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Journals : Q-S > RECKLESS WRITING

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message 1: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments This journal is where I'll be posting a lot of my writing such as poems, short stories, chapters to books I'm writing, my ideas I get for writing, and maybe I'll take some prompts and do something with that.
Feel free to comment and/or give me advice, just please don't spam this journal.
I'll try to post some writing as soon as I can.
Thank you,
Erin



message 2: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments I'm going to do a random writing sprint where I'm going to write whatever flows out of me. It'll be my next comment.


message 3: by Wolf (Alpha) (new)

Wolf (Alpha) | 938 comments Sounds good. I had to do those when I was in 5th grade. I wrote some poetry once.


message 4: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments On the way to somewhere I found myself stuck in the middle of nowhere. I had tried so hard to push myself out of nowhere, but it was as if I was standing in quicksand and kept getting pulled down, unable to leave.
I wasn't sure what to think, what to say, what to do. I was just stuck.
I say was, mostly because I don't want people to worry but the truth is I'm still stuck.
I've listened to the advice. I've tried to follow it too, but after a day I stop because I get so sick and tired of trying. I want to get better, but I don't think I can. A part of me doesn't even want to.
I'm scared about next week, panic keeps entering my mind and I'm so tired of everything and everyone.
It's so hard not to push people away when your hating them and when your hating yourself. I don't even actually hate them and I know that. It's just that their voices are annoying me and so is my own.
My thoughts are too much and I've said that I wouldn't die because I've made promises and that is still true, but it sucks when the thoughts of suicide keep pounding in my head. And it sucks that the loud voice keeps getting louder. And it sucks that I keep breaking down in class. And it sucks that I'm so stuck.
I want to help others but I don't know how.
I can't even help myself.
Is that even possible anymore?
The part of me I used to love is gone
Dead.
And I can't get her back.
This is what growing up is about.
People tell me I'm mature for my age, but being mature doesn't help the pain of growing up and I know that everyone has to grow up because I can't just fly off to Neverland.
I know.
I get it.
I'm just so stuck,
And lost,
And I don't know what to do anymore.


message 5: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Wolf (Tura) wrote: "Sounds good. I had to do those when I was in 5th grade. I wrote some poetry once."

Oooh cool. I just randomly do it whenever I get the chance.


message 6: by Wolf (Alpha) (new)

Wolf (Alpha) | 938 comments I should start doing it again. I'll post it in my journel.


message 7: by Erin (last edited Feb 04, 2017 08:17PM) (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Oooh you really should!


message 8: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments So Sorry

I'm sorry
So sorry
For the way I let things go

I'm sorry
So sorry
For pushing you away

I'm sorry
So sorry
For not trying harder

I'm sorry
So sorry
For finally letting go

I'm sorry
So so sorry


message 9: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Wanting Vs Loving

Wanting and Loving,
are not the same thing.
When you want you
Can easily unwant.
When you love
It's so much harder to stop.

You see when it comes to wanting,
The thing that your wanting becomes unwanted,
As if they were just a toy you got tired of playing with.
And with that comes the unwanted feeling of loneliness that
Drives the mind mad.
Well, madder than it already is.

And you see when it comes to loving,
It's nearly impossible to stop and
Sometimes even when you wish you could you cannot
Because loving someone is hard.
Both stopping and starting
But if you really loved someone you
Wouldn't mind it.


message 10: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments An Apology

I'm sorry for being online so much it hardly
Seems like I care.
I'm sorry for making jokes about me dying that it
Seems like I'll try.

I'm sorry for making you feel like shit,
You see I make myself feel worse.
I'm sorry for making you feel so alone,
You see I feel alone all the time so it's hard to remember I'm not.

I'm sorry for lying to you,
For making all these promises that I'm not sure I can keep.
I'm sorry that you had to have me in your life
And I'm sorry that I'll never make you feel good enough.


message 11: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Once Again

All the dreams,
The plans,
The goals
Will slip away and I'll forget
Because the sadness will consume my mind,
Once again.


message 12: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Repetition of "I'm Fine"

It comes quickly,
Like poison spreading through skin
Unable to breathe,
Panic starts to consume the mind

"I'm fine."
Gets repeated so many times
"I'm fine."
Gets told as a lie.

Hands are shaking,
Looking down at them.
I'm fine, I'm fine
Repeat it until ya believe it

Hold on, don't cry now
Hold on, act like your fine now
It was as if a gun just suddenly fired from behind
The bullets hit, not bullet proof

I'm fine, I'm fine
Words are rushing out
Not making any sense
As if this was the last breath.


message 13: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments For Now, Goodbye

I didn't mean to be so weak after you had been so strong. I didn't mean to leave when you realized you needed to stay. I didn't mean to drift away. Didn't mean to say goodbye.

