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[edge]

i am just so tired of being his mom. he's a grown up man and can think for himself.

[edge]

but HELL do i love that stupid idiot i just wish my heart didn't stoop that low

[edge]

Lillian wrote: "You're welcome. Oh, really? Dude you're awesome. People are missing out."

i love you dude

[edge]

i didn't see you replyyyyyyy why do i have to refresh this stupid page every time

[edge]

anyway. im not talking to him. let's see how far my pride can get me

[edge]

it used to be me and him against the world and that everyone EVERY FUCKING PERSON sucks (except you Lillian, love) but now he's part of everyone who sucks so it's just me and Lillian

[edge]

my life would significantly get better if i owned a jet plane

[edge]

edge wrote: "anyway. im not talking to him. let's see how far my pride can get me"

19 minutes after i declared this i bitCHASS TEXTED HIM TO APOLOGIZE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY HEAD

[edge]

i sent like 100 fucking "Hi"s

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bitchass deleting them. a disgrace, that's what i am

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my mom's pervert boyfriend opened the bathroom door when my pants were down.

[edge]

this is the second time he's done that and im incredibly frustrated and mad because my mom wont kick him out of the house

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i mean he fucking tried to rape me countless times

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and i cant say anything cause my mom's gonna think im a slut anyway

[edge]

she knows what he's done to me ok ive told her a thousand fucking times that HER BOYFRIEND IS A PERVERT

[edge]

i hate my fucking life i wish i was dead

[edge]

maybe if he rapes and kills me, she'll still defend him nevertheless

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Thank you lil.

[Hallie]

Lillian wrote: "I want to kill him. Can I kill him, pleeeeeeeease? I have a very nice, very sharp butcher's knife set. :)"

Can I help?

[edge]

Hallie wrote: "Lillian wrote: "I want to kill him. Can I kill him, pleeeeeeeease? I have a very nice, very sharp butcher's knife set. :)"

Can I help?"

thank you :) yes you can but don't lol. i don't recommend murder. except for myself.

[edge]

anyway. i've decided to leave home. boyfriend says give it a week if i change my mind. cute but i've made up my mind. i hate this house. i have enough money. i have a stable-ish job. college is free. food and rent of this apartment i'm planning to move in are cheap. i'm closer to my best friend, justine. and my mental stability would be, well, stable. ish.

[edge]

but am i too young lil? im just 18. do i buy a whole block of knives?

[edge]

do i have enough money to dabble in stock investments?

[edge]

Lillian wrote: "Im looking at buying a house with my grandma, so I say no. And my mom was out of the house by 17. And from my perspective, you need to get out of the toxic environment of your house. Buy knives fro..."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh dam
yo mama such a badass

[edge]

Lillian wrote: "I wouldn't do stock it's always a gamble."

um yes!

[edge]

I AM SUCH IN A HAPPY MOOD RN. AND IT'S BEEN HAPPENING SO MUCH MORE FREQUENTLY THAN EVER. i guess it really works letting go of the angers in your heart

[edge]

*sudden sense of impending doom*

[edge]

[edge]

i am going to enjoy this moment. savor it. i bought mosquito lotion. i am content and satisfied.

[edge]

my boyfriend is amazing. he's fat and squishy and amazing. my life sucks but it's gonna get better and amazing. my job is amazing. my school is amazing. i mean everything is so much less sucky than usual.

[edge]

i really think it's just the mosquito lotion

[edge]

maybe it's the freedom represented by the mosquito lotion.

[edge]

i am just so tired of being sad all the time. FUCK YOU SADNESS AND DEPRESSION. THIS IS MY LIFE. I DO WHAT I WANT AND I WANT MOSQUITO LOTION

[edge]

And maybe some fries. and white chocolate ice cream i bought earlier. GOSH shopping feels so liberating

[edge]

the perfect cardio

[edge]

thrift shop attendants are my new best friends

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griffen says i need to maybe slow down in shopping. BITCH guess whattttttt yes you're right and i have no savings i am such a terrible accountant

[edge]

as a feminist, i never thought i would say this but i really need this stupid man in my life

[edge]

i need to stop being addicted to discord and focus on my rusty portuguese

[edge]

i am so exhausted dude like. i have a job, i have school. both demand so much from me and i have nothing to give anymore. i am so drained like i just wanna disappear from the face of the earth if it didnt have consequences. gawd i feel like im gonna snap anytime now idk im not depressed im not suicidal im just




idk

[edge]

i wanna get back on track but the train is so far away and i have no more energy to run after it

[edge]

i broke up with my boyfriend cause idk. i was interested in someone else? i cant give him time anymore? i fell out of love? he yelled at me? my fault? his fault? idk. idk anything anymore. i mean we still keep in touch. i talk to him like usual but there are boundaries he always tries to cross

[edge]

idk. all i know is that i am so f exhausted. i took a beach trip in hopes of rejuvenating or whatever but everything's stayed the same. im still tired.

[edge]

i wanna cry but i dont even have the energy to cry anymore. i wanna sleep but i know i have shit to do. ive missed 2 cost accounting lessons and we have a 10-item 30-step exercise due in 2 days.




and im here on goodreads ranting about it

[edge]

i failed 2 quizzes, 1 exam and im pretty sure my mom's gonna be pretty ticked about it. fuck me. i wanna hurl myself off a cliff

[edge]

idk what to do idk what i need to solve this stupid problem. i just wanna bang my head against the wall

[edge]

i wish i could divide my body in 2

[edge]

oh shit btw i just turned 19 like 4 days ago. yay adulting

[edge]

i am falling down the rabbit hole

[edge]

my grades are dropping. :)
i left my boyfriend. :)
and i havent reached my work quota. :)
i dont wanna do anything in my life anymore :)


i just
wanna
sleep
forever