Beta Reader Group discussion

40 views
Authors Seeking FREE Betas > Young Adult Fantasy / 60k word

Comments Showing 1-9 of 9 (9 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Katie (last edited May 24, 2017 10:00AM) (new)

Katie | 7 comments Hello,

I am looking for beta readers to give feedback on a Young Adult fantasy novel. If you are interested, please reply to this thread or contact me: editican@gmail.com

Here is a synopsis of the novel:

The Absent God of Bliss created nine spirits to watch over the world. Now, a spirit born in darkness has discovered a way to become a god. Calling himself the Dying God, he leads a growing army of men and fell beasts, destroying all who refuse to follow his creed.

Answering a call from the elf spirits, the young elf, Thyme of the Lea, leaves her humble settlement to journey to the fabled mage college, Biradoon. Alas, Thyme finds Biradoon in ruins and, while fleeing the desolation, is grievously wounded.

Rescued by Tinker, a young dwarf, and healed by his clan, Thyme follows the dwarves as they flee a vanguard of the monstrous horde into a maze of mysterious caverns.

In one of these caverns, she is drawn to the ruins of an ancient city, said by the dwarves to have once been the home of the last fairies. Here, Thyme meets the last king of the fairies and finds new allies, including Mouse, a young apprentice, on his own quest to find his Master, one of the legendary first four wizards. Aided by the fairies, Tinker and his clan are able to defeat the pursuing monsters and escape the caves.

Thyme, Tinker, and Mouse must then follow their own paths in the struggle against the Dying God until they are brought together again in Everhaven, the last free human city in the west, where the forces of the enemy have gathered for the final battle. In the end, the three companions will all suffer, yet all will find a great courage that will change them forever, none more so than Thyme of the Lea.

Thank you!


message 2: by Leland (new)

Leland | 31 comments FYI: I would recommend separating that wall of text into paragraphs. It's hard to read as it is.


message 3: by Cindy (new)

Cindy (thoughtjumble) ^^ i agree.

also, this could just be me but i find the that the fantasy names in a summary sometimes throws me off. And yes, i know a lot of fantasy books do this, it's not just you. However, in my opinion i think it would be better if the synopsis was a bit vaguer. too many names can be hard to keep track of

ie: "the young Field elf, Thyme of the Lea, leaves her humble settlement of Moon Path to journey to the fabled mage college of Biradoon." can be simplified to...

"the young Field elf, Thyme , leaves her humble settlement to journey to the fabled mage college of briadoon


but like i said, it could just be me (it probably is just me) dont change it unless you feel like you should.


message 4: by Gray_Jane (new)

Gray_Jane (GrayJane) | 3 comments Aurora wrote: "^^ i agree.

also, this could just be me but i find the that the fantasy names in a summary sometimes throws me off. And yes, i know a lot of fantasy books do this, it's not just you. However, in m..."


It's not just you. I love fantasy, but it always feels weird reading the made up names in a snippet or a short description. It feels natural when you're in the middle of the story, but it's off-putting out of context.


message 5: by Katie (last edited May 24, 2017 09:57AM) (new)

Katie | 7 comments Gray_Jane wrote: "Aurora wrote: "^^ i agree.

also, this could just be me but i find the that the fantasy names in a summary sometimes throws me off. And yes, i know a lot of fantasy books do this, it's not just you..."


Ok! Thanks for your input!


message 6: by Katie (last edited May 24, 2017 09:55AM) (new)

Katie | 7 comments Leland wrote: "FYI: I would recommend separating that wall of text into paragraphs. It's hard to read as it is."

Thanks for your input! I've made some changes. Do you think it's better now?


message 7: by Katie (last edited May 24, 2017 09:57AM) (new)

Katie | 7 comments Aurora wrote: "^^ i agree.

also, this could just be me but i find the that the fantasy names in a summary sometimes throws me off. And yes, i know a lot of fantasy books do this, it's not just you. However, in m..."


Good point! Thanks! I've revised the synopsis.


message 8: by [deleted user] (new)

I would definitely be interested in this


message 9: by Katie (new)

Katie | 7 comments Courtney wrote: "I would definitely be interested in this"

Cool!!! If you're still interested, email me at editican@gmail.com. :)


back to top