World, Writing, Wealth discussion

85 views

Comments Showing 1-50 of 78 (78 new)    post a comment »
« previous 1

message 1: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 14927 comments A friend of mine claims that girls dream about marriage and the wedding ceremony from an early age, men - never. To me it sounds kinda true.

What do you think? And why?


message 2: by Denise (new)

Denise Baer | 593 comments No! This is a generalization. I never had dreams of marriage and the wedding day. As a matter of fact, I had no desire to marry and I couldn't stand having to attend weddings, bridal showers and baby showers. It felt as if women are required to suffer through such events. The only one I did enjoy was my sister's. I still can think of many other things I'd rather do than attend a wedding or a shower.

My dreams consisted of lots of men and money. :)


message 3: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 14927 comments Denise wrote: "My dreams consisted of lots of men and money. :)..."

Hope they were/are being realized -:)


message 4: by Denise (new)

Denise Baer | 593 comments Nik wrote: "Hope they were/are being realized -:)"

Not so much, but I've had a good life so far.


message 5: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 14927 comments That's what important!


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Agree about generalizations. My husband nearly had a heart attack when I asked him if we could just have a small, elegant dinner with family in a nice restaurant. Our wedding was like an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and hubby was happy as a clam. Oh and Denise is a rock star.


message 7: by Denise (new)

Denise Baer | 593 comments Tara wrote: "Agree about generalizations. My husband nearly had a heart attack when I asked him if we could just have a small, elegant dinner with family in a nice restaurant. Our wedding was like an episode of..."

That sounds nice, Tara. I think having those closest to you is the best celebration.

Our first marriage was in the states in front of a judge with close friends and family. We had a little luncheon afterward. Then we married in a 1000-year old church in Spain with the town folks and my husband's family in attendance. Aside from my husband, I was the only English speaking person at my wedding. The others were German and Spanish. LOL!

I love being referred to as a rock star. When I was young, that's what I wanted to be when I grew up. LOL!


message 8: by Mehreen (last edited Oct 11, 2016 05:32PM) (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "Agree about generalizations. My husband nearly had a heart attack when I asked him if we could just have a small, elegant dinner with family in a nice restaurant. Our wedding was like an episode of..."

Well, girls dream about weddings as soon as they start playing with barbies and dolls. That is kind of an initiation to the world of fantasy romance, magic and all of that. Whereas, boys are more into football, computer games, so on and so forth. That's my observation anyways.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments 80% it may be their nature but also it's what we push in front of them. Pink Barbies for the girls and blue trucks for the boys? Not in my family lol. My brother, a licensed pilot and war veteran, cooks and cleans better than his wife. My sister, a nurturing, sensitive earth mother type, can take apart a small engine and put it back together!


message 10: by Denise (new)

Denise Baer | 593 comments Tara wrote: "80% it may be their nature but also it's what we push in front of them. Pink Barbies for the girls and blue trucks for the boys? Not in my family lol. My brother, a licensed pilot and war veteran, ..."

I like your family. :D


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Thanks Mehreen :) We are a strange lot but awesome, I think, and very close.


message 12: by Denise (new)

Denise Baer | 593 comments Tara wrote: "Thanks Mehreen :) We are a strange lot but awesome, I think, and very close."

You meant Denise, right? The rock star? Didn't you? Say it!! :D


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Denise wrote: "Tara wrote: "Thanks Mehreen :) We are a strange lot but awesome, I think, and very close."

You meant Denise, right? The rock star? Didn't you? Say it!! :D"


Yes! You just proved it ;)


message 14: by Kevin (new)

Kevin Kuhn (kevinkuhn) | 45 comments A brief excerpt from my novel when a character asks another about what days they might re-live -

“What about your wedding or the birth of your son?”
“Ah, I’d probably skip the wedding and childbirth and pick the honeymoon and conception instead,” replied Cade.


message 15: by Jen Pattison (new)

Jen Pattison | 409 comments No, I didn't dream of weddings when I was a kid, but then I was a tomboy. I spent hours exploring the surrounding countryside, shinning up trees and stuff like that, and I loved horse riding and spent hours at the stables. Even in my teens I wasn't captivated by the thought of a wedding; mine was a small affair of 30 close friends and family and I wore an off-the-peg Laura Ashley floral dress.

Tara, I like your family too! :D


message 16: by Marie Silk (new)

Marie Silk | 1022 comments I can only hear this thread title in Princess Bride fashion...


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments #twuewuv
My Laura Ashley flashback was sudden and overwhelming and now I want to read Kevin's book. And I want my own horses.


message 18: by Alex (new)

Alex (asato) but then romance is the biggest genre and you always have to have an HEA or HFN ending. Isn't that tantamount to "marriage"?

(on a personal note: i don't think that it's necessary for women to get married and have kids.)


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Alex G wrote: "but then romance is the biggest genre and you always have to have an HEA or HFN ending. Isn't that tantamount to "marriage"?

(on a personal note: i don't think that it's necessary for women to get..."