Oh, but this isn't the end. It's not the last goodbye. I'm still here, don't you forget. I just need a break. I need some time. It might be a week or maybe a month or even a year, but this is it for now. This is my goodbye.

One day we'll say hello again,
When that day comes just know I'm sorry for the drift I've caused
I wish I could say it won't occur but I know it will
This is my goodbye,
At least for now.


message 14: by Erin (last edited Feb 05, 2017 04:20PM) (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Na

You act like I'm perfect.
I'm not, none of us are.
Almost everytime we talk you talk about my grades,
and you blame all my stress over reading books.

BOOKS DON'T MAKE ME STRESSED,
THEY MAKE ME HAPPY,
THEY MAKE ME OKAY,
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT NOW DO YOU?

You say I can talk to you about anything, but how can I do that when you won't even listen? You don't understand them and neither do I, so when you ask your questions I can't reply. Stop asking, stop trying to help. You make me feel worse and the words "don't stress" don't stop the stress.

I could care les what you think, I honestly don't care. I do things for me because I want to be successful and all your plans for me won't work the way you want them to. They'll work for me and only me and I don't care what you say whether you're happy or not about it because has it ever occurred to you that you're not helping and your words don't make any sense?

Na, you don't even care about the real me.

You don't even want to know the real me.


message 15: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Stuck

The hellos end with lies,
But get drowned out by the overpowering goodbyes.

I keep leaving,
But always get convinced to stay.

I keep staying,
But the nerve of wanting to leave scares me everyday.

I make jokes and I try to participate
But I'm just procrastinating all the other things I need to do

And I'm stuck in the middle of a problem,
and I need help.
I need so, so, so much help
But I'm stuck and I don't even know what I need help with.

So I avoid my problems,
try to help everybody else with theirs,
I feel so useless,
I'm helping nobody

And I'm stuck
I'm screaming and shouting words inside my head
I'm writing long paragraphs and then I delete them or I throw them away.
I'm stuck and I need so much help but there isn't a single person who can help me now.

I act like I'm fine,
I'm falling apart
I act like I'm fine,
But I'm really just stuck.


message 16: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments The Cigarette Knife

Each time I hand you a cigarette,
I'm handing you a knife.
Each time you light it your sharpening that knife.
Each time you smoke it you're stabbing yourself.


message 17: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments How Can I

How can I write what I'm feeling
when I don't even know?
How can I write about what I'm feeling
when I don't want to feel?

How can I do anything when I can't even think,
when my brain is suffering from lack of sleep
and no matter how hard I try I still can't sleep?

How can I laugh and smile and pretend
like everything's alright when I keep falling
apart, when I keep wanting to give up?

How can I get through each day without passing out,
without collapsing,
without blacking out despite the dizziness I keep feeling?


message 18: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Endless Fears

Fear is something that holds us back,
yet also forces us to rise.
Fear is the questionable conclusion,
and the breathe of relief we take when it's over.
Fear is like a cage, trapping us inside,
like a cage, with weapons and torture equipment,
forcing us to run.

But what do we do with the endless fear?

They won't stop, their always there.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Always pounding in your head, the sound rising
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Your falling, you promised it wouldn't come to this
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Here it comes again, getting worse and worse
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
It's over, wouldn't you think?

No.
It's never over.
It's endless.


message 19: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments I'm Not Crazy

"I'm not crazy. If I was I wouldn't know it. This isn't crazy,"
I keep telling myself.
I'm not losing my mind to a battle of insanity,
I still got my wits,
I haven't lost myself.
I'm not crazy.

And my friends keep making jokes about being crazy because that's the way we've always been.
To us crazy is unique and weird and that's exactly what we are.
But to me, on my own, crazy is a struggle of someone nobody understood

I'm not crazy.
People are always saying they understand or that they can relate.
I'm not crazy.
If I was I wouldn't know it and I know it
I'm not crazy
I swear, I'm really not.


message 20: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments I don't love you.

I don't love you
This isn't our story
You've got somebody else who will treat you better than I ever could
Because I'm not ready, and neither are you
But this is Middle School and you don't care for the rules.

I tried so hard to get you out of my head,
To know that this isn't love,
We'll never have love.
Love isn't for us
You hardly know I exist,
and when you do I hear you making fun of me to your friends

You don't deserve me
I don't want you,
So why do my thoughts keep coming back to thoughts
Of loving you?


message 21: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Didn't Mean

I didn't mean to snap at you,
To yell at you,
To be angry at you.
I didn't mean it.
You didn't deserve it

I didn't mean for my frustration to fling out at you,
I didn't mean to raise my voice
I didn't mean to get so upset.

