Support for Indie Authors discussion

note: This topic has been closed to new comments.
51 views
Archived > Blurb Thoughts? Content, Length ...

Comments (showing 1-8 of 8) (8 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Joe (new)

Joe Stadtmiller | 7 comments Title:Those We Touch Along the Way (Fiction)
Subtitle: Love, Life … Baseball and the Forgotten War

Back cover Blurb: A story about love, baseball and the Korean War, an average man’s pursuit of glory … the true meaning of magnificence.

James Ranelli Sr. was a revered athlete and decorated soldier killed during the Second World War. Attempting to fill the void of his father’s loss, Jim Jr. sets out to attain his father’s accomplishments. When he returns home from the Korean War, it’s just another failure in a life full of second place finishes. In a rapidly changing world seemingly without hope, he searches for the meaning of life in all the wrong places. After a love affair with his longtime girlfriend falters, they reconnect. He decides to coach an American Legion baseball team, beginning a quest to become the finest coach in Pennsylvania’s Wyoming Valley.

This is a story about a veteran soldier and the woman who stands by him. Jim Ranelli is a man who loves coaching so much that it almost destroys his marriage. He learns what it’s like to put everything you have into something and repeatedly fail. Most of us know the feeling, but how many of us learn what matters most?


message 2: by Dwayne, Captain Whatever (new)

Dwayne Fry | 3193 comments Mod
Um... I don't say this often when critiquing blurbs, but I'm interested in buying your book. I guess it worked on me!


message 3: by Joe (new)

Joe Stadtmiller | 7 comments Dwayne, thanks so much for your input, the MS for the book is complete and I'm working on making some changes to the cover. I hope to publish this summer.


message 4: by Jane (new)

Jane Jago | 941 comments It's good and interesting


message 5: by Angel (new)

Angel | 244 comments Good luck on your book!


message 6: by Michael (new)

Michael Bellik | 12 comments Joe wrote: "Title:Those We Touch Along the Way (Fiction)
Subtitle: Love, Life … Baseball and the Forgotten War

Back cover Blurb: A story about love, baseball and the Korean War, an average man’s pursuit of gl..."


Sounds like a good story your telling us about, but it doesn't seem like it accomplishes what the synopsis is intended to do in my opinion. Describe the set up, conflict, and resolution(without giving away the story) with impact. The shorter the blurb, but yet still getting the point across, the better. Kind of like a bunch of log line style writing catches my eye. But that's just my opinion.
I did a brief rewrite as best as I could without knowing the story.

A story about love, baseball and the Korean War, an average man’s pursuit of glory …

Attempting to fill the void of his father’s loss, Jim Ranelli Jr. struggles to attain his father’s accomplishments. Jim Sr., a revered athlete and decorated soldier set the bar high, leaving an insurmountable task for his son who is now on a collision course with disaster. His return home from war brings no solace to an already fragile affair with the love of his life. Just another failure, in a string of many, drives Jim Jr. to search for answers... but in all the wrong places.
Ride along and identify with what it’s like to put everything you have into something, yet only to fail. We all have, but how many of us will learn if that failure is truly a lack of success?


message 7: by Joe (new)

Joe Stadtmiller | 7 comments Many thanks to everyone who commented.

Michael, I agree with your assessment and am in the process of making some improvements. I have reviewed a number of tips for writing a cover synopsis that support your comments. I am working on the weak points. Thanks again.


message 8: by Michael (new)

Michael Bellik | 12 comments Joe wrote: "Many thanks to everyone who commented.

Michael, I agree with your assessment and am in the process of making some improvements. I have reviewed a number of tips for writing a cover synopsis that s..."


Joe, The most important thing is you have a good concept going. It's all about the story. Even if Faulkner or McCarthey wrote a crappy story it will always be a crappy story, just well written.
Lookin forward to checkin out you work when you get it published. MB


back to top
This topic has been frozen by the moderator. No new comments can be posted.