True, but so few people read so it would be interesting to see how wide the disparity between romance and realism. Marriage with babies is no longer every little girl's autowish, thank goidness.


message 20: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments If one puts ones mind to it, then anyone is capable of doing anything. Most things are gender neutral. To come back to the issue of marriage, whether or not, it is a deep seated desire more for girls rather than boys, I think it would be an interesting test to put a boy and a girl in a room full of all kinds of toys to see what they choose without being prompted. As for myself, I too was a bit of a tomboy like Jen. But I also loved reading romance books as a teenager. I favoured Jane Eyer and Wuthering Heights over thrillers and spy stories. Is that a sign?


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Mehreen wrote: "If one puts ones mind to it, then anyone is capable of doing anything. Most things are gender neutral. To come back to the issue of marriage, whether or not, it is a deep seated desire more for gir..."

it's not a sign that you were all about husbands and babies. It just means that you responded better to literature with a different emotional and intellectual profile. Women read differently and read different things than men. But again, this doesn't point to a biological or psychological predisposition towards marriage. Rather I should say that it may but it is now t true across the board.


message 22: by Mehreen (last edited Oct 12, 2016 12:35AM) (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "If one puts ones mind to it, then anyone is capable of doing anything. Most things are gender neutral. To come back to the issue of marriage, whether or not, it is a deep seated des..."

Hahaha. "Husbands and babies". But yeah what you say maybe true.


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "If one puts ones mind to it, then anyone is capable of doing anything. Most things are gender neutral. To come back to the issue of marriage, whether or not, it is a de..."

Our capacities extend to different areas but are not defined by them. A woman taking great joy in her wedding, marriage or children doesn't mean all women take great joy in weddings, marriages and children. Extrapolating to the whole is useful to our lazy human brains, sure, but over time it solidifies into normalizations, which can be dangerous as they lead to stereotypes and harmful tropes. People experience a lot of painful, psychological damage dealing with the repercussions of these things.


message 24: by Mehreen (last edited Oct 12, 2016 03:34AM) (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "Tara wrote: "Mehreen wrote: "If one puts ones mind to it, then anyone is capable of doing anything. Most things are gender neutral. To come back to the issue of marriage, whether or..."

That is so true, Honeymoon period can be really short for some. And for some women there is no other reality apart from marriage, husbands and children. Wow are we discussing chick flick now?


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Oh, I see what you meant although I was referring to the boxes society puts people in according to gender. But I like your observation as well because it's part of those 'boxes'.


message 26: by Lucy (new)

Lucy Banks | 18 comments Pah ha - not so with me! I was mortified by the prospect of having to get dressed up in a big dress! Whereas I think my husband quite relished the idea (the dressing up part, not that he wore a dress or anything).

However, I do remember plenty of my childhood friends talking about weddings when they were younger. I can't imagine boys doing it so much, given the amount of time they spend declaring that girls are gross (or at least, that's what my two boys do...)


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Lucy wrote: "Pah ha - not so with me! I was mortified by the prospect of having to get dressed up in a big dress! Whereas I think my husband quite relished the idea (the dressing up part, not that he wore a dre..."

I love your comment lol. My niece is 12 and for the first time after summer break she didn't go on about how "stupid" the boys were on the first day of school. I asked her about one particular former playground rival and she said "He got taller" and blushed and changed the subject. Oh. My. God.


message 28: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Lucy wrote: "Pah ha - not so with me! I was mortified by the prospect of having to get dressed up in a big dress! Whereas I think my husband quite relished the idea (the dressing up part, not that he wore a dre..."

Yeah I love it too Lucy. I do think women like that kind of thing. Dressing up and all that generally more than men. They like talking about boyfriends, babies and everything more than the boys.


message 29: by Kat (new)

Kat Alex G wrote: "HEA or HFN ending"

What does that mean?


Tara Woods Turner | 2063 comments Kat wrote: "Alex G wrote: "HEA or HFN ending"

What does that mean?"


Happily ever after, happy for now.


message 31: by Mehreen (new)

Mehreen Ahmed (mehreen2) | 1911 comments Tara wrote: "Kat wrote: "Alex G wrote: "HEA or HFN ending"

What does that mean?"

Happily ever after, happy for now."


Oh dear! I would have never figured that out even in my wildest dreams.


message 32: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 14927 comments Tara wrote: "Happily ever after, happy for now."

It's about the elections -:)


message 33: by Zee (new)

Zee Monodee (zee_monodee) | 0 comments LOL! My first wedding was a Kardashian-like fest complete with the meringue dress and all. Kicker - my mom was the planner, and my wedding was her dream come true!
Fast forward to my second marriage. You wouldn't think there'd been a wedding, just maybe a family gathering, because we kept it low key and intimate.