I didn't mean to say I have no one,
When I have you
I didn't mean to act like I hate you
It's not you I hate
I swear

I'm sorry,
But I'll never be a good enough person to say it to your face.


message 22: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Sorry About My Anxiety

It consumes my mind.

I hear you speaking,
But the words can't form.
My mind is screaming,
Screeching,
Begging for this to stop.

I'm sorry that this keeps happening,
That I stop breathing,
That I'm not speaking
That I'm such a mess
That I keep on failing.

I want to escape this moment,
But I'm stuck,
And you're trying to help so
I try to act fine
But inside I'm dying,
I'm so sorry for lying

Sorry that I let my anxiety control me


message 23: by Erin (last edited Feb 05, 2017 02:11PM) (new)

Erin | 23295 comments My Bullying Essay

Author's Note: There was this contest going on at my school. We had to write an essay using one of the prompts they gave us. This was mine.

There are many ways we can help stop bullying but just because there are so many ways doesn't mean there is an easy option. No matter what we do there will always be a bully somewhere whether it's us to ourselves or somebody else out there. I feel like a lot of us try to pretend it doesn't exist whether we notice it or not. But it does. I'm not going to pretend like I'm perfect. I have been a bully, been bullied and, have ignored them. I'm going to share steps to one way of how to stop bullying that I wish I had thought of back then but of course there are many other ways as well.

Step one: Recognize the bully. Know who the bully is and be able to spot the victim. Know the difference between a bully and someone just not liking you. If you're friend is the bully don't just ignore the fact that they are bullying someone. Stand up to them and call them out for it. From this the bully will likely have one of two reactions. One; realize that what they did was wrong and start to regret things. Or two; feel like you betrayed them. There are also many other reactions the bully could have and it mainly depends on the person who is the bully. If the bully is someone you don't know don't be afraid to stand up to them. You need to know for sure that someone is a bully and not just assume things.

Step two: Tell someone. If you see someone getting bullied help them tell someone. If you are the person who is being bullied tell someone. I get that it's hard to tell someone. I get it but it's also necessary. Adults expect children to tell a trusted adult when somebody is bullying them but they don't. Do you know why this is? They don't know how to start the conversation and so they'd rather just not speak about it. They'd rather be able to forget about it and ignore it for that one moment and so they just don't bring it up. So, even if you don't feel like you're ready tell someone. A best friend, a friend, someone, anyone. Just make sure somebody else knows what you're going through instead of keeping it all inside.

Step Three: Stand up. Stand up for yourself, stand up for someone else, just stand up. If you're scared of doing it alone then don't do it alone. Have someone with you. It won't be easy but nothing will ever be. Take your chance and stand up for yourself and stand up for who you are. Give it a shot. Have as many people with you as you want if it makes you feel more confident but stand up. Tell them what you want, what you all want: For the bully to stop being a bully. When doing this don't be a bully or act like them. Just tell them it's for the best for you, for themselves, for everyone if they'd just stop.

In conclusion, stand up for yourself. If everyone stood up for themselves than everyone wouldn't have a need to be so afraid of being who they are. Not everyone in your life that you meet will be on your side in fact, most will be against you until you teach them why they shouldn't. Give them that lesson not only to change your future but to change theirs too. By standing up you're making an impact to change things, to make things better. Remember that.


message 24: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments No Sound

A war inside my head,
A fight against scars on my body,
A song without a tune, begging to be whispered
A scream burning through my chest
An echoing sound coming from within
But I make no sound, make no sound

The violence in my head is getting thicker,
Like the blood running through my veins.

Chorus:
Hold my breath, count to ten, pretend to let go
Stay strong, give up, hold on, let go
Staring at my reflection back in the mirror,
Realize that there are tears in my eyes,
Try to blink them gone but they just fall
But I make no sound and I make no sound

Sit in the silence,
Lay on the floor,
Stare up at the ceiling,
Lost in thought and make no sound
So confused.
The violence in my head, the violence in my head
Is getting thicker, like the blood running through my veins.
But I make no sound

Make no sound now

Hold my breath, count to ten, pretend to let go
Stay strong, give up, hold on, let go
Staring at my reflection back in the mirror,
Realize that there are tears in my eyes,
Try to blink them gone but they just fall
But I make no sound and I make no sound

I am sad, I am sad, I am sad
Nothing more, nothing less
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care
Not anymore perhaps never really again
But I make no sound,
I'll make no sound


message 25: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Lately

You tell me it'd be okay, that I'll be okay
I already know that
I tell myself every day.
You tell me to stay strong and, I've tried to but
You don't understand, I don't expect you to
So, why do you keep trying to?

