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Journals : A > Another derailing story

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message 1: by Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (last edited Jun 05, 2017 03:40PM) (new)

Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Hi all! I'm new! I want to get into writing this summer but first I wanted to find a nice group! <3

I'm an 18yo girl, I like reading, writing, singing, art, poetry, wasting time on netflix. I'm pretty chill. About to be a freshman in college

I have something like a whimsical personality, so I can be pretty silly, ^o^ but heartfelt too. It's nice to meet you all!
I'm happy to meet new writing buddies, and reading buddies too if it's possible.

I guess I have an idyllic view of the world, a lot of times it all feels surreal or somehow, too real. I ask, what’s your story? Sometimes I worry I don’t have any understanding of humanity’s people. Always wonder if my mind is very odd, or extraordinarily ordinary, or anything at all compared to the next person’s and although that doesn’t matter, I do want to learn how other others think and what their inner-dialogue sounds like. Even if they do think it’s ordinary. I want to know you, and I want to be your friend.


message 2: by Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (last edited Jun 06, 2017 08:48PM) (new)

Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments I can no longer connect with anyone anymore because I have nothing to connect. I don't really have a personality anymore. Well, maybe I do. But I've spent so much time convincing myself that I had none so now I can't recognize what one is.

I swear I'm allergic to sadness. My eyes start watering and I sneeze. Right now I can't stop sneezing


message 3: by Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (last edited Jun 06, 2017 08:48PM) (new)

Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Why do I look so young!? :sob: All the times I've tried to ask people out I've been met with a "How old are you?" I AM FRUSTRATE


message 4: by emilie.❤ (new)

emilie.❤ (emiliekate) | 19 comments I get the "looking too young" thing as well. All the time at work I'll have people ask if I'm still in high school, then after revealing my age they immediately ask if I'm married and have kids. ??? It's pretty brave of you to ask people out in spite of that though!


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Oh that's hilarious xD But I'm sorry that must get frustrating! And lol I'm hardly brave ^.^ But thank you :) That makes me feel better ^.^


message 6: by Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (last edited Jun 07, 2017 05:52PM) (new)

Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Symptom of anxiety or even OCD that I thought for the longest time was just my ridiculous unusual mind--but it's not! And it's not your fault

Intrusive thoughts, you might have them.

Sometimes we think of something but for the exact reason that we wouldn't want to have that thought--a disturbing image, the thought to hurt someone, the thought to see someone in a certain way.

I get really uncomfortable, absolutely crushing thoughts that ruin just about everything I care about. (Most of the time, each thought itself is not horribly horrible but collectively they have extreme power over me). So whenever they come up, I'll say to myself a sweet-sounding, innocuous word that curbs the thought. I call them "thought deflectors". I especially like the words "peanut butter." Even though it only really ever lasts a second, a thought deflector at least lets me feel like I'm in control of my own mind.

But if you're dealing with it, know that it's not your fault. See it/hear it, say this is a thought that I'm thinking. It's just a thought. And let it roll back out.


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Whenever I try to read I start getting these questions--

Am I understanding everything I'm reading? If I'm not, or if I'm not understanding most of what I'm reading at all then how is this meaningful? Am I still improving myself as a person if I read too quickly that I might miss something? If I read too slowly will I have time in my life to read all that I should?

Am I holding myself back from being able to do this much more effectively and enjoyably? How would I even know?
Do I like reading? Am I reading for the sake of reading? Or just to have done it? WHAT ARE THE IMPLICATIONS IF IT'S THE LATTER!?

Why does it matter to enrich myself and my life? And why would it matter if I'm not happy at all for all that time? What does it mean to have a good life? What do I even want?


message 8: by [deleted user] (new)

you're not 18. You're still turning 18 this August. So technically, you're 17.


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments - ̗̀ le trouble ̖́- wrote: "you're not 18. You're still turning 18 this August. So technically, you're 17."

Technically yes :)


message 10: by [deleted user] (new)

Advanced happy birthday, tho.


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Thanks Edge!! <3


message 12: by [deleted user] (new)

yw


message 13: by Artsy (new)

Artsy  | 372 comments Sorry for intruding, but reading through your journal, it seems that you and i think a lot alike in terms of thinking about humanity and how others think and whatnot.


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Artsy wrote: "Sorry for intruding, but reading through your journal, it seems that you and i think a lot alike in terms of thinking about humanity and how others think and whatnot."

