, so it is better for you to do that than have it cut off at, for example, 600-800 characters in the middle of a sentence.


message 3: by Kathryn (new)

Kathryn Collett | 6 comments Thanks, Anna. I had written this much shorter, then I came across a publishing site that said a blurb should be 300-500 words. I'll go back to the 100 word version.


message 4: by Kathryn (new)

Kathryn Collett | 6 comments Maybe this?

When her father dies, young Phoebe vows to protect his legacy. Determined to retain ownership of her family’s lucrative Greek shipping agency, Phoebe’s resolve is tested by friends, family, and evil forces conspiring against her.

Meanwhile, a few miles north in the city of Corinth, the Apostle Paul is struggling to make ends meet and fund his next mission. When their paths cross, an unlikely partnership is formed.

From the mariners to the merchants, from the synagogue leaders to the `Corinthian girls,’ first-century Greece comes alive in this richly imagined backstory of the woman Paul called “worthy of honor among God’s people,” and chose as his emissary to Rome.


message 5: by Anna Faversham (new)

Anna Faversham (AnnaFaversham) | 309 comments I think you should keep the longer version somewhere safe and ready for use when needed and for picking over to extract bits for later use.

Shorter version - brilliant! The first sentence had me intrigued, the second answered it but then expanded my questioning - what are these evil forces? (Ssshh... don't tell!)

The last para answers my 'is she going to tell them this is mostly fiction - because she should?' And you answered that so well!


message 6: by Kathryn (new)

Kathryn Collett | 6 comments Thank you so much, Anna! Let me know if I can ever return a favor.
Kathryn


message 7: by Marie Silk (new)

Marie Silk | 715 comments The shorter version looks fantastic imo. I don't tend to read blurbs that are longer than 3 short paragraphs so that one would definitely work for me.

RE the original paragraph at the top for the cover copy: the grammar might need some work on the last sentence because it is written like the Apostle Paul is the one who conquered the challenges. I think it would need to be rewritten this way:

After conquering her immediate challenges of maintaining her family’s livelihood, young Phoebe is chosen by the Apostle Paul as his unlikely emissary on a nearly 1000-mile journey to Rome.

Good luck with your book!


message 8: by Kathryn (new)

Kathryn Collett | 6 comments You're right about the grammar on that paragraph. I'll modify it.


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