Lately, I've been falling apart. Breaking down and cracking apart
Lately, I've been trying to help others more than ever with no need of helping myself
Lately, I've been fighting myself; the battle became a war
Lately, I've been hurting, never really cared about this before

How do I say how I feel when I'm too scared too?
How can I trust that this would help me?
How do I stop telling all these lies, saying "I'm fine?"
How do I stop myself from drifting away from the ones I love the most?
How can I heal myself? How can I be strong?


Lately, I've been falling apart. Breaking down and cracking apart
Lately, I've been trying to help others more than ever with no need of helping myself
Lately, I've been fighting myself; the battle became a war
Lately, I've been hurting, never really cared about this before

Trying so hard to keep it all in but, I always end up saying something.
Trying so hard to pretend I'm okay because that's how I want to feel.
Trying so hard to learn to love myself but it's harder than I thought.
Trying so hard to make you feel happy but I don't even know how
anymore.

Lately, I've been falling apart. Breaking down and cracking apart
Lately, I've been trying to help others more than ever with no need of helping myself
Lately, I've been fighting myself; the battle became a war
Lately, I've been hurting, never really cared about this before


message 26: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments 10/10/16

Bet you didn't think I heard ya,
Bet you didn't think I was even there
Bet you didn't think twice before speaking,
Bet you didn't think about how much your words could hurt

Well, since you were reading what I was writing,
You know that I hate myself but you don't know why,
Did it ever occur to you that maybe I have feelings too?
I'm not crying, I'm not sad
Just a little pissed of that you didn't even bother to say it to my face,

Maybe ask me why,
Instead of just adding on to the hate
But it doesn't matter,
At least to you it doesn't matter but it ruined my day.

Bet you didn't think I heard ya,
Bet you didn't think I was even there
Bet you didn't think twice before speaking,
Bet you didn't think about how much your words could hurt

Wish I hadn't heard you,
Wish I knew everything you were saying,
Wish you said it to my face
Wish you didn't even think it.
But you did and that's all I really know.

Bet you didn't think I heard ya,
Bet you didn't think I was even there
Bet you didn't think twice before speaking,
Bet you didn't think about how much your words could hurt

At least to you it didn't matter...


message 27: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Reasons Why

I try to stay strong
I try to laugh it off
I pretend I'm okay cause I know that's what you want to hear
And I'll do anything to make you happy
And I'll do anything to hide my reasons why...

The reasons why I hide the truth
THe reasons why I cry
The reasons why I lie
The reasons for what I try to deny
The reasons why...

I'll smile if you ask but, as soon as your out of sight I wipe the smile off my face
I'll try to stay strong and I'll try to be brave
But don't blame me when I go into my break down because
I've been hanging by a thread and it's way too easy to let go
And I'll do anything to hide the reasons why....

The reasons why I hide the truth
THe reasons why I cry
The reasons why I lie
The reasons for what I try to deny
The reasons why...

I will be happy for a while
And then it comes to me
What do I have to smile for
When my rage keeps getting out of control
What do I do?

The reasons why I hide the truth
THe reasons why I cry
The reasons why I lie
The reasons for what I try to deny
The reasons why..


message 28: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Giving Up

I've tried to hold on,
Tried to get better, tried to be strong
For everyone but myself
I've tried to get up, to stand tall, to be okay
But I'm not even sure what that is anymore

I'm giving up,
Its become too much, the pain too strong.
Everyone tells me to get a grip, to pray, to hold on, that they'll be there when I need them
But I have nobody now

Everything is too much,
I keep blaming myself for everything, they tell me not to
But I can't help it
And I'm giving up, no longer trying to live, to fight, to survive
No longer holding on

I'm giving up,
Its become too much, the pain too strong
Everyone tells me to get a grip, to pray, to hold on, that they'll be there when I need them
But I have nobody now

I'm just alive, no longer living
I'm just here, no longer fighting
I'm just breathing, no longer surviving
And I'm sorry but everything has become too much,

I'm giving up

-11/6/16


message 29: by Wolf (Alpha) (new)

Wolf (Alpha) | 938 comments Wow! I'ts a poet.




message 30: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments HUH? WHERE??? *looks around*

OH! XD


message 31: by Wolf (Alpha) (new)

Wolf (Alpha) | 938 comments Ha Ha


message 32: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments YAY! YOU LAUGHED! THAT WAS MY GOAL!


message 33: by Wolf (Alpha) (new)

Wolf (Alpha) | 938 comments Really! You're making me laugh even more. Thanks for cheering me up. I am surrounded by little devils (siblings).


message 34: by Wolf (Alpha) (new)

Wolf (Alpha) | 938 comments My mom just gave me a weird look because I laughed out loud.


