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Authors > Seeking readers for Vampire noir fantasy - Full novel (95k words) - Perks offered!

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message 1: by Adam (new)

Adam Thielen | 8 comments I wish I would have tried to find beta readers for my first book, so I'm giving it a try this time. I don't expect you to be an editor, only to enjoy it or loathe it, and give me reasons why. I would appreciate pointing out any plot holes or clear cut mistakes. If the blurb below interests you, let me know either here or at

Perks. I cannot offer money at this time, but I'd like to credit anyone who beta reads for free at the end of the book (with a URL if requested [of reasonable length/relevance]), though you can opt out if you wish. I can also provide a PDF of my first book, Visceral. If you provide large crucial changes, I may be able to send you a paperback copy of the finished product.

I hope none of this is against the rules, will edit my post if so, just let me know.

About Integral:

Alive since before the Great Collapse, Matthias and Frank are coasting through life as agents for the Noxcorp investigations division when a strange murder jeopardizes nocturnals’ place in the new world order. Polar opposites, the two vampires must work together to find the real killer else face the wrath of the council.

Charles is a warden of the university tasked with recovering one of its students, one of its prisoners, one of its mages. But Sandra is no ordinary mage. Her body defies the laws of physics, and she has been preparing for this moment for her entire life.

Paths cross when the university requests the assistance of Noxcorp. But when the agents discover that Sandra had outside help, a simple fugitive recovery quickly turns complicated, and all four find themselves caught in the middle of a deadly power grab.

All the while, a darker malignancy grows, showing itself only in strange dreams and machinations, waiting for its moment to rise again.

message 2: by S.J. (new)

S.J. Hosken (goodreadscomsjhosken) | 16 comments Hi, Adam.

What sort of time frame are you looking at? And is it necessary to read Visceral first, or are they stand alone reads?


message 3: by Adam (last edited May 28, 2017 03:37PM) (new)

Adam Thielen | 8 comments Integral takes place about 20 years before Visceral, and because it was written AFTER, they aren't reliant on each other, though some characters appear in both.

I'd like to move forward in publishing in a couple weeks, but I can delay if necessary, because the long game here is to finish a four part series before I worry too much about marketing and such.

message 4: by Zellie (new)

Zellie | 5 comments Hi Adam thats one hell of a genre to take on what is the sub-genre please?

message 5: by Kathy (new)

Kathy Golden | 292 comments Mod
Hi, Adam,

Do you have an excerpt available?

message 6: by Adam (new)

Adam Thielen | 8 comments Zellie wrote: "Hi Adam thats one hell of a genre to take on what is the sub-genre please?"

I think that would probably be the sub-genre, with urban fantasy as the main. Most elements of the book are captured by the blurb.

message 7: by Adam (last edited May 29, 2017 10:38AM) (new)

Adam Thielen | 8 comments Kathy wrote: "Hi, Adam,

Do you have an excerpt available?"

I've sent out the first 5-20 pages so many times, let me see if I can find something more interesting without spoiling too much:

Warning, some language:

A shadowy figure danced around the nightclub. Its eyes bloodshot with pupils filling the irises, he turned his attention from one patron to the next. The creature’s vision locked onto a target and the edges of its mouth turned sharply upward. It sank into a barstool and waited.
      The target looked to be in his late twenties. He stood at a high table with two other young men, drinking and shouting over the music. Occasionally he would wave over a member of the opposite sex. After an hour, two women had joined them. The man ordered shots of whatever drink would inebriate them the fastest.
      After what seemed an eternity, the man stumbled off to the restroom. The stalker pried itself from the seat and slinked along behind him. One other patron stood at a urinal, and the man entered and stepped up to the porcelain near the far wall. The dark figure entered the light of the room, revealing itself to be a wiry, pale-skinned man wearing a black turtleneck shirt and denim pants. He waited near the door, next to a sink.
      The other patron approached the sink and the vampire smiled at him, gleefully showing off his fangs. At this the patron decided his hands were actually clean enough, pivoting toward the door and walking briskly out of the restroom.
      The vampire’s prey audibly groaned, paying no heed to his stalker as his stream splashed against the cake. The nightstalker reached out his hand and swiped down the light switch. Darkness enveloped the pair.
      “Oi brolio, what the hell?” the drunken man yelled, then chuckled. “Can’t see my cock ’n balls!”
      “I need to see it,” the vampire hissed.
      “It doesn’t fuckin’ glow in the dark!”
      “Your aura,” he said with a lilt. “It’s perfect.”
      “Ooooh kay, I’m out,” the man replied. “Just turn on the light.”
      The man suddenly felt hands curl around his arms, fingertips pressing into the biceps.
      “Hey, get the hell off me!”
      He tried to turn, but the vampire’s strength held him fast. Sharp teeth pushed against his neck. The man called for help, but no one could see him in the dark, and no one could hear him over the pounding music.