Like I said, the dress and towering cake and all was my mother's dream, what she didn't get at hers. Personally, I was more interested in being the wife than the bride.


message 34: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 14927 comments Ok, after having most girls denying interest in wedding, maybe we'll find now a boy dreaming of marriage from the early age for a complete rebuttal? -:)


message 35: by Kevin (new)

Kevin Kuhn (kevinkuhn) | 45 comments I'll admit I enjoyed mine. It not often you get to bring together all your family and friends and be the center of attention all day. But no, was not a childhood dream.


message 36: by Kevin (new)

Kevin Kuhn (kevinkuhn) | 45 comments Oh yeah, plus there was booze and cake. I've had worse days.


message 37: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 14927 comments Booze and cake sound good. Doesn't have to be wedding-:)


kavi + alex + noir ~ve|vim~ (percybluefood) | 145 comments Nik wrote: "A friend of mine claims that girls dream about marriage and the wedding ceremony from an early age, men - never. To me it sounds kinda true.

What do you think? And why?"


not all girls dream about marriage early. I don't do that,


message 39: by Rita (new)

Rita Chapman | 152 comments Weddings and marriage are a bit like books - there are good ones and bad ones!


kavi + alex + noir ~ve|vim~ (percybluefood) | 145 comments That is true Rita


message 41: by Joanne (new)

Joanne Well, I'm going to throw a different point of view into this thread. Early in life I think I wanted nothing more than to have the love of a good man. I wanted to have a beautiful wedding and wedding dress. I was married in a lacy dress with a long train and puffy sleeves which I chose myself. I still love lace and dressing up in beautiful clothing. I didn't have kids for the first 6 years I was married. I wanted to have a career of some sort. Later, I did want kids possibly because my friends and family started having them or possibly by biological clock started ticking and I just started having maternal urges.

I was a stay at home mom with my kids until they were in junior high school. I nursed my oldest son until he was one year old and my youngest until he was almost 3. My youngest son had many illnesses. That's why he was nursed so long. It helped him survive.

I liked being there for them when they got home from school. Sometimes I even greeted them with cookies that I just baked. Believe it or not, my husband and I read to our kids every night until they were in high school. When they were older, they liked comic book stuff like Calvin and Hobbes or Doonesbery.

I seem to have a different attitude about marriage than most people these days. I believe people should be married before they have children. One of the reasons why I believe this is that I've had too many friends who had children before they were married and had to leave school when they were young. Also, I have known some men that do not have enough sense of commitment to have children out of wedlock. They just get a woman pregnant and take off. Of course that can happen in marriage too.

I don't even like the idea of having couples live together without being married. Again, its the whole idea of commitment. I've known people who have a boyfriend or girlfriend, they live with them for a while, even have some kids, then they just break up. The whole thing does not seem right to me.


message 42: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 14927 comments Joanne wrote: "Well, I'm going to throw a different point of view into this thread. Early in life I think I wanted nothing more than to have the love of a good man. I wanted to have a beautiful wedding and weddin..."

I guess nothing's wrong with a more 'traditional' approach -:)


message 43: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 14927 comments Did the marriage idea cross your mind at some point? When was it? -:)


message 44: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) | 5791 comments Never dreamed of a traditional wedding at any point. A waste of money, in my opinion. Decided on marriage at the court house when I found out I was having a child, despite my best efforts at birth control. Marriage because I was a teacher and wanted to keep my job. Marriage because I wanted my child.


message 45: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 14927 comments Scout wrote: "Marriage because I was a teacher and wanted to keep my job. Marriage because I wanted my child...."

Is marriage a prerequisite to being a teacher and having a child?!


message 46: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) | 5791 comments Yep. Here in a small Southern community in the US in the '80s, it would have been a scandal for me and my son if I hadn't gotten married. It would have made my position as a teacher untenable because of the reactions of the parents of my students, and of the students themselves. Even now, an unmarried mother would have a rough go of it. Don't think it's ever been done here.


message 47: by Nik (new)

Nik Krasno | 14927 comments Scout wrote: " Even now, an unmarried mother would have a rough go of it...."

In cosmopolitan areas, this probably wouldn't be an issue at all...


message 48: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) | 5791 comments True. But I'd not like city living. Traffic, crime, crowded living conditions, noise, distance from nature. Not for me.


message 49: by Leonie (new)

Leonie (leonierogers) | 1579 comments I like being married - for me it's an outward expression of an inward commitment. Mind you, we've been married for 27 years, for the most part very happily.

Any relationship has its ups and downs, of course, but I like the shared goals and the formality of the promises. It also fits with my world view, but not everyone shares that, of course.

And Scout - I also live in a rural area, but in Australia. I'm astounded that there are still places in the US where you felt forced to marry!


message 50: by Joe (new)

Joe Clark | 165 comments A single mother - let's not mention single dads - will indeed have a rough go of it. I know it can be done because I know people who have done it. I was a single dad for 18 months in between marriages. My wife was a single mother for 8 years in between marriages.
Social conventions aside, I believe that marriage is important for raising children. If nothing else, have the support of another adult can be a major plus.
Personally, I find that I prefer being married.


« previous 1
back to top