message 35: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Haha!! That happens to me all the time!
I think they think I'm losing my mind when in reality I think we all lost in a while ago.


message 36: by Wolf (Alpha) (new)

Wolf (Alpha) | 938 comments Haha! Can I add you as a friend?


message 37: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Sure!


message 38: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Feeling so sick
Everything is hurting
I keep on snapping
I'm hoping I can get over this mood

Feeling so scared
Of all the things today might hold
I don't know what I'm going to do
Don't know if I'll manage to be okay

Feeling so tired
Another restless night
I'm just hoping I won't fall asleep in the middle of class
I'm just hoping I'll fix myself eventually

Eventually...


message 39: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments This is another writing sprint. I started at 11:02 and stopped at 11:32.

I watch you from a distance. I don't have the courage to speak to you. I'm afraid that if I do, you'll look into my eyes and read me so easily. I will never tell you these words unless somehow we find a way to work out, but at this moment there is no hope for love for the two of us.
I wish that I didn't you. That I could control my feelings and forget about this crush I have on you. This is because of puberty, of hormones or something like that. I'm starting to notice guys or something. Well screw that. I just want to have a conversation with you where we can just talk about everything we love, what we have in common, and what we don't.
From you I want a friend but you would never give me a friend because I'm the quiet strange girl who makes a fool of herself and you're the popular loud guy who knows how to make everyone laugh.
And damn your laugh is so great. I wish I Could hear the sound of your laughter everyday. It's like melody to my ears. You make jokes and have laughs with your friends all the time in the middle of class and you don't care what the teacher thinks or at least that's what you show.
I want to get to know the real you. I want to know all your fears and worries and concerns and I want to be the one to make you happy. I wake to be enough for you.
I want to become close and I want my heart to stop banging every time I'm around you.
If we could just be friends, that would be enough but we can't even be that. I push all my friends away and I don't want to do the same with you. I want to be a part of the laughs, a part of the jokes, about of a friendship so grand.
I want to look at you and not be afraid that you'll catch me staring. I want to talk to you and not have my anxiety flip out on me. I want to know you. I want to love you, but I can't.
So let's be friends. Please? That would be enough. Would you give me a chance?
A much as I love you I've noticed your faults too. I mean I've heard you make fun of me to your friends behind my back when you could've just said it to my face. I wish you had said it to my face. Maybe then I wouldn't love you, maybe my love would have stopped for you and I would know that you're not the one and that you'll never be the one.
You make fun of me and others so much and you laugh at them. You call them names and shoot out insults like it's all some silly game. It's not. it hurts. Why must you be so blind? I want to get to know you so I can help you fix this mistake before it ruins you like so many of mine have.
Your kind of disrespectful. Always interrupting but then you fix that by shutting up when they tell you to stop.
You have a good friendship with all of your friends, but you often let your ambitions blind you enough to want to bring them down. This is something we have in common. I hope one day we can work on it together.
And no I'm not trying to make you perfect because once you have a weakness it never completely leaves and I don't expect it too. Boy, I just want to know you.
You're in love with some other girl that I don't even know. It's one of the reasons why I hate loving you the most. You love somebody else and they probably love you too. The problem with me is I want to love you, but I don't know if I actually do.
Maybe I'm just in love with the idea of loving you. Maybe I'll never actually love anybody. Maybe I'll always be so afraid that I'll never really know what love is.
A part of me wishes that you know how I feel and a part of me knows that that i so stupid which is why I suspect that you'll never know the truth because I'll ever tell you or anybody else.
Maybe these feelings will learn to fade away and if that day comes I'll have learned my love for you wasn't strong enough for the two of us to last and I saved us from heartache and all that stuff or something.
I think that I've loved you for longer than I've known, but that I just didn't want to admit it because this is reality and not some fairy tale and love at first sight isn't real. At least for me,, it's not something I believe in. I remember the moment I realized I loved you so clearly. The problem with that is it felt like I've loved you since I've met you and yes my heart was pounding that day but I blamed that on the anxiety and I still do because the pain isn't that different.
Your smile is always so bright, so full of life.
Your eyes are full of ambition, so curious for the next step.
Your laugh, yes I'm bringing it up again, is like a song sung by sirens trying to lure me in.
And your personality, it's so conflicted like two sides of a war and I feel like I'm stuck in the middle.
Love you, Love you not.
Love you, love you not.
Oh how I must know!
They say young love doesn't last which is why I'll never try to be with you. Even if you and your girl break up I won't go after you.
I love you, but I'll let go of you because you don't love me too and in all reality if you don't love me I just want you to be happy.
But still I can't help but hope that one day we'll have a conversation where we can talk about everything but that awaits in the far far future. So until then I'll Keep watching you.
I swear it's not just because I'm a stalker.
I love you, but you'll probably never know how much.

