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Authors Seeking FREE Betas > full novel, YA Fantasy/Adevnture

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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

I would like feedback on the story itself, whether or not it is interesting, makes you want to read more or you want to put it down and never read touch it again. I am open to criticism as long as it is constructive. It's about 97K words.


Seventeen-year old Ivory used to spend the majority of her free time checking for her heartbeat, confirming to herself that she is alive.

Until she comes across a mage of the Silent Temple, Zeno, who, despite his disdain for humans, grants her magic no matter her refusal. Her new-found magic once belonged to the mage Sylph, who was the original saviour of a world of magic, Alsahar, along with three others blessed with incredible gifts.

With Alsahar currently ruled by three tyrants that threaten the sanctity of the Silent Temple, it is left to the timid Ivory to travel back and forth to Alsahar and put an end to their reign with the help of a group of rebels and her fellow saviours: The Goddess, a flirtatious beauty; King, a conflicted son; and Breaker, a mischievous bandit. .

message 2: by Cindy (new)

Cindy (thoughtjumble) sure sounds interesting, i don't know if i have time to read everything right now, im super busy with school now that exams are coming up. i'll read as much as i can :))

p.s: sorry if this is stalkerly and creepy, but i read in your bio that you currently go to the university of toronto, Mississauga. it just so happens that i live in Mississauga and i've considering applying to that college. how is the school? i've heard mixed things

message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

Hi! Thanks! I am still in the middle of editing but the story will ultimately stat the same and that is where I want the primary feedback. Can you send me your email?

I do go to Mississauga and I am not surprise that you heard mix things because sometimes it depends on if you are on residents and what courses you take, etc... My personal opinion is that it is a nice university to go to. Its smaller than the main campus so easier to navigate and its a pretty friendly place all together. The food is a toss in the air you either like it or not....hardly an in between. I suggest taking a tour if you can and checking it out for yourself. Goodluck!

message 4: by Cindy (new)

Cindy (thoughtjumble) thanks! i'll check it out when they have an orientation.

my email is (ca not .com. Its a very common mistake)
my gmail is

i would prefer it if you share it with me via google docs so that i can add comments while i read (but then you will have to give me editing permission for me to add comments. i wont make any edits to your document, but its okay if you dont feel comfortable doing that)

message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

Great! I sent it to your gmail. Hope you get and I give you permission to edite as long as I can recognise those edits.

Thank you!

message 6: by Cindy (new)

Cindy (thoughtjumble) thanks, i'll be sure to read a bit of it before i go to bed

message 7: by Cindy (last edited May 24, 2017 08:28PM) (new)

Cindy (thoughtjumble) update: sorry to bother you but did you send it to the right email adresses? i keep refreshing but nothing is coming up

message 8: by [deleted user] (new)

let me try again. I hope you get it

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