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EVHEN & UURTH (or maybe Soul Survivor / Soul Provider)

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message 1: by Cee (new)

Cee Jackson (ceeteejackson) | 178 comments Hi Cloggers,
I'm back. Been enjoying Andy's 'Dumb Luck' while on holidays.

Unfortunately,, I left my reading glasses on the plane from Gatwick to Glasgow at the end of my hols, and am struggling to read much at the moment as I'm forced to use a pair of six year old prescription sunglasses until my new ones are ready in a week or two.

A few of you were kind enough to feed back on the opening to my proposed 'Soul Survivor' a few months ago. I've now re-written the whole opening, taking (I hope) much of your comments into consideration. (Some of the shelved content may appear elsewhere in the story.)

Could you please add me to the list for feedback on the revised opening two chapters? It runs to @ 4300 words.

Just whenever your decks are cleared and my turn comes around. I'd rather not get too far into it until I feel comfortable that the opening is interesting / funny enough.

Cheers all .... and belated Happy New year.


message 2: by Corben (new)

Corben (the_dook) | 139 comments HELLO CT - I'M WRITING THIS IN BIG LETTERS SO YOU CAN READ IT WITHOUT YOUR GLASSES.

WE DON'T WORRY ABOUT 'TURNS' AROUND HERE, JUST WANG IT OVER ON THE EMAIL.

LATERS,

DOOKIE


message 3: by Rob (new)

Rob Gregson (nullroom) | 374 comments Mod
Yup. Me too.


message 4: by Cee (new)

Cee Jackson (ceeteejackson) | 178 comments Corben wrote: "HELLO CT - I'M WRITING THIS IN BIG LETTERS SO YOU CAN READ IT WITHOUT YOUR GLASSES.

WE DON'T WORRY ABOUT 'TURNS' AROUND HERE, JUST WANG IT OVER ON THE EMAIL.

LATERS,

DOOKIE"


Brilliant, Corben. Thanks. It's whanging it's way to you right now.

Cheers


message 5: by Cee (new)

Cee Jackson (ceeteejackson) | 178 comments Rob wrote: "Yup. Me too."

Cheers Rob,

It's on its way. Thanks.


message 6: by Andy (new)

Andy Paine (andypaine) | 74 comments Can you shoot one over this way while you're at it please. Cheers.


message 7: by Andrew (new)

Andrew Chapman (andrew-chapman) | 179 comments Mod
And me please! I've quit my job so as of Friday I will have plenty of time to get back into the writing game. At least until another job finds its way into my life and ruins everything.
andrew-chapman@live.co.uk


message 8: by Cee (new)

Cee Jackson (ceeteejackson) | 178 comments Andy wrote: "Can you shoot one over this way while you're at it please. Cheers."

Thanks Andy. 'Tis on its merry way down under.

Cheers


message 9: by Cee (new)

Cee Jackson (ceeteejackson) | 178 comments Andrew wrote: "And me please! I've quit my job so as of Friday I will have plenty of time to get back into the writing game. At least until another job finds its way into my life and ruins everything.
andrew-cha..."


Thanks Andrew - you really didn't need to do that, but I appreciate it. I do hope these two opening chapters prove worthwhile jacking in your work for.

Cheers


message 10: by Corben (last edited Jan 29, 2017 03:23PM) (new)

Corben (the_dook) | 139 comments Andrew wrote: "And me please! I've quit my job so as of Friday I will have plenty of time to get back into the writing game. At least until another job finds its way into my life and ruins everything.
andrew-cha..."


Andy Chap - I might be dreaming this but didn't you jack your job in a few months ago? Is this another job-jacking?

What are you like at brick laying? I hear they're hiring on the Mexican border.


message 11: by Andrew (last edited Jan 27, 2017 07:50AM) (new)

Andrew Chapman (andrew-chapman) | 179 comments Mod
Corben wrote: "Andrew wrote: "And me please! I've quit my job so as of Friday I will have plenty of time to get back into the writing game. At least until another job finds its way into my life and ruins everythi..."

Last time I got fired. I had booked a Sat off to take my daughter to her 11+ exam but a new company took over the company I worked for two days before the exam. I got fired for taking the Sat off.

They offered me the job back with better terms the next day wich I said no to. Then my old bosses caught wind of my sacking and gave me a job with their newly forged company.

Anyway, the short story is, I've been working 6 days a week for the last year and a half with an hour commute on either side of a ten hour day and realised my life had taken something of a back seat stince I started this sort of work.

Time to get back to reality! Jesus, I wasn't expecting myself to go on for so long just then. I do apologise. Anyone know of any cheap flights to Mexico?


message 12: by Corben (new)

Corben (the_dook) | 139 comments Hi CT,

Just read the new opening. It’s changed a lot. What a great set-up for the story. Very nicely described, sir, and I think you’re very nearly there. The humour is great and the Ancon/Molly relationship is already shaping up nicely. I’m all set to head off to Uurth for the next section of the story.

I’m just a little concerned about the opening couple of pages. Is a journey to Dux’s reception desk going to hold the attention of prospective readers long enough to get them to the meat of the dialogue with The Ultimate One? Interested to hear what the other Cloggers think?


message 13: by Cee (new)

Cee Jackson (ceeteejackson) | 178 comments Corben wrote: "Hi CT,

Just read the new opening. It’s changed a lot. What a great set-up for the story. Very nicely described, sir, and I think you’re very nearly there. The humour is great and the Ancon/Molly r..."


Thanks Corben - now, THAT'S a good question. Gotta get the hook in early and all that ... so this is the kinda thing I'm glad to have the Cloggers' trusted feedback on.

Cheers for the positive vibe on the humour and Ancor / Molly relationship. I was bit worried about how that would come off.

Rob's made a couple of excellent comments also, so I'm getting a feel of where I'm at with all this, and ready to batter onward.

:)


message 14: by Corben (new)

Corben (the_dook) | 139 comments No probs, CT. I'm probably wrong about the opening couple of pages. Best to check with the others. Rob will know. If he didn't mention anything it'll be fine.

This book of yours is goin' to be a beautiful thing ... a beautiful thing.

(Forgive me, I'm trying to perfect my Donaldspeak)


message 15: by Cee (new)

Cee Jackson (ceeteejackson) | 178 comments Corben wrote: "No probs, CT. I'm probably wrong about the opening couple of pages. Best to check with the others. Rob will know. If he didn't mention anything it'll be fine.

This book of yours is goin' to be a b..."


:-D :-D (I'm trying to perfect my emojis.)


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