End!


message 40: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments I'm going to do another writing sprint. I started this was at 4:30 and ended at 4:40.

I keep on thinking about anything and everything. I suppose that's exactly what I want to do. Maybe it'll distract me from this pain I keep feeling. I don't even know how to describe the pain. It's just there. Always there. I don't really get it or what it is, but it's whatever. Or at least that's why I say because it doesn't really matter.
I decided to do a sprint because I wanted to write something but I wasn't sure what to write. Force yourself to write if you can't think of anything, I must have thought or at least something like that. My goal this month was to write a little bit each day and so I keep doing sprints to make me write something because well I don't know. I just thought it would help and it is. It actually really is.
So I still don't know exactly what I'm writing. I feel like when I do these sprints I'm just like telling you a part of my life. I hope you don't mind, but also it's not like I'm forcing you to read it. You're reading it because either you want to or you have nothing better to do. Well either way I hope you enjoy my life spills. I think I might do more than one today just because I feel really good about them right now even though I feel like crap myself at this moment. But hey! Maybe I can talk about that and my terrible sleeping habits or something. Or maybe I'll get really deep into my emotions and bleed out for you.
Sometimes the only way for me to be okay is to write. It's something that makes me happy because I love doing it whether what I'm writing is happy or not.

End!


message 41: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments The first sentence of this book I'm writing involves a cat head.


message 42: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Another word sprint! I started at 5:17 and ended at 5:32

Darkness comes out of nowhere and crashes into me. It consumes my mind. I try to scream, to yell, to say something. To say anything. It doesn't work very well. I couldn't manage a single word. I couldn't breathe. My mind was filled with panic. What was I to do? I didn't know. I just sat there and said nothing, crying and trying to keep my sobs quiet.
You were looking at me and trying to figure out what was wrong. You kept asking. I could hear your voice speaking yet it sounded so far away. I couldn't respond. I didn't know what to say. My mouth couldn't form the words. Only you weren't real. You were in my head.
I could hear the screams and the arguments going on inside my head, trying to drown out your words. I wasn't able to fix myself before I broke down. I just walked into my next class after leaving the other one in tears. I thought that it would be over now, but it only got worse. I sat in my seat which was in front of the room. I tried to stop crying. I didn't deserve to be crying. I didn't deserve to have feelings because other people felt worse. I knew that. I really did. So why was I crying?
Anxiety.
It had taken ahold of me again and sent me flying through the pit of darkness that I had just escaped the day before. Only I hadn't escaped. I had just held onto the idea of ecaping because I wanted to be away from the darkness so much. I was so tired of it. I didn't want to deal with it anymore. I was done. I felt so done. I wanted it all to end.
Today will be my last day. Today I'll die. I swear it's true. I'll jump in front of the bus. I'll do it. I'll do it. I kept thinking throughout the first 5 minutes of class. Two girls from my last class came up from me and tried to get me to calm down. The teacher came over and told me that I could go to the bathroom and calm myself down and he sent the two girls who were trying to help me calm down with me.
They did help. We talked. We laughed. We ranted. We bitched. Everything was okay for those moments. Yet I felt awful that I had taken them away from class. They told me it was fine and helped me for a little longer and bought me a water. I was fine but as soon as we got back to class my mind felt a smudge of panic come back. I tried to hide it. I sat in my seat and paid attention to the video that was being showed and the words the teacher added. Everything was okay. I sat with them at lunch.
All was good until the arrival of the next day...

End!


message 43: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I SPELLED WRECKLESS WRONG AND NOBODY SAID ANYTHING UNTIL I ASKED.


message 44: by Erin (last edited Feb 21, 2017 08:00PM) (new)

Erin | 23295 comments description

"I want to go home." The little girl said, crossing her arms. She had a frown on her face and looked like he was about to cry.

"And I want to go to the moon. It ain't happening, sweetheart. Time to accept that." I replied coldly, pushing as much sarcasm in my voice as I could. I coughed, just like I had been doing all night. More blood came up. The little girl turned away from me. Most of the other people who had been kidnapped had done the same. I wasn't exactly the most pleasant person to talk to.

There was silence for a few minutes from all except for the coughing from the sickness of everyone that was in the back of the bus. Besides the guards the rest of us were extremely ill, even if we didn't look it. "Why isn't it happening? If you want it, why can't you go?" The girl suddenly asked.