You're not intruding at all ^.^ And yay~ It's not often that I find a like-mind <3 I'm excited ^o^


message 15: by [deleted user] (new)

OHHH O.O

there's a "<3"

i'm shipping you both.


message 16: by Artsy (new)

Artsy  | 372 comments Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) wrote: "Artsy wrote: "Sorry for intruding, but reading through your journal, it seems that you and i think a lot alike in terms of thinking about humanity and how others think and whatnot."

You're not int..."


Ikr! Most people don't seem to understand the way i think. Its cool to find someone who does.


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments There's always that one friend that ships everyone xD

And aww Artsy <3 That means a lot ^.^


message 18: by [deleted user] (new)

another "<3".

-3-


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments I can't stop it xD <3


message 20: by Ahana~ (new)

Ahana~  (kingahana) | 1706 comments Hey! I found your journal!!


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Ahana!! ^o^ YAY~ it's nice to see you! <3


message 22: by Ahana~ (new)

Ahana~  (kingahana) | 1706 comments Nice to see you too!! :D


message 23: by lorien (new)

lorien | 3371 comments Man. Everyone I know of seems to be in this group. XD Hey Miss Ahana!


message 24: by Ahana~ (new)

Ahana~  (kingahana) | 1706 comments Hey Miss Lorien! :)


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments All the cute people ^.^


message 26: by Ahana~ (new)

Ahana~  (kingahana) | 1706 comments Haha!!!


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Lillian wrote: "With how you look younger than you really are; I look at least 4+ older than I really am."

I'm jealous >.<


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments And though I crave warm cuddles and an intimate loving friend that I can kiss while feeling cherished
I don't want any man or boy touching my weak petite body
And I don't like being called beautiful or pretty because people have only called me that when they've wanted something from me.
And I'll tell you now this form is not me.
There's a glaring truth again--
That I wasn’t supposed to be born with little hands and little feet
And I wasn’t supposed to be born with narrow wrists you can crack with a single twist
And I wasn’t supposed to be born with a face like a weary doll

Women too that call me annoying for my caution
It's not my pretty, it's my weakness.
I am punished for my weakness.
They don't see the person, they see the prey.
Not a pretty prey
A crippled prey.

A brush, a kiss, and then a push.


message 29: by Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (last edited Jun 15, 2017 04:02PM) (new)

Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments I do want someone to say I love you to~


message 30: by Ashlee (new)

Ashlee (LadyFireheart9294) Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) wrote: "Why do I look so young!? :sob: All the times I've tried to ask people out I've been met with a "How old are you?" I AM FRUSTRATE"

I get this as well :/ I'm 25 and am told too many times I look as though I am 16.


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Lillian! ^.^ <3


message 32: by edge (new)

edge  (baconnnnnnnnnn) | 4996 comments DHAMMA!!!!


Alia ~you are not your anxiety~ (aliaongoodreads) | 1704 comments *quietly slips in* XD

I'm like Lillian; most people believe that I'm way older than I actually am. That's mainly due to my height, haha. But I understand the opposite problem as well because my close friends have it often.

Anyway, hi. Where are my manners?! XD I'm Alia, and I've been on GR since September, but just recently joined this group. I so understand what you're talking about in this awesome journal, especially the questions you ask yourself when reading one. I overthink things a ton, haha.

*waves at Ahana and Lorien* Hello :D *whispers to everyone else* I know them from my main roleplay group here :)


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments EDGE!!!!


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Hi Alia! Your name is so pretty! Aww it's nice to meet you, and thank you, you're so sweet~ Overthinkers unite xD
<3<3<3


Alia ~you are not your anxiety~ (aliaongoodreads) | 1704 comments Aww thanks so much!! :) So is yours! :D Nice to meet you too, haha lol thanks for the friend request :)


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Ofc ^o^ And that's a beautiful picture of a wave!!
<3


message 40: by Ahana~ (new)

Ahana~  (kingahana) | 1706 comments ALIA!!! DELPHI!!! KAVY!!!


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments AHANA!!! 🤗


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments It's ok ^.^ I got busy too~


message 44: by [deleted user] (last edited Jun 28, 2017 09:59AM) (new)

I'm almost 20 and I look like a teenager.

Hi, I'm Shine!


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Shine! <3 that's a cute name ^.^


message 46: by Ahana~ (new)

Ahana~  (kingahana) | 1706 comments Hey!


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments <3 <3


message 48: by edge (new)

edge  (baconnnnnnnnnn) | 4996 comments DHAMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


Delphinia (Dhamma ✿) (dhammarune) | 686 comments Edge!! How are you?


Alia ~you are not your anxiety~ (aliaongoodreads) | 1704 comments Delphinia: Thanks haha! :)


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