Matthias sat across the desk from Terrence Blist, his longtime handler and captain of the Noxcorp investigative division in Kansas City. Because KC was the home of the vampire council headquarters, that made Blist the most important captain in the most heavily scrutinized ID under council command.
      While Noxcorp, the corporate front of the vampire council, technically had jurisdiction only over the Northeast region of the former state of Kansas, they still maintained offices throughout the midwest, along with a special few in major coastal cities. Each office had arrangements with the regional corporations to conduct investigations related to vampire affairs.
      All this made Blist a fairly well-known, if not important, vampire. Many of his predecessors had gone on to cushy consultancies or even appointed as a replacement to a departing council member. But because of scrutiny from other corporations and the council, he was also constantly under pressure to resolve cases in a way favorable to all parties. He had to preserve the image of vampires as benign recluses while protecting nocturnals from persecution by executives that would use them as props or patsies. It was not an easy job.
      Matthias kept all of this in mind as he sat across from his boss. Blist thumbed through a few screens on his desk’s display, then thumbed back.
      “You do good work, Matthias, and it is appreciated,” said Blist coldly.
      “Thank you, sir.”
      “Most of your cases get closed out fairly quickly. You cover your bases. You cover your ass. Most of these look good.”
      “Most,” noted Matthias.
      “I’ve got a case here where we took a deposition of a young woman who claims to fraternize with a vampire named Leonard.” Blist cleared his throat. “Leonard allegedly made wild claims of turning mages into vampires.”
      “Your only notes say that Leonard was not found at his apartment, and that the woman no longer, quote, has time for his bullshit, unquote,” Blist looked up from his desk.
      “That’s correct.”
      Blist folded his hands. “The case isn’t closed and these notes are two weeks old. For some cases that’s fine, but not for something like this.”
      Matthias couldn’t help but scoff. “There’s nothing to this. I’ve tried--”
      Blist interrupted again. “Find Leonard. Figure it out. Close the case. No other casework until this is resolved. We don’t fuck around on these types of allegations.”
      “I don’t have any leads.”
      “Go back to the woman,” Terrence looked back on his screen. “Emily something. You really didn’t take this seriously.” Blist shook his head. “Lucky for you, a new transfer came in and needs to get acclimated to our fine city. I’ve called him in to work with you on this.”
      Now the boss had gone too far. It was one thing to call him into his office, fake praise him, ambush him with criticism, and then make demands about a case that was nothing but wild allegations, but Matthias would not stand for getting stuck with a partner… again. Literally, he would not stand. He continued to sit.
      “Blist. Come on.”
      “Don’t want to hear it. Get out.”
      “Who is it?”
      Matthias remembered he didn’t really care about his job or his life in particular and shrugged. He stood and left. He passed by his desk without stopping and went for the elevator. A repairman knelt in front of the panel and seemed to be in the process of disassembling the entire thing from the inside.
      “Elevator still out?” asked Matthias.
      “I should have it fixed today,” the man replied.
      “Seems like it has problems every few months.”
      “It’s these damn cheap doors,” he explained. “But that won’t be a problem anymore.”
      “Replacing them?”
      “Nah. Removing.”
      “Removing… then replacing,” Matthias speculated.
      “Just removing,” corrected the repairman. “It’s what all the corps are doing now. Saves money.”
      “You’re shitting me.”
      “Won’t that be unsafe?”
      The repairman took a small cube out of his bag and stood, shoving it in front of Matthias’s face. “This thing scans the entrance plane for any blockage--”
      “Like a human head,” Matthias suggested.
      “Ya, like a head or foot or maybe a surfboard--”
      “Right,” Matthias nodded.
      “And it sends a signal to stop,” the man finished.
      Matthias scratched his cheek. “Ok hold on.”
      “How long does it take to stop?” the vampire quizzed.
      “Depends,” started the man. “If it’s at full speed, it could be a few decimeters when traveling upward, maybe double that when heading down. You know, gravity.”
      Matthias folded his arms. “So if I push the wrong button and realize my floor is going to pass me by, and I try to dive out to catch it?”
      “I must advise you that it is unsafe to put any part of your body outside the elevator at any time while it is in motion,” the repairman recited.
      “You know, back in my day, that would be a lawsuit machine,” Matthias asserted.
      The repairman considered this, kneeling back down to continue his work. “From what I’ve read, constant litigation didn’t work out so well for your day.”
      Matthias took the stairs.

message 8: by BookWhispers (new)

BookWhispers | 22 comments Hello :) It sounds very interesting. If still looking for a beta reader, send to

message 9: by Zellie (new)

Zellie | 5 comments Adam wrote: "Zellie wrote: "Hi Adam that's one hell of a genre to take on what is the sub-genre please?"

I think that would probably be the sub-genre, with urban fantasy as the main. Most elements of the book a..."

Sounds great I'm a little booked up with four other novels but if you have a bit of time I'd like to read it. If you can please mail some est 5-10 chapters with your set of questions let's see if I'm the right fit for it?

I usually do Paranormal/YA/Romance/Contemporary and Erotica this might be a nice genre to add to my list of favorites. I have read a few nior fantasy's that I loved but still new to this specific crossover genre

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