"They don't let sick people travel into space. That could be their second chance. We'll just get them sick, They say. We'll just bring the sickness to the moon. I can't say I disagree with them, so I never argued." I told her, my tone harsher than I intended. "That's also why they have us all packed in the back of this bus. We're sick. We incurable. We'll all die why they try to escape. If they can't escape the sickness on Earth, then they'll go to Mars."

"Oh." The girl said, her face growing paler if that was even possible. Her bright curly red hair hung over her shoulders, but she pushed it back to where it was behind her. She turned around to face me again. "How long have you been sick?"

"Quiet you two! This room is already hard to breathe in without you talking. Stay silent, or I'll make you stay silent." One of the guards threatened.

"Sounds good. Just do it! Life feels pointless, why don't you just knock me out while I'm waiting? It'd make this easier." I snarled at the guard.

"Sure thing." The guard said with a smile as if he was happy he could finally do this. He pointed some gun shaped object at me and just before he shot it he whispered, "Just remember there are things far worse than death." With that he fired the gun shaped object and I slumped backwards in my seat, instantly getting knocked out.


message 45: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments I always told myself and told others that I wasn't the type of girl to fall in love easily, to easily trust others. I guess that was a lie, to myself and to them because I had believed it but by now I must have learned the truth and realized that that is completely untrue.
If it was true I wouldn't be so in love with him. So lost in all of his qualities. Right now I keep searching for all the reasons why I shouldn't love him, why it can't possibly be true that I love him.
Like maybe I don't love him and I'm just looking for a friend and I ended up calling it love because I've never been good with friends? Well I don't quite have any experience with love so I honestly don't know what I was thinking.
I've described him quite a few times and I've talked about the things I love and hate about him. I've tried to analyze every part of him, trying to piece him together as if he's some very complicated equation.
I said I was going to go to sleep and I honestly thought I was, but I guess that I thought wrong, that I've made some kind of mistake. I really did plan to go to sleep but then my mind started thinking and wondering and lurking about and I suddenly had this feeling to write something, to write anything and then he was my first thought so I was just like well why not and so now I'm writing this long post about a boy who I've nicknamed Crusho and I'm not even sure if I like him.
Okay, I'm done lying to myself. I've admitted to liking him. I do like him. I really do. I think the only reason why I keep trying to convince myself that I don't like him is because I know we'll never have a chance and I don't want myself to get hurt so why not try stopping me before I get too attached.
Maybe I already am.
I love telling the stories about him and talking about him and thinking about him and just I don't know...
A part of me wants to tell him, not to get anything out of it, but just for him to know. But then again that is a very very VERY stupid idea.
Right now he loves somebody else and I need to learn to accept that. And even if he never loves me or I stop loving him or both his happiness will be enough. I want him to still be happy after all of this even if I'm not a part of his happiness.
I feel like I talk about him so much, too much and that this is all just stupid. Why do I even care about him? Why do I love him? I wouldn't say that. That I love him. I take that back. I just really like him and it feels like I could one day eventually love him.
I first realized I had a crush on him over some small thing, I guess. It was in language arts class. Our teacher split us up in two groups by splitting the class in the middle. Crusho and I were in the same group.
We were planning for a debate thing against the other group. Our topic was a the society in The Giver while the other groups was the United States society. I was trying to explain something to the group and I kept using hand motions and talking fastly, and nobody was understanding and I didn't know how to explain it. He then asked me if writing it down would be helpful. I nodded quickly.
I write a lot in homeroom and it felt like he noticed and now he was trying to use what I loved to help me. It worked. I was able to write it down and that made me extremely happy. There was a lot more I could've said and added on, so I wasn't very helpful with my one idea but I was still helpful. So yay! He helped make me feel helpful. He's the real helpful one :D
I don't know but that was when I realized I had a crush on him him
I met him in science class in 6th grade. (I'm in 7th so it's only been around a year or so)
A part of me has this really weird strange feeling that I liked him before, but that I blinded myself to my feelings. I know it sounds weird and I don't really get it either.
Maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me and making me wish things I wanted to happen.
We sat next to each other in science at a table that was literally just us two and so we were always partner up when it came to table assignments and I always had this strange feeling around him, but before it wasn't as strong and I was able to ignore it.
But I don't know....
I just got a crush on Crusho.
No big deal, no big deal.
AHHH PANICKING PANICKING AHHHHHHH
ERIN CALM.
NO.
YES.
NO.
YES.
OKAY FINE.
Okay then. Well that's all for now. This is Erin's random writings on Crusho and I'll probably end up posting it in both of my folders so yeah, bye for now, folks! :)


message 46: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Lost in trying to figure out what I want to be,
That I often forget about what I should be doing;
Worrying about the current me
Instead of the past or the future.


message 47: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments Love Is

Love is the connection you have with someone.
Not just any connection, but the deep connection you share.
Whether it's with family, a friend, or a lover.

