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Archived Workshop No New Posts > Synopsis/Blurb feedback help

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message 1: by Aislinn (new)

Aislinn | 150 comments What an intriguing idea!

OK, so to some comments:

I think I actually like the first blurb more? It's clearer who the protagonist is. In the second one, I thought it was Kyra, but then she turns evil and it seems that maybe her friends are the main characters? Whereas in your first one, Kyra stays the focus.

The blurb is also a little long, I think.

So, maybe something like this?

Witches. Demons. Angels. Ancient prophecies and eternal wars.

Kyra Parker appears to have it all. A career woman, wife, and mother, she's living the life she always wanted. But it's built on a lie. In reality, she's a witch - one who has forbidden herself from using magic in order to stay hidden from the outside world. Only two of her closest friends know her secret - one they share.

Plagued by dark dreams of demons and angels, Kyra can't ignore her destiny for long, and soon she is exposed as the key to the end of the world. To save her loved ones, she reluctantly gives her soul to a demon that has invaded her nightmares, transforming her into a dark witch bent on destruction.

With her friends, Alexis and Axel, chasing her across the country in an attempt to free her from the demon's influence, Kyra ventures ever closer to the point of no return. Kyra’s family and friends need to work together to save her - and the rest of the world - from the demon apocalypse.

There's just one problem—she doesn’t want to be saved.


Possibly still a little too long, but maybe you can work with it.


message 2: by Jocelyn (new) - added it

Jocelyn Erbach) | 5 comments Aislinn wrote: "What an intriguing idea!

OK, so to some comments:

I think I actually like the first blurb more? It's clearer who the protagonist is. In the second one, I thought it was Kyra, but then she turns e..."


Thank you, Aislinn. I like the way you restructured the blurb. It reads a lot better.


message 3: by Jocelyn (new) - added it

Jocelyn Erbach) | 5 comments V.M. wrote: "I agree with Aislinn, the first version is actually stronger, though the suggested revision is tighter, you can't go wrong with either one. Sounds like a neat story. Adding it to my To-Read pile!"

Thank you V.M.


message 4: by Naomi (new)

Naomi Jackson | 1 comments Hello! I have to add my vote, the first blurb was much more compelling than the second. ;)
I would have to say though, I don't think that you need the opening list "Witches. Demons. Angels. Ancient prophecies and eternal wars." I don't know if that is a norm in your genre, but to me it just seemed a little repetivitve of the other information that is presented better in the main part of the blurb.
Definitely keep the ending line! I don't read dark fantasy in general, but that line made me very curious about what has happened inside the character and whether she can be saved or not. Thumbs up!
These were just some general thoughts. Best of luck with your book!


message 5: by Jocelyn (new) - added it

Jocelyn Erbach) | 5 comments Naomi wrote: "Hello! I have to add my vote, the first blurb was much more compelling than the second. ;)
I would have to say though, I don't think that you need the opening list "Witches. Demons. Angels. Ancient..."


Thank you Naomi. The opening line is not really the norm, I wrote it as an attempt at a hook by highlighting the overall basis of the story in hopes that potential readers would continue to read the rest of the synopsis if they are drawn to stories with these types of creatures and themes. I'll have to think on your suggestion some more. Thanks again :)


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