Love is the question of what if, what next,
The endless fear if you're good enough.
The constant thoughts that keep you up at night.

Love is a struggle, a problem.
It's complicated and it's hard to handle.
It's full of risks and dangers, making you be vulnerable.

Love is a story.
A story that isn't easy to write down or speak.
A story that gets told by the value of affection.

Love is painful.
Love is beautiful.
And love is another lesson, that everyone at one point learns.


message 48: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments I wrote this poem from this prompt: Write a poem in which the reason for the title is not apparent until the end

Title: Fuck Off

Quit talking,
Quit laughing,
Quit smiling.

Don't take a glance in my direction,
Don't participate in class,
Don't show any sign of your existence.

Stop acting so good,
Stop forcing my eyes to be attracted to you,
Stop being yourself.

Be a terrible person,
Be enough to make me hate you,
Be completely invisible to my eyes.

But even with all of that,
it still won't be enough to get you out of my head
So just fuck off.


message 49: by Erin (last edited Mar 04, 2017 11:38PM) (new)

Erin | 23295 comments My argumentative essay for my language arts class

In recent years free colleges and universities have been questioned if the United States should have them or not. As said in the 2015 report from OECD (Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development) some countries such as Denmark, Estonia, Finland, Norway, Slovak Republic and others already have free college tuition. There should be free colleges and universities because it will help students focus on their study, encourage students to work harder, and gives students from underprivileged families that work hard a better chance.

Having free colleges and universities can help students focus on their study. Students won’t have to constantly worry if what they are doing will be worth it for their future, but if we had free colleges in the United States that worry won’t have to be there and people can concentrate on their studies. Students will want to focus more on their work because if we had free colleges and universities they will feel like they actually have a chance of being able to go to college. Students will be able to continue their education without having to stress over if they’ll be able to pay for the next year and be able to concentrate on their learning.

Another reason is that having free colleges and universities can help encourage people wanting to go to college. Students going to college have to worry about where they’ll be staying, what they’ll be eating, the cost of textbooks they may need, and the price of just being able to go to college. If college and universities were free they would no longer have that stress and be able to save their money for things that they need and be able to put some away for the future. Students who go to the college and universities these days often have to work many jobs just to be able to stay in the school, eat, and having to work many jobs makes them tired to where it’s hard to work on homework and prepare for class, or even wake up the next day to go to class. Students will be able to work harder in school to make it to college so that they can meet the requirements for a certain job or career that they want. Students who have a goal in mind will want to feel they need to try harder in order to get there and like they have a chance instead of unsure of what to do with their lives.

The final reason I’ll list is this gives students from underprivileged families or homes who work hard a chance. The students who are underprivileged often feel that they have no chance at being successful. Having free colleges and universities in the United States will help change that by giving them a chance. Students in underprivileged families who work hard get more opportunities to do things and if colleges and universities were free they’ll be able to develop on that. Having free colleges and universities might even give them a better chance of survival because now they have something in mind to do when they get out of school, and can work on trying to achieve that. Also, having free colleges and universities gives them a chance to be able to continue their hard work on what they’ve accomplished and they’ll be able to accomplish even more.

Some people argue against the United States having free colleges and universities because they say it’ll be wasted on people who just want to goof off. However, there are people who act like that even now with colleges not free. If colleges and universities were free people would want to take it more seriously because they’ve earned the right to be there and they wouldn’t want to leave that behind. Also, this would ruin the opportunity of the United States becoming stronger in it’s economics just because some people might goof off.

Economist argue that since their college percentage is much lower than the United States and that they have higher taxes than us it would be easier for European countries to be able to afford free college. However, if the United States had free colleges and universities more people would be able to get a job and would be able to pay their taxes from that job. With that in mind, people would be able to pay the taxes from a job that they actually like because it’s something they wanted and worked hard to accomplish. Also, a better-educated workforce would help fill many of the skills gaps that prevent America's economy from growing faster.

In conclusion, the United States of America should have free colleges and universities because it will benefit the country and the people of it. This is because it will make it easier for students to focus, help to encourage people wanting to go to college, and help to give people from underprivileged families a better chance.


message 50: by Erin (new)

Erin | 23295 comments The secret is out,
And now she knows.
Hide it from the rest of the world,
And act like nothing ever went wrong.
Nobody else has to know!

People at school are often joking about it,
Always wondering if it's really a joke.
What if one day it wasn't a joke,
Isn't a joke?

People fight.
Sometimes they win.
People fight.
Sometimes they loose.
What will you do then?

When the last thing you heard them say was a joke,
That no longer seems funny,
Because now you've noticed how depressed they really were.
What